Yesterday I finished my final exams and all I could think was, “Boy did time fly.” It feels as if moments ago I was sword fighting with my cousins by the lake, and then in a blink of an eye I’m an eighteen year old kid sitting on my bed reading all of the short stories I’ve written over the last two years.
I’ve said this many times in the last month that I am ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. I’m ready to try and do things on my own without my parents coaching me along the way (though their coaching does help me come to a decision faster…). I told my sister multiple times, “High school is done and I have no regrets.” I’ve forgiven the people that hurt me, left behind those that weren’t the right company, and successfully finally figured out which studying methods work best for me (insert props/daps here).
If there was anything that I could have changed, it would have been to get the nerve to ask an old friend of mine, “What did I do wrong?” Though I’ve told myself after not speaking to them for two years that I am over it. There is still this pesky little voice in the back of my head saying, “Ask! Just ask! It’s a simple question!” but I feel as though there is nothing to ask anymore. Two years is a long time…or so it seems.
They surprising spoke to me first…which I tried to be casual about. I didn’t say, “What the heck is your deal man? You ignore me for two years and then you come to tell me that your ‘boo’ wants me to wait for them? Yah…NO!” I could never see myself saying that in reality, however if I did speak like this to people it would be very gutsy of me….I simply said, “Oh okay. No problem.” and that was the end of the conversation. Yes my friend hurt me, and yes we aren’t friends anymore but I let it go….
Okay why did I have to say that? Now that song is going to be in my head all day! Stupid…movie. Okay I actually like the movie. I’ve watched it three times with my niece. I think Hans is cool and I like Olaf because when I mimic his voice my niece gives me “warm hugs.”
Anyway! That was really off topic…so if I were to go back in time and change ONE thing it would be that I would straight up ask my friend if they were alright during that first week when they started avoiding me. And if they claimed that nothing was wrong and continued to ignore me then I would simply let it be. I wouldn’t fuss about it or let myself get hurt by it (and trust me it feels like getting stabbed in the chest when the kid you’ve known since the 5th grade suddenly starts to push you out of their life). I wouldn’t have dwelled on it for so long or spent the summer going, “Maybe I should go see if they want to get a slushie?” and never bothering to get off my butt out of fear that they might say no.
I’m just happy that the two years of silence were broken…and that I didn’t have break it.
Well that’s the end of this post because apparently my computer needs to restart in exactly 4 minutes!
Hope everyone has a great summer!