Study, Study, Exam, Sleep…bleh…

I’m almost done exams. I’m so glad. I’ve spent the last few days doing review for a course, and I still have yet to study for my final (yikes!) but oh well. I just want to get this over and done with. I have no doubt that I’ll do well on this exam. I’m usually very calm when I have exams…some people find that strange but I’m grateful for it whenever I talk to my friends because I’m able to also put other people at ease a little bit.

It’s always good to have one calm person around when you’re feeling anxious about something. I know that from performing. I usually can pull off a calm appearance, however inside I’m like “Ah! What is this? Why? Why am I up here? All these people are looking at me!”

Despite all my studying I have managed to do some writing, and I’ve read a couple of books as well. I should have been reading books for my one exam but I guess I have all afternoon today and tomorrow morning for that. I really just need to review some authors names and get familiar with certain passages that we discussed in class.

I’m so glad my last two exams are literally 5 minutes from my apartment because I just wanna write, come home and go to bed. I tried to go to bed around 12 am last night, but instead I think I ended up going to bed around 2 am. I watched cartoons until around 1:20 am…and then I lied down on my pillow and thought about random stuff for a while. I couldn’t sleep. It was like my brain was still going over my notes. I was still studying in between theme songs. I used to do that back in my first year of university. I have to say, studying in between commercials and theme songs is effective. It doesn’t feel like you’re studying but when you take a break and do say…30 minutes of review and then take a break and watch something or go for a run, I find you actually remember more than when you try to cram everything in last-minute.

I really don’t feel like putting on jeans or anything to go write an exam. It’s funny cause for my last exam I was…basically dressed to go out somewhere important…this exam is early in the morning. Sweats. All. Day. I’m in the mood to feel comfortable. I would rather just go, write, come home and sleep for a few hours. Trust me…I need the sleep.

Try to imagine studying for an exam in which half of the questions are related to sleep, and or the lack of and you haven’t been sleeping properly. Yah…so I’m gonna get me some proper sleep. I also haven’t had more than one meal a day. I went out for sushi on Monday with my sister and her friend. So I ate that…and then yesterday I made us some steaks for dinner. So in the last two days all I’ve had was steak and sushi. Now…I did eat half of my chocolate bunny that my aunt gave me on the weekend (all the kids got them…even the big kids), but chips for breakfast and lunch is honestly disgusting. I can’t do…I don’t know why I did it. We’re out of milk and bread and eggs…certain things we just don’t need to buy because we’re done for the school year. I really just wanna write this exam. I feel like I should be writing it at this very second.

Other than the little bit of writing I got to do in between studying, I also managed to draw a bit, which was pretty cool. Write now I’m praying that everything goes well. The beginning of the school year was extremely stressful, and I think because of that I ended up slacking off a ton throughout the year. I couldn’t deal with the stress…so there were things that I avoided and I do regret doing so. At the same time, I’m glad I was able to get through all of it. There are people I know who went through some really rough stuff this year and they had a lot of trouble trying to cope. It was too much on them…and thankfully they had people around who were able to be there for them when the time came.

I know that because of my personality, I tend to try to suck it up and hold things in. I get it from my Dad. He and my sister might have similar personalities…to the point where they’re almost the same person but I did adopt that trait. I guess that’s part of why I end up snapping once in a while. People can only handle so much. If I don’t have an outlet then I end up bottling everything inside. Over time I start to feel heavy. If you’ve ever opened up a bottle of pop that’s been shaken, that’s almost what it’s like. Suddenly all of this stuff comes shooting out and there’s no way to stop it…but after a few minutes everything’s calm and it seems as if nothing happened. I guess the only difference between myself and a bottle of pop is that I can clean myself up after I explode. It is definitely one thing I’d like to change about myself, because people assume I’ll just put up with certain things. Usually if I see another person who is being mistreated I get up and say something without thinking…I’ve been like this since I was a kid. However, when it comes to myself I do the whole three strike thing.

Anyway, I’m feeling a lot more…awake now. I’m ready to go and write this exam. I just wanna go in any ace this and then come home and embrace my pillow. I often express my relationship to my pillow when I write about my character who doesn’t sleep…he and I have a lot in common. Besides…well…some stuff I won’t mention since that would spoil the story.

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