It’s that time of year where I start living on ramen, KD and water because I’m too busy to buy groceries and I can’t afford to get bagels from Tims….
All I can say is that I’m glad I’ll be finished classes soon…I plan on doing some stuff online during the summer but summer in university starts in May. Luckily for me I’m going to have a couple weeks after my final exam before those start up…I’ll get to go home and write.
I’ve been wanting to work on my novels for what feels like ages now. At least I’ve had time to draw. If I didn’t have time to draw I’d probably lose it.
All my hobbies are fairly time consuming…writing and recording music, drawing, writing, reading. Actually, I’ve managed to get some reading in. I have so many books I want to catch up on but thankfully I’ve gotten through a handful of my comics this past month. I can’t get enough of my comic books. Studying English in university really makes you hate reading novels. It’s problematic. Even with writing novels…there are times when it feels stressful because all you do is read and write and discuss. There are days when all I want to do is sit on my butt, eat junk and binge watch mindless television series. Cartoons are great guys. They make you think…or they don’t make you think at all. I’ve slowly begun to enjoy reading again through my comic and manga collection. Graphic novels and the like don’t feel like novels. Sometimes theirs colour…and even when they aren’t in colour I still see colours in my head. I’m still enjoying a great book but I think the visual aspect makes it a much quicker read. I get lost in the story so easily…and then it’s over in a flash. Honestly I finish some of my comics in a half hour. Which suchs because I spend up to nineteen dollars on a book that takes me thirty minutes to plow through.
Anyway, once classes are out I’m writing as much as I want at any hour of the day whereever and whenever. When I was younger you would never see me without a binder or notebook of sorts. If I wasn’t writing I was drawing. Even the students I work know that I draw all the time…and my fellow classmates. It’s really hard to draw in public without people hovering over you, and asking a million questions. When I write in public I don’t draw as much attention to myself when I’m out in public.
I’d better eat. I haven’t had any food today. Time to enjoy that tasty ramen that totally has serious health benefits.
In our lives there will always be hopes and fears popping in and out of our heads. Some nights they dance about as I try to shut my eyes and scatter about the room as I toss and turn, trying to settle my mind. When I wake up I’m in a daze before they come rushing back.
I try to wake up feeling excited versus anxious, about the things to come. I try not to think of the ever-growing list of things I need to do for the day and take my time getting ready. Still by the time I realize I’m running behind schedule, these hopes and fears are there waiting by the door. I try to keep them locked up but they must have figured out how to climb through the window.
No matter. I can always stick my headphones in and ignore them. The music will drown them out…although I do like the hopes very much, so I let them dance while I walk to the rhythm of the morning. They’re warm like the sun and brush gently across my skin. They make my heart pound heavily, but the heaviness is nice…it lets me know that I’m still alive and as I get lost in my hopes I pull out my phone and suddenly fear sinks its teeth into me.
Being late, not having things done, forgetting something back at home…all of the little fears that poke and pick at me throughout the day. Sometimes it’s easy to ignore them and other times I can’t. I think about kicking them, or stomping on them…but at the same time being so carefree isn’t always a good thing. Things need to get done. I have places I need to go, people I need to meet, work I need to finish…and the ever-growing list of little fears pushes me to get them done. My heart races when the fears start to slither about. They slip between my ankles, wrap around my throat…they nearly suffocate me…and yet I’m still alive.
My hopes tug at me and my fears start to pull back. Both clawing at my arms and legs and face. I can’t seem to decide which way to go, so I sit in the grey…and I wait. I procrastinate. I pretend everything is nothing, and that nothing is everything. It’s a numb place to be, and very boring…there’s no music or colour. There are no hopes and no fears…so I let them back in and let the battle begin, until night-time comes again and I begin to dream.
I’m twenty-two today. Seems a bit weird….
This year has definitely been an adventure. I’ve tried new things, had some good days, some bad and I’m getting ready to graduate.
My family treated me to dinner the other night which was really fun. I was getting a bit home sick honestly, and just getting to spend time with my family was nice. I finally get to head home for Easter.
Being twenty-one was fun…but I’m home twenty-two will be less stressful. I’d definitely say that the start of your twenties is pretty rocky but that’s usually how transitions are. I’m definitely trying to take my time growing up. I’m not in any rush to be a full fledged “adult” yet…but I know I’m not a kid anymore. I’m going to try and enjoy whatever comes my way this year.
I submitted a story about my Dad today, and actually started to cry while I was writing it. My Dad is honestly one of the most amazing people I know. I really look up to him. He’s always got my back. I know that I’m lucky to have him.
Despite how late it is I’m currently itching to write. I haven’t had a chance to work on my own projects for such a long time (or a least it feels that way). Perhaps I can do a bit of writing now…or at least read over where I last stopped off.
I don’t want to be up too late. I have stuff that I need to get done tomorrow…homework, laundry…dishes…and whatever else.
Honestly I wish I could just take a day off…but once I’m done being busy I’ll probably complain that there’s nothing to do.
The past week has been extremely busy, but it’s also been a lot of fun. I have some work that I need to catch up on this week, but other than that I’m feeling great.
There’s just something about performing that makes me feel joy. I like to make stories come to life for others. It’s spectacular. It’s been years since I’ve been in an actual staged production, and I was worried that I might be nervous but surprisingly I felt great. No nerves in sight. I was pumped. I was so full of energy. By the end of the night all I wanted to do was sleep…but that excitement is lingering inside of me. Only a few shows left…then back to my boring routine.
I’m definitely going to miss everything about this school, my friends, my professors…and this small little city. I love it here. I’m sad to leave but it’s time to start a new chapter in my life.
I was nervous about coming here, and now I’m nervous about leaving. I think deep down, I was starting to believe that I’d spend the rest of my life here. Silly that I’d go so far to imagine living here permanently.
I’m ready to graduate. I’m 100% ready. I really don’t want to bother doing the silly graduation photos and what not…but my parents want them so I guess I have to. I just want to take some nice pictures. I rarely smile in these kinds of photos.I really just wanna get my diploma and dip. I’m ready to move on.
I have to write some tests today, so I’d better stop blogging. I’m feeling pretty sleepy at the moment…so I wanna wake myself up with a warm drink before I have to catch the bus.
Once I’m done being busy, and I’ve caught up on my studies I’ll jump back into working on my novels and such.
Recently my sleep schedule has been all over the place. It’s definitely added to the stress I’ve been under lately. As I mentioned in my last post, I haven’t had a chance to work on my own personal projects lately, which is seriously bumming me out. Unfortunately balancing school and my personal life has become more and more difficult over these last two years.
There are days when I feel as though I’m missing out on stuff…and then again there are things that I’d rather not take part in. University is just another chapter in my life that is quickly coming to an end…and I’m ready for what lies ahead. I may not have everything figured out but honestly who does? I just wish I could get my sleep under control. I’m either sleeping ton or not at all. I hate feeling tired in the middle of the day.
Tonight I’m up late because I’m not feeling well…however yesterday I went to bed around 8pm. I was pretty exhausted. Both days were busy but…I guess it’s harder to fall asleep when your stomach feels like it’s going to explode.Actually, if it did explode it might relieve some of the pain. I hate this. I honestly do. I’d better be 100% healthy when I get out of bed tomorrow or I’m going to be ticked. I’m too busy to be sick. I won’t allow it. I have exams to prepare for, homework to catch up on, placements to do, and performances and presentations and….I find myself getting lost in thought trying to squeeze all of these individual tasks into my brain.
My wall is currently plastered in sticky notes. I managed to remove some a couple of days ago…but the ones that remain are a constant reminder of how much stuff I need to do. Yet, here I am blogging, drinking hot water and lemon to sooth my stomach and watching television…to top it off I’m also alternating between three games on my phone. It’s not very productive, but if you spent two days doing nothing but work, you’d want to at least spend a little time in the evening relaxing right? I could seriously go for a nice hot shower right now…despite it being 1 am…but my roommate didn’t rinse out the tub and I literally just cleaned it out….I scrubbed that entire bathroom. I even washed the floors. I don’t like living with people. I broke a glass yesterday, and a piece of it cut my ankle. No one even bothered to come into the kitchen to find out what that shattering sound was. I didn’t even notice the blood until I was finished sweeping. Why did I put shorts on when I got home? Why did I think it was a good idea to wear shorts? All I wanted to do was eat my damn pizza pocket. That’s all I wanted…but these people leave their dirty dishes all over the place. So sorry I broke your glass. I’m left-handed. Not like you’d know that but…don’t leave your stuff so close to the microwave and I won’t accidentally smash it to bits.
I hope this lemon water thing works. I just googled it. Apparently it helps. I figure if my Mom would drink it, it’s probably good for me.
Well…I hope I have something more interesting to update on, other than the things that happen during my day.
Till next time,