Originally posted on Inkslayer’s Journey: “Write when you have something to say. Write when you don’t. Write everyday. Keep writing.” -Brian Clark
“Don’t stress so much. You’ll be fine.”
— J, after I submitted my work for review and was freaking out. Thanks. I really needed that.
Trying to explain what it means to have a broken heart to a child is extremely difficult. They think of it like a broken bone, something that you can see and mend…however in reality broken hearts are hidden within us, beneath our outer shells.
Sure, some of us have hearts that aren’t very strong, or don’t work they way they should…but we don’t say our hearts our broken when they’re off beat or they burst out of control. We say they’re under attack.
Until today, I never realized how we view our hearts. When I think of my heart, I think of a vessel pumping in my chest but I also think of the vast emotions that I feel and the memories associated with them. I wonder why our hearts feel as though they clench whenever we’re in pain? Or why they race rapidly when we’re nervous, or why our hearts flutter whenever we’re in love?
I don’t think a broken heart can be properly explained. It is one of those things that you have to feel to actually understand…and for the little girl who asked, I hope she doesn’t feel that sort of pain for a very, very long time…even though it is a necessary feeling that we all need in order to grow.
At this rate I don’t know if I’ll have enough money to purchase my supplies. That means putting off publishing for another month. That’s depressing…even with a student discount art supplies can cost an arm and a leg.
I really wanted to have these illustrations done by July. I really, really, really hate this. Maybe I’ll sell my blood, my books and my guitar? Then I can have enough to purchase my supplies and a little left over for…one of my bills. Ugh….
Even though I know that I need to be up early tomorrow for work…I can’t seem to force myself to sleep. I know that it’s because I’m not looking forward to work tomorrow…or the next day…or the day after that. I know its because my heart keeps screaming “I want to quit!” but my mind keeps screaming, “I need to pay my bills!”
I don’t think that being an adult sucks…but it was a lot easier when the only time I ever worried about money was when I was saving up for a new toy or books.
At my age I shouldn’t be up at all hours worrying about money.
There are days when I wish that I could sink into the deepest places in my head, and hide from the world, within the beauty of an on going fantasy. However, reality has its bizarre beauty, which is often unexplainable. Beauty found in things such as kind gestures, and friendship. A beauty I’d miss greatly in my absence.
“Don’t let others change the meaning of your story.”
Speak to me with softness for your throat is tight. Look at me with kindness though you hate me inside. Pretend for me that this tension between us doesn’t exist. Smile with me, even if you are bitter.
For I don’t know that you are offended. I don’t see that I’ve done something wrong.
So for yourself please move along and act with glee. Your happiness is most important to yourself as well as to me.