Off to the Editing Board: A Very Awkward Blog Post…ahahaha

freakingout

Deleting my poems off of here was really sad…and I just submitted them to be reviewed so, my heart feels like it’ll jump right out.

Well. Hopefully they get chosen….

I’m screaming on the inside right now. Shaking. I’m nervous. Why can’t they tell me now? I don’t want to wait anther two weeks. I want to know how. I NEED to know NOW. This is one of the scariest things I have ever done.

Please, please, please, please, PLEASE pick me!

I’m so nervous.

Has anyone ever felt like this before after sending out their work? How did you deal with it?

I still can’t believe I clicked the send button. They’re gone. My pretties are going to be looked at by strangers…complete strangers.

I’m actually shivering. Maybe it’s cold in here? I forgot to have dinner. What is going on? I can’t believe I did that. I thought I was going to chicken out. I seriously thought I would chicken out. I didn’t cave. I didn’t chicken out. I actually pressed send. I actually submitted my work. I can’t believe it. Wow…I did it. I actually did it. That’s great. That’s really great. This is a good thing. Ha…ha…ha…no need to be nervous. I mean…February isn’t that far away.

NO I LOST INTERNET ACCESS!

Thank God…it sent. It went through. I sent it. I really…sent it.

Okay…goodbye for now…bye…ahahahahahahaha….Oh God.

–R.

 

Submissions, Submissions…Oh What Shall I Send?

Recently I’ve been trying to decide on what I should submit for publishing (for our schools yearly book), however my original idea…has some how vanished into thin air. I was going to submit a story, one that I had not posted onto my blog that was reviewed by my peers…however I’m unable to find it anywhere. So now I am considering my poetry, but like I mentioned before depending on what I submit, I don’t know if I want to have my name on it. Especially since one of my professors will be reviewing the submissions…and well, he’s a tough guy to please sometimes. He’s said it himself. He’s picky when it comes to writing…but he’s a writer himself.

So, I’m thinking of going through some poems that I’ve written, that haven’t been posted anywhere online. The submission cannot have been published before, and I don’t want to be called out for plagiarism because I submitted something I had written four years ago, and posted on one of the many writing websites I’ve been on over the years.

I’m worried that I may not submit anything at all out of fear…fear of what I’m not sure. I don’t know why but when it comes to contests or submitting to collections, I become uneasy. Is it that I suddenly doubt myself? I don’t think so….I think my main issue is that I enjoy my privacy. By having my name on the work I submit…others who know me would see it. Some of the things I write are very personal, whereas other work that I do is say…from a characters perspective. I’ve had people say at times that I write a lot of sad poems, but I also write a lot of happy ones. The thing is that the sad poems I had shared with them were not about myself, so I felt comfortable letting people read them. Whereas the happy poems I’d been writing at the time were…embarrassingly personal. I doubt anyone else will have access to them for a very, very long time.

To think this has me up at midnight. I should be sleeping…but I haven’t been sleeping well. Normally I’m working on something at this hour…writing, drawing…. Not tonight. Tonight I’m thinking. Constantly thinking.

I really want to submit my work, but I’m unsure of what I should share. If I could I’d choose a poem that someone else had read and liked. It would make this process so much easier. If I could just find my story I wouldn’t have to deal with this. Then again I don’t know if it fits the requirements. I feel like it might fall into the category of genre fiction, which isn’t allowed. Then again…it wasn’t meant to fit a particular genre. I just wrote it. Honestly, it was completely out of genre for me. I’ve never written anything like it…and people really enjoyed it. They were surprised by it. Oh well…I’ll think of something. I mean, I could always try writing some new material, but the deadlines this week. I feel like it’d be better not to waste time.

I’d like to have the satisfaction of actually telling people my work has been published versus just talk about all the writing I do. It seems kind of pointless to go on and on about something, when you have nothing to show for it. I’ve been writing stories since I was a little kid. I’d like to be taken seriously. Yes, I write for fun but…I don’t just see my writing as a hobby. I want to be a published author someday. At the rate I’m going, hopefully I can say that very soon.

Editing

As you know I’ve been editing the first draft of my novel, and transferring it all from my binder onto my laptop. I’ve realized that I’m able to type a lot faster than I’d originally thought.

I was a bit concerned that because I had been working on this book for three years, that my writing style would be drastically different now as opposed to in the 12th grade. Surprisingly, my writing back then doesn’t make my cringe. Obviously, I’ve learned a lot since then and have made improvements to my style, however so far I haven’t read anything from the first few chapters that has made me grit my teeth. It’s actually fun seeing how different my hand has become…not necessarily the difference in my printing but the words I choose to put on the page, and the pace I create. I’ve found differences, which honestly…are good differences, and then I’ve found similarities. I’m watching myself grow as a writing, by reading over a work that took me three years to complete. It’s really cool.

Anyway, gotta keep this short today. I’ve got to be on the road soon.

Till next time.

–R.

Confidence, Caution and Publishing

Found on google a long, long time ago...photographer unknown

Hola,

I haven’t blogged in a while because I was on vacation. I had taken advantage of being able to schedule blog posts before I left. I’m also recovering as I came down with a fever during my vacation.

So…I’m sort of battling with myself right now. I have the opportunity to have my work published in a collection, however, I’m not sure what it is I want to submit and if what I submit will be accepted. I also am uneasy about having my name on my work…as I always write using a penname. I guess I just don’t want people to judge me.

It has to be work I haven’t previously published…and I don’t know if what I have is honestly any good. I suppose I’m lacking confidence. I can only say that I’ve written two short stories that I’m actually satisfied with…and as for my poetry, I’ve been told it’s good. I find that it is sometimes very corny or very depressing though.

I’ve never really known myself to be so…insecure. I just don’t know how I feel about this. I don’t doubt that my work will be selected…it’s just that the work I choose to submit will have a reflection on me as a person, and that is what concerns me. I don’t always write about myself, especially when it comes to my poetry. More recently, yes, I have been writing more personal poems, however they are not under my real name. My nickname is R, yah, but only my family would recognize that.

Perhaps I’m over thinking this…I haven’t actually entered my work into anything since I graduated from high school. It’s been three years. I mean…I’m going to be publishing my novel soon. I’m going to have to publish my work eventually. I just feel…uneasy. I want to do it, but something is preventing me from making a move. Maybe I’m being too cautious?

–R.

My Room

While I was away at school my parents rearranged my bedroom. It feels like I’ve got a lot more space now, which is nice. I mean, there’s more room to move around when my room is set up like this.

I actually have room for my keyboard and guitar, which is great. Plus my parents got my a new bookshelf…although it isn’t any use to me here at home, when it’s the one in my apartment that needs to be replaced (it’s been broken for years and keeps getting worse).

Yep…only weird thing is that my bed is right up against the wall. I keep thinking that I’m going to fall off or something.

Well, I’ve got a lot to do today so I’d better get going.

Until next time,

–R.

Hi There!

Wow, it’s been a while. I’ve been pretty busy since my exams finished. I’ve barely used the internet. I’ve either been editing my novel, sketching, writing music or running around visiting relatives.

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Oct. 16th, 2016. O. Ryder

I suppose that taking a break from social media is alright. Being “connected” all of the time can be tiresome. Sometimes I prefer to be left alone. I don’t want people messaging me 24/7. It’s more fun actually having a face to face conversation in the flesh than sending a snapchat to my friends.

Writing Update: I’ve begun editing the first draft of my novel, and I am now working on the fourth and fifth chapter of the other novel that I’m working on. I like to continue writing during my editing process. I feel as though I need to remain productive, because whenever I have completed a project, I always think to myself, “Now what?” since back then I usually spent an entire year focusing solely on one thing at a time. This low-key multitasking is actually really nice. What I do is I create the structure for other projects, while I am writing others, and then once I’ve begun editing my main project I have other things to work on as well. This is so that when I have completed my main project I am already set up with another project. I’ve found this method effective, however I know that it isn’t full proof. Obviously ones main project could change partway through, however it is a good way to battle against things such as writers block.

 

Life Update: I won some money in the lottery. $22.00. I’m a rich kid now.

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Bear in the Big Blue House

 

I will blog again soon!

— R.