Confidence, Caution and Publishing

Hola,

I haven’t blogged in a while because I was on vacation. I had taken advantage of being able to schedule blog posts before I left. I’m also recovering as I came down with a fever during my vacation.

So…I’m sort of battling with myself right now. I have the opportunity to have my work published in a collection, however, I’m not sure what it is I want to submit and if what I submit will be accepted. I also am uneasy about having my name on my work…as I always write using a penname. I guess I just don’t want people to judge me.

It has to be work I haven’t previously published…and I don’t know if what I have is honestly any good. I suppose I’m lacking confidence. I can only say that I’ve written two short stories that I’m actually satisfied with…and as for my poetry, I’ve been told it’s good. I find that it is sometimes very corny or very depressing though.

I’ve never really known myself to be so…insecure. I just don’t know how I feel about this. I don’t doubt that my work will be selected…it’s just that the work I choose to submit will have a reflection on me as a person, and that is what concerns me. I don’t always write about myself, especially when it comes to my poetry. More recently, yes, I have been writing more personal poems, however they are not under my real name. My nickname is R, yah, but only my family would recognize that.

Perhaps I’m over thinking this…I haven’t actually entered my work into anything since I graduated from high school. It’s been three years. I mean…I’m going to be publishing my novel soon. I’m going to have to publish my work eventually. I just feel…uneasy. I want to do it, but something is preventing me from making a move. Maybe I’m being too cautious?

–R.

Friday Mornings with Ryder. “You Wanna Date?” ft. Orion.

“Alright. Puff up that chest. Keep that head up. Good, now make sure you’ve got your shirt on frontwards…we don’t want another one of those incidents. Good. Good.”

I blankly stared at myself in the mirror. “I didn’t sleep last night.”

“Forget sleep! Who needs sleep! This isn’t about you sleeping this is about you being confident and awesome and going out there and saying, ‘Why hello there’.”

I groaned. “Dude…can’t I just like not?”

“You wanna date?”

“Yes.”

“Then don’t be such a little–.”

“OH KAY! Sheesh…no need to be so hard on me. I’m still figuring this stuff out okay?”

“Well figure this stuff out faster Ryder! You’ve only got so much time!”

I dragged my feet back to bed. “Wake me up when the sun’s actually in the sky.”

“The sun waits for no man!”

“Yah…that’s why I’m waiting for the sun.” I sighed. Then I sighed again and rolled onto my back. Then I rolled onto my stomach again and propped my chin up. “I can’t sleep.”

“Love will do that to you.”

“I’m not in love. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I snapped.

They chuckled. “Then why were you so excited for Friday?”

“Because. I have lots of exciting things to do on Friday.”

“Like what, you don’t even go out for drinks in the evening like normal people. What is wrong with you? Who sits at home and watches cartoons until bed?”

“We do that Orion. We do that.”

“Yah well…I want to do something different this weekend! Let’s get ourselves a date!”

I rolled onto my back again. “I dunno bruh.”

“It’ll be FUN!”

“It’ll be fun…it’ll be fun. Go by yourself.”

“Why are you in denial? Stop denying your true feelings!” cried Orion.

I sighed. “Because I’m not going to let myself get caught up in my emotions and have my heart torn out again. Remember last time?”

“Last time was different. This time it’s for real!” Orion shouted, shaking me. “Doesn’t it feel different?”

“Remember how I felt like throwing up yesterday?”

“Yes?”

“Stop shaking me…my stomach feels gross.”

“Oh great! Getting all gross on the weekend! How could you! You planned this! You planned this Ryder! I’ll never forgive you!”

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

“Hey Ryder, your alarms going off.”

“Hooray…” I moaned, pulling myself out of bed. “I’m going to blog now.”

“But…but YOU NEED TO PLAN FOR YOUR DATE!”

“I don’t have a date! Do you see me dating anyone!? NO! I’m going to blog like a respectable person and then I’m going to get dressed and blah, blah, blah, blah!”

Orion frowned. “Fine. Be that way…jerk.”


Enjoy your Friday folks.

I’ll be getting ready for class now…since I’ve got nothing better to do. I love my life.

Peace!

–R.

Why I Watch Kids Movies During Exam Time

Watching movies may not sound like the most productive thing you could do while you have several exams to prepare for. You’ve got to review everything you know about Tap Water before you can even think about going anywhere more than 2 seconds from your room.

Sleeping, eating, drinking, social interaction; these things that we need in order to survive no longer matter.

The only thing we care about is passing so that we can move on with our lives and never have to think about the complexity that is Tap Water again.

So why on earth would I watch movies during a time where my main focus should be on learning everything I need to know for the exam? The answer, though it may not seem like it, is very simple. Watching movies, specifically kids movies allows me to relieve stress. After being awake between 8am and 3am for almost two weeks, with one meal a day and little to no social interaction outside of the classroom, I decided while in my zombie-like state that I wanted to watch something…specifically something that would make me laugh, and so I began watching shows.

When I reacted the final of each of the shows I was watching/catching up on, I realized that the shows were themselves stressful to watch as some of the episodes would leave me near tears due to some of the subject matter.

Then I decided, “I will watch a movie I haven’t seen in years!” and started searching up all of these kids movies that I hadn’t seen since I was maybe…well whenever I last saw them. A lot of the movies that I like came out around the time I was born, which makes sense now because my mother would say that I looked like a character from one of those films when I was maybe 5 or 6?

Ever since I began watching these happily ever after, funny, annoyingly corny movies, I’ve been in good spirits about writing my exams and I also ended up forgetting how incredibly tired I was…or am. I’m still tired but I’m about to watch An American Tail 2. I’ve never seen this one, and my little sister and I used to sing that one song that Fievel and his sister Tanya sing when my sister got this doll, and it was the only doll of that kind that she owned…so we pretended her doll was waiting for her family to come to our imaginary toy land. Our stuffed monkey Zoboomafoo (r.i.p D’:), was like her caretaker and he’d carry her around the town and stuff…this is becoming a totally random slightly off topic thing. Anyways it was a great song and the movie was pretty cute. Plus I like history…so I know I’ll learn something from it. I’m Canadian so I’d rather watch A Canadian Tail but that doesn’t exist…and well, Canadian television is finally stepping up its game. I think it will be a while until we have another good film. Our documentaries are pretty great though. Yah…I seriously should just write for television so we’ll gain more popularity. I have so many scripts that my sister and I have made over the years and our friends really liked them. However I’m more of a novelist…who likes to use a pen name because I’m kind of shy and my mom recommended it even though she doesn’t know anything about writing…or really care about it all that much.

Okay my eyes are literally burning…and now they’re watering. I think I should watch my movie and go to bed right after.

I may be less active for a few days I may not…depends on how confident I am after tomorrow.

Good luck to those with exams…and just some friendly advice….don’t stay up until 3 am everyday with only one meal in your belly. It is painful…and you will end up eating very unhealthy in order to pretend you aren’t starving.

Oh and don’t tell yourself you’re fasting because like…you’re not, you’re just choosing not to eat because eating requires leaving your studies and you know that if you walk away you are not coming back until like the day before the exam okay?

My dad was right I do say like a lot.

I have a stomach ache.