Hold Still

Hold true to your word.

Peace, love will be heard.

Hold still–soft.

Make no sound.

The darkness will come ’round.


This is what happens when I write to music.

–R.

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Glass

What do we do, when the ones we care about are broken?

Do we punish the ones who have hurt them? Make them pay for their crimes. Show them what broken really looks like.

Do we try to fix them or do we leave them shattered like broken glass. Millions of a whole sparkling in the dirt.

It is hard to love a broken thing. When things break we replace them…it’s easier than taking the time to mend them. Easier to forget about what is broken. Who is broken. No one wants to be reminded of the things that are broken…the people they have broken.

I saw her broken. She laid there, like glass. Silent…though silence was never something she longed for. I couldn’t touch her. She was sharp. Her shards laid at my feet. I didn’t break her, but I cannot fix her. I don’t know how. I want to. I want what once was. This bond between us, shatter by those who hurt her. Beat her down into the dirt. Shoved their words into her like daggers. Tore apart what was left of her. Somehow she rose. A million pieces. She rose up, still shattered and she glistened in the sun. I couldn’t fix her. I don’t know if she even wanted to be fixed. Perhaps she likes being broken? Perhaps the glass makes her enemies tremble with fear. She is strong, even though she is shattered. Her strength is the greatest sword ever built.


For my dearest and oldest friend.

Stay strong.

–R.

“Play is just as important as reading a good book.”

As someone who works with children, it irritates me when I hear adults say things like, “A child couldn’t understand this.” Especially when it comes to books. I have always been an avid reader. I read comedies, tragedies, histories, whatever there was to be read I would read it. Happy or sad, it didn’t matter as long as it was well written. The words resonated me, and even if there were some words that I didn’t fully understand, the feelings stayed with me. Children are very empathetic. They are capable of understanding emotions, and are able to place themselves into other people’s positions quite easily.

I think the reason for this is because children play pretend. When we play pretend we enter into a life that is not our own. It’s a lot like reading a book, honestly. Only adults think that books are more sophisticated and, grown up. I’ve always felt it was the same thing. Writing, and playing. What do actors do? They play at being someone else. Writers imagine many lives, and feel many emotions, think many thoughts. Is this not what children do when they play pretend?

I have played games with my five-year old niece. In one of her games the king died. I was surprised while watching this little girl play as the queen, who was saddened by her husbands passing. The queen was too upset to leave her bed. She was lonely. If a five year old, can understand this without having any idea of what death really means, then why do adults think children are incapable of understand the notion of death?

My niece knows that when someone dies we don’t see them anymore. This is all she knows, and yet, this little girl can take the scenario of not seeing a person you love anymore, and associate it with loneliness. How does one feel when they are lonely? Sad? Depressed?

Even in some of my classrooms I have read aloud to my students and listened to them rant about how rude the characters are in the story. I’ve had children say, “They need a spank on the butt!” My niece will say it as well, when I read her Cat in the Hat.

Children are not given enough credit. They are observant and their world is complex, much like our own. A child’s world is much like a puzzle. They slowly put the pieces together as they grow. The figure out where things belong over time. They are not incompetent. Children are extremely capable of grasping tough subjects such as war, and death, and loneliness. Do not underestimate a child’s abilities. Play is just as important as reading a good book.

–R.

Sticky Notes

Ten. Ten sticky notes piled on top of each other, looking like a game of Tetris. Each one a reminder.

Read this. Password for this. Pick up this.

The list goes on. A boring list that no one really cares for, especially not a person who procrastinates. So, why does the procrastinator strategically place these different coloured notes along the wall? Well, they need to know how long they can put off their work for. To procrastinate successfully, one must of course induce a sense of anxiety. They must watch as time shrinks away. Meaningless numbers seem to have meaning when they’re written out on paper. Deadlines and due dates and appointments. Just numbers. Who could have guessed that a small, yellow square could become so significant. Of course, once the task is complete there will be no reason to keep the note on the wall. No, it’ll be crumpled up and tossed into the trash, along with other useless things. Like old symbols on an ancient ruin, it will have lost its meaning. Then there will be another to take its place, and it will linger on the wall until it too is tossed away. Insignificant numbers, on insignificant pieces of paper.

Novel Update

This morning I made some more progress with my editing. I’m happy to say that I’m almost finished! Only four chapters left. My goal to finish by the end of the month is completely possible. I was worried there for a bit, working two jobs and trying to complete this at the same time seemed very difficult. I only had one day a week to myself, and even then I felt as though there was work that needed to be done.

After this stage, I’ll be able to complete my read through. I want to do this as soon as possible so that I can make any of the necessary corrections before handing it over to my “test” readers and editors. An extra pair of eyes never hurts. I also want to make sure that I’ve been consistent throughout the novel.

If I work hard enough I can probably get those last few chapters edited by Monday. However, I’ve got a wedding to go to tomorrow, so I’m not sure how much time I’ll have before and afterwards. Still, Monday night seems to be a reasonable amount of time.

–R.

Novel Update/Other Projects

I’m still editing. I really thought that I’d get more done before the beginning of August but because I work two jobs I’ve fallen behind on all of my projects. Yesterday I finally had the opportunity to get out of the house for a couple of hours. I did so as well today. I bought a CD, hung out with my folks and used my Chapters gift card. Scored myself two books. I try to read before I fall asleep at night. Helps me to clear my head.

Anyway, despite falling behind in my editing I’m still pleased with the progress I’ve made. Ness is doing final touches on the illustrations for my book, which she has so kindly offered to do. Hopefully it’ll be ready before the end of the month. Depending on how my editing goes with my novel, I’m expecting that book to be on the market sooner.

I’ve decided to spend a portion of my afternoon editing. I want to do a couple of chapters at least. It’s not hard to type it up but I find that there are days when I don’t want to turn my computer on at all. I’ve had a fairly stressful year and thankfully my fulltime job is fantastic because the part-time one was really starting to add to the amount of stress I’d been feeling. Writing helps me deal with my stress. Occasionally my mood has an effect on the story. It was more common in my earlier works.

Well, I’d better get started. I’d really like to get as much done as I possibly can before dinners ready. I have to prepare some other things for my full-time job as well.

Till next time,

–R.

Updates

It’s been awhile since my last post. I just finished my first week at my new job. I’m enjoying it so far. I’m doing what I’m going to school for, so it’s perfect for me.

I’ve made a lot of friends at work already.

Book wise, the children’s book is coming along very well. I’m hoping to reach the deadline. As for my novel the editing process is still going as smoothly as it possibly can, now that I’m working fulltime. I actually have two jobs…so trying to balance my week job, my weekend job and my non-work related life is going to be a bit of a challenge. I’m not used to waking up at 6 am for work everyday. Right now I’m pretty tired. I know that by next week my body will have adjusted to the new schedule.

On top of all the work I’m doing I’m trying to tone my muscles up. I’ve managed to take off all that stress weight I gained during that train wreck of a year I had back in 2016. I’m feeling energized again and my confidence is finally coming back. I feel mentally and physically stronger. I’ve been trying to build on my upper body strength as well. I’m lacking in that department. I’ve never really been into any sports that require a tone of upper body strength, so I suppose I never really thought that I needed to work those areas. Now I’m doing my best to try to get some exercise in at least once a day, no matter how tired I am. Even if the exercise is simplistic, I want to keep moving so that I can be at my very best. When I physically feel good, all of my creative work is reflective of that.

Anyway, although it is late, I need to get something into my belly. I didn’t have dinner earlier…wasn’t hungry. I really need to stop doing that.

Till next time,

–R.

Still Editing

I managed to get a bunch of editing done this morning. I’ll probably pick up where I left off in a couple of minutes. I don’t like stopping in the middle of a chapter. There are some spots that I definitely want to revisit and revise. I think that there’s a lot of room for improvement in these scenes…and that there were points where I could have added more description or context. This section has just seemed weak. I don’t know if it’s because it was written three years ago and my style has changed a bit, or because I was being lazy when I wrote it. It definitely needs to be added to. At the moment nothing needs to be taken out, which is nice but it isn’t giving off the impact I was hoping for. I’m sure I can fix it up and get it just right. It’s not horrible it just isn’t…what I want yet.

Other than that, the previous scenes were perfect. I managed to add in a scene which is working very well with the rest of the text. I’m happy with it.

The other day I was playing around on my laptop, doing mock covers for the book. I already have a design, but I thought I’d just make one for fun using the colour scheme and everything that I decided on. It’s not bad…but I gotta say it’s amateur.

Well, I’d better get back to work.

–R.

Editing Again

Today I’m editing again. I’m hoping to get a lot done…we’ll see how it goes. I really want to get this all typed up so that I can print off a huge stack and read through it a couple of times. I just love doing that. It might weird out my folks…and annoy them when suddenly the printer has no ink…or paper…but my Dad’s been lecturing me and asking why I haven’t finished yet. So…I’d better getter done.

–R.