When you suck at comforting people and feel like a terrible friend…

When a friend of mine is going through a hard time, it really gets to me. I want to help them but I’m never sure how. I’ve never been good at trying to comfort others. Usually if someone is upset I just sit there and listen. I don’t say things like, “I know what you’re going through” because I don’t know their exact situation. I’m also not a very physical person, so to hug or even pat someone on the back isn’t a natural response for me to those types of situations. I tend to just stand there awkwardly contemplating whether or not I should give someone a hug. I’ve only had one friend express to me that they were the exact same way in these types of situations.

It really sucks because I truly want to help and be there for my friends when they’re in need, but I honestly don’t know what to do or say. Saying you’re sorry never seems like enough…especially if your friend has lost someone dear to them. I’ve only given a hug to one person who looked sad because they were trying so hard not to look upset, and I just felt in my heart that they really needed one.

I’ve always been this way, I know it isn’t exactly normal but that’s just how I am. If I could change this about myself I would. I mean, a lot of the people I’m friends with are huggers. My family are hugging folk as well. I’m the odd one out. I’m not afraid of hugs, and I like to receive them if I need them but whenever I’m upset about something I prefer to be left alone. Sometimes I draw or write poetry or music and then when I’m ready I talk about it. I deal with a lot of things on my own, and maybe that’s why I don’t know how to help others out when they’re feeling stressed out or are upset.

This sure is frustrating….

Well, I’ve got class in a bit so I’d better get ready. I just needed to get that off my chest because I truly want to help my friend out and I really don’t know how.

— R.



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