…and then I threatened to kill him off

pissed-me-off-you-have

The other day I finished up the chapter I was working on, and while I was writing it I honestly started to cry. As the saying goes, “No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader,” (Robert Frost) so I decided that I would come back to what I wrote and read it to see if it would have the same impact.

When I was writing this chapter my eyes watered, I got a little choked up, and I felt really sad. When I read the chapter I got teary eyed again, then I got really angry at one of my characters…and then I threatened to kill him off. Luckily for him, he redeemed himself at the end of that chapter by actually giving a damn about another human being. He just picked the wrong time to act like a little snot.

I don’t think I’ve ever been mad at a character before…so I hope when other people read this that they wont want to kill this poor guy. Ha…he’s not poor. Don’t feel sorry for him. He’s honestly a jerk the majority of the time. Nobody wants him around except his girlfriend. How does he even have a girlfriend in the first place!?

Okay…okay relax. Just breathe. It’s just a story…it isn’t real life.

Ha, ha…this has been a weird post.

Is anyone else upset (if you’re in Canada because I don’t know about elsewhere) that the weather suddenly got very cold today? It was nice all week. I thought it was summer…I just finished putting all of my sweaters away.

 

Telling Lies – Sick Puppies

Just finished up part of my study session and thought I’d do some work on one of my novels. So I was going through one of my playlists while gathering my things together, and this song came on. I realized that this song fits several characters I’ve had over the years. Perhaps when I publish I’ll post the playlists I’ve made over the years for my characters. I like to imagine what they might listen to, and this one fits with a good chunk of them.

 

4 in the Morning

I should probably make lunch of something right now…but I don’t want to. Thing is if I don’t eat now I won’t get to eat anything until late in the afternoon or sometime this evening.

I want to sit around in my pyjamas for the rest of the day…that is until I have to leave my house.

At 4 am the smoke detector went off. I finally got myself to bed at 12 am…and then at 4 the beeping started. I thought someone pulled the fire alarm and was looking for my jacket and some socks. Meanwhile my roommate is freaking out and I realize that they just set the detector off. When I opened my door to put my shoes on I looked around and saw no fire, heard no beeping and my roommates were mumbling in their room. So I went back to bed. Or I tried too….

Honestly, I was probably up later than 12 because I was writing before bed and then I was still thinking about what I had written as I was falling asleep.

I guess I should get dressed and make lunch.

They’ve set the detector off twice this week. What are they doing making food at 4 in the morning anyway?

Totally just noticed that my post name is a song. Hope everyone has a great day!

Perhaps Thoughts Are Like Dogs?

giphy

Well, I’m up so I thought I’d do a little research, drink some lemonade and let my thoughts run wild (as they do constantly).

I keep debating on whether or not now is a good time to work on one of my two novels (one is in a binder and one is on my laptop) but I’m worried once I start, my mind will become more active than it is now and I’ll have trouble getting back to sleep. What’s worse is that I’m craving a popsicle and I’m trying to lose weight. Midnight snacking is probably the worst thing I can do to myself right now…but I really want it. They’re just sitting in my freezer, waiting….

Anyway, to avoid indulging in sweets and letting my hour run the other day completely go to waste, I should probably try to fall asleep again. At least staring at the screen and colouring with my Crayola markers helped me relax my thoughts a little. Perhaps thoughts are like dogs…they get really hyper when they hear somebody coming to the door, or when they hear words like walk, and so they suddenly are jumping all over you and running around trying to get your attention. That is exactly how thoughts are…at least mine. They’re like “Did someone say walk? Walk reminds me of outside, which reminds me the weather is really nice today. Did you notice the way the sun was just sitting on the lake this morning? Ooh! That would be fun to write about! Oh did someone say pizza? I want pizza! Pizza tastes sooooo yummy! Like…pizza,” and they don’t stop until you offer them a nice old belly rub or a scratch behind the ears.

I’m going to do my best to fall asleep again. I promised myself I’d only exercise and study these next two days. Plus I need to eventually pick up some birthday gifts…if I end up working on my novels or doing concept art or storyboarding I’ll end up doing that for more than half the day and I won’t end up getting done what needs to be done. I just get really immersed in my work…and get lost in La La Land as my grade one teacher called it.

Good morning/night everyone. Wishing you all the best today!

— R.

Happy Siblings Day

Dear Big Bro,

Thank you for farting to clear the couch so you can lay down and steal the remote. Thanks for rocking those baseball caps and letting me steal your style when I was younger. Thanks for jumping out of no where and scaring me, and for asking for a bite of my food and eating the majority of it. Thanks for being honest and for embarrassing me in public, and for beating all the bosses in video games for me. Thanks for not letting me watch scary movies with you, and for calling me a nerd, a punk, and for my sibling nickname. Thanks for telling me jokes, for coming to my soccer games (even though you like baseball), and for showing me cool musicians. Thanks for offering to teach me to drive on busy streets and for teasing me about never bringing my licence when you do. Thanks for vowing to beat up kids that picked on me, but never actually doing it. Thanks for chucking me into the toy bin of the soft toys and not the one with the Lego and the cars…because that would’ve hurt. Thanks for sitting through Pokémon and for not thinking I’m weird because I like to watch anime. Thanks for not getting angry whenever I followed you around as a kid when you were with your friends, and thanks for always going “Don’t say that word!” after I heard you swear. Thanks for all your other advice as well, and for warning me about what its really like being a grown up. I listened to that advice, and you were right being a kid is way more fun.

Love you bro.


 

Dear Little Sis,

Thank you for being my best friend and for listening to me ramble about things you obviously have no interest in. Thank you for throwing things at me whenever you overreact to me eating the last bit of…whatever, even though you ate your share. Thank you for being extremely scary before 11 am, and for glaring at me if I wake you up any earlier. Thank you for getting embarrassed whenever I tease you about the boy who works, you know where, and for going “I told you not to tell!” whenever I accidentally tell mom and dad that you like someone. Sorry…it just happens. Thanks for loving video games so much and for having a great shot in soccer. Thanks for making hilarious comics and for writing songs with me. Thanks for listening to me read my writing to you and for editing my work. Thanks for always following me around and for letting me tag along with your friends when I had trouble making my own. Thanks for taking my side whenever mom and dad lectured me about my decisions as a kid. Thanks for being there whenever I need somebody to talk to, especially when you have better things to do like play Fates or Story of Seasons. Thanks for pointing out how nerdy I am, and for rolling your eyes at me whenever I beg you to watch a movie with me. Thank you for laughing at my jokes and for finishing my sentences. Thank you for not calling me a Goth when I wasn’t a Goth and for convincing our parents that I wasn’t…because I wasn’t. Wait…what? Thanks for telling me if what I’ve said makes any sense to you. Thanks for being less patient than I am but for trying to be whenever you have to. Stay golden kiddo.

Love you sis,

–R.

My Extraordinary Professor

My professor has asked that we write about a phrase that entered our hearts and resonated with us. He wants us to be honest and personal with our choice…and yet I can’t seem to pick out a single phrase. The phrases I’ve been reciting aloud I don’t know if they have any particular meaning to me…although I understand the context behind them.  I’m sure something will come to me by the end of the night.

I love the freedom my professor has given us to explore the text for ourselves, and find our own meaning. I love that he wants us to succeed, and that he cares about each individual student. I’ve never had a teacher this extraordinary before. One that is both passionate about what they’re teaching, and also passionate about what and how the students are learning.

I’m very grateful to have had the opportunity to have him as my professor two years in a row (going for a third). He makes me enjoy coming to school, fall in love with the texts we’re reading, and he’s taught me a lot about what it means to be a great teacher and a great story teller. I wish that everyone was as lucky as I am to have a teacher like this.

I’ll write something that he’ll be proud of. I want to do my best work, not only because he expects it from me but because he believes in my ability to do so.

Thank you for all of your encouragement sir.

— R.

Two exams down, and I’m feeling pretty good. I’m definitely going to go for a run tomorrow so that I can clear my head and work off all the sugar I’ve been eating.

The school year is ending…and soon all three kids will be out of my parents house. A lot’s going to change over these next few years. The changes are coming pretty fast. I’m a little sad that all my old friends are growing up but we’re all making new friends who we’ll probably still hang out with when we’re old and grey.

I do miss my friends from high school. I miss our conversations, the stupid fights and the awkwardness that came with being a teenager. I grew up with some of them. They’re like a second family. We’ve been through a lot together…and I want to continue growing with them, if that’s where life brings us.

My new friends, I’m going to miss some of them because they’re graduating. They’ve been like big brothers and sisters to me this year and I appreciate them. I hope to be that person for a first or second year student next year and the years to follow. I like that my new friends don’t have stupid fights, and that our conversations are either hilarious and very random or that they’re focused and insightful. I like how we can joke around while we learn, and while we teach one another. I love that we take ourselves seriously, but not too seriously and that we know who we are.

Friends are so important to me…and for those who’ve followed my blog for a long time, my first year of university was very rough because I left all of my friends behind. I had a difficult time making friends with people no matter how hard I tried…I was a huge loner; lets face it that’s why I put on so much weight and put my novel on hold. It was pretty depressing…and honestly it was scary. Since my summer job helped me learn the skills I needed to make small talk, and the courses I took this year forced me to get in front of groups of people and speak I gained a lot of confidence. That confidence in myself…it feels amazing. I’m not as shy anymore and although I’ve always said hello to people, I actually can carry a conversation (which comes in handy when talking to bae…sorry for anyone who hates that term. I turned 20 a month ago. I’m still a child).

Well this post is getting pretty long…and it doesn’t have pictures which bothers my younger sister, so I’ll just finish off here. I was just watching a television show and the kids on it were graduating high school, and two of my friends are graduating and my sister and our friends back home are graduating and I just…wish that at my graduation that I got the chance to say goodbye to people who meant a great deal to me and who I wish…I hadn’t lost contact with. Some times I wish I could still be hanging out with my old friends but we’re growing up and doing our own thing now. We still talk once in a while and meet up…but it isn’t the same as seeing them every day.


I’m hyper and deleted another 600 words of me babbling about random things in my life because I didn’t want that one person to read that far and think, “This guy should never drink coffee.”

For the safety of others I only drink tea…but I let my tea get super dark today and it was bitter and I still drank it and then I was running around my house doing chores and–To bed, to bed! I tell you yet again Banquo is buried; he cannot come out on’s grave! Goodnight sweet prince. Parting is such sweet sorrow…. Tomorrow…tomorrow…tomorrow.

 

 

Old vs. New: Reading my old writing

Once Upon a Time

The other night I found one of my memory sticks (needed it to get a saved copy of a group project from my friend) and it was filled with ten drafts of my novels. Some of them were drafts of the same story, the one that I’ve decided to tuck away for a while. I’ve just been reading through them and I’m shocked at the quality of my writing (minus the awkward structure). I suppose a similar thing happened while I was in high school, when I decided to flip through my old binders and notebooks and noticed how I used to write and compared it to my current writing.

What I find funny is that I used to use a ton of description, a painful amount honestly. I’d describe things that really didn’t need to be talked about, what-so-ever and my dialogue was decent. Now I find that I barely describe anything and my dialogue is more free and realistic…which I like. I like when I’m reading dialogue and it flows like an actual conversation. My dialogue used to be very staged and choppy. Still some of my descriptions were really fun to have around. It made my characters thoughts seem more…teenage. Although internal dialogue is something I’m doing a lot of with one of the novels I’m working on write now (which I will post in the future as promised! I didn’t forget).

Wow my old poetry is so…innocent and happy. Nothing like the “emo” poems I’ve been writing over the last couple of years. This file of poetry is from 2012. What on earth happened between now and 2012 that caused such a shift? I mean…as a little kid all my stories and poems were about animals. I suppose this was the space between writing about animals and people? I still write about nature and the weather. Perhaps I’ve just been writing more during the fall and winter. My professor and my classmates thought my poems were very cold and depressing, and that I use a lot of winter-like themes in my writing…this is true…but honestly I just found my happier writing very corny and personal and my more depressing stuff was never written about myself, but about characters in my novels. I guess I cheated a little by not sharing something that was directly related to me, but if someone asked me to read a really dorky poem that I wrote about someone I had a crush on when I was 14, I’d look for the nearest exit immediately…and I’d just run.

I think I’ll share a bit of my old writing…and eat a bagel: cinnamon raisin.

Peace out! Enjoy your Thursday folks!

— R.