This is a blog post…I think…? I don’t even know what this is but it has colours! HOORAY! Colours are the best! This title is LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG: A blog post by a 22 year old kid who hasn’t slept in a while and is sick and had to do exam and is now done school hahahahahaaaaaa…pizza.

Just finished my exam…gah. This cold is really starting to get on my nerves. I could barely think straight and unfortunately I had to be that jerk who sniffles and coughs every other minute. Yikes…I’m just glad it’s over.

That’s it for this semester. I can work on MY stuff again. No more teachers, no more books…oh right I’m pretty much a teacher now huh. Guess I can’t say that. I can barely remember how that saying goes.

There are these really awesome mugs at Chapters right now that are for teachers and I really want one, but like I’m just starting teachers college. I mean…I’m a teacher in training right? I can totally have a mug. I taught singing lessons before…and I do tutoring and stuff. I’m basically a teacher already. I think I should get a mug for my graduation present. This is a hint. You know who you are. Graduation. Mug. Chapters. The one I held up and shoved in your face and was like “YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR PARENTS TO BUY ME THIS” even though we have the same parents. I mean YOU kid. It is your duty to make sure I get that mug okay? Don’t fail me friend…or you will be demoted back to normal sibling status.

Everyone else reading can ignore that…ha…ha…ha….I haven’t slept properly in like two weeks and had to wake up early this morning for my exam even though I couldn’t sleep all night. I think I’ll have lunch and go to bed now. This post is just getting sloppy eh?

Oh no my inner Canadian has been unleashed! EHHHHHHH!

I have problems….I think this stupid cold thingy is messing with my brain or something. I’m laughing waaaaay too much. This is how I type when I’m talking to my buddies. I don’t have many friends actually. My best friends consist of my siblings and my six year old niece. I’m very popular…with elementary schoolers. I’m the teacher that draws stuff. Cats, people, cars, pizza…I’m that teacher. They think I’m lying that I’m not a famous artist. I’ve never won an art competition. My sister did. Twice. She writes comics. She’s a cool kid. She might be 10% cooler than me which is hard to admit…but I’m really nerdy and spend my time eating cereal and watching cartoons…while she watches people livestream stuff. Livestreaming is cool I guess…but people always stream when I’m in class for some reason. Least the people I care to watch. I’m totally almost a full fledged adult cause I can cook for myself…like real food…like I can make steak and potatoes and stuff….and I know how to clean stuff both properly and the cheat way that you clean when your parents are suddenly dropping by…and I do laundry good and I can like buy groceries and stuff. I’m like almost an adult. I just don’t want to be that adult like yet. Like being an adult is so much work. Like I’m not supposed to start every sentence with like. And I can start sentences with and because that’s bad grammar but you know what I have a degree thingy now that says I know how to read and write good so HA! I can start sentences with and and but and all the three letter words of disapproval that would’ve gotten me really bad marks if someone was marking them and stuff. And I can say STUFF! WOO! School is over. SCHOOL IS DONE…and…and guess what? GUESS WHAT!

I have pizza.


Um…so the author of this blog has totally lost their marbles…and will be needing a mental break for like the next 24 hours before…as in they should eat, sleep and get their sanity back for the rest of the day. This is what happens when you’re over stressed and then the stressful stuff is finally over.

–R (the still sane portion…the other half of me…my alter ego…yah they left the moment they remembered that they made pizza last night and have leftovers)

Why is everything so colourful…?

Okay. Bye.

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Train of Thought(s)

So it’s 1 am, and I’m so tired that my minds running like a get away train.

You know when you’re about to fall asleep and all those thoughts come rushing in, so you start thinking all these really deep things.

For example, last night before falling asleep I questioned why I was wearing black all week. I sure wasn’t grieving. I mean, nobody died… then I thought, “Maybe I’m just reflecting what I’m feeling on the inside? I’m feeling pretty down in the dumps…let’s face it I’m depressed.”

When you actually admit it to yourself, there’s this feeling you get. It’s not this feeling that you’re depressed, it’s this feeling like your choking from the inside. Like you wanna scream but you can’t.

I try not to admit those kind of things to myself. I’m scared of being crazy. I don’t think I’m crazy, but if I were crazy I don’t think anyone would ever talk to me. I’m lonely enough thanks. Just thinking things like that bugs me. Then again, a lot of things bug me lately. It rains too much, it’s too cold, people are too damn loud or too damn quiet. There’s not enough lighting, or it’s too bright. I’m thinking so much about everything that I can’t think at all. Its driving me up the wall. Up. The. Bloody. Wall.

You ever feel like you just wanna hit somebody? You know you won’t actually hit anyone, but you want to. You just wanna clench your fist and swing your arm real fast till smack, there she goes…and you can just stare at yourself in disbelief because you really hit that guy. Poor fella…didn’t really deserve it. You were just having a bad day.

I’ve felt like hitting someone lately and that someone is myself. Talk about beating yourself up. I literally would love to. If I could, I’d clone myself and beat myself to a pulp…I call myself an idiot in my head. I do it all the time. I’d never say it aloud. That’d be admitting to it. When words are said out loud they come true. They don’t come true when you think and un-think them. All this thinking and un-thinking…exhausting. I wish I could sleep but I can’t. I’m too tired to sleep. My minds racing. Worst part of it is, I can function on little sleep without coffee. I’ve had coffee twice in my life. It’s awful stuff. Bitter. I’ve got a sweet tooth. I’d rather drink pop or a cup of tea with three large spoons of sugar. That’s why I’ve had so many cavities in the past…it’s all this dang sugar. I can’t wait till I can go home. Don’t get me wrong, living on my own is fun and all, I can leave my room messy without my mom nagging me about it, and I don’t have anyone complaining to me about anything, but I need to get home. I feel like if I don’t get home I’ll break.

One can pretend they’re okay for so long until they just break.

I’m so tired my eyes sting. They’re watering. I’d sleep if I could…I sure would…but these dang thoughts just keep on coming. I’ve gotta get up for class at 8 am. It’s 2 now. I’m feeling hungry, light headed…feeling awful. Just awful. Why can’t I just push a button and say, “Racing thoughts let me sleep. Do not make another peep!” These thoughts make me sad…real sad. Like there’s something wrong with me. Guess there is something wrong with me. I still haven’t changed outta these dirty clothes and I’m talking to a brick wall. Yah a bloody, cold brick wall. Nothing’s getting through that thing. If I were a brick wall I’d be better off. No more of this feeling like beating myself up and curling up at night staring at the ceiling. No more being a big suck. No sir, I’d be unmovable…unless you took something and smashed me in. You’d need a wrecking ball for that. Sadly, I’m no brick wall….not emotionally anyways.

Some people must think I’m unapproachable but I just don’t approach people. There’s a difference. I like people. I like to watch them, talk to them….but I over think before I say anything. So instead of worrying myself about what I should say, I don’t say anything at all. Makes things much easier on me…being shy and all.

These are the kind of things that run through my head constantly. It’s like a runaway train. There’s no stopping it. It just keeps speeding down this track. I never know where it’ll end up…I think that’s the depressing part. Not knowing.