Then Silence

From within the shrill scream there was silence.

Silence pulled the trigger—

Bam!

Shot dead, straight into the head—

And was there in the end.

Still shrieking in darkness,

Blood bubbling but never reaching,

The thoughts ceased and the body released,

And the legs trembled,

And there were violent gasps for breath.

“Air! I need air!”

In a whirl of emotion,

Where there is no place to grasp.

No safety.

Only screaming,

Then silence.


O. Ryder.

Nov. 27th, 2016.

The Fall

the-fall

The Fall, O. Ryder. Sept 26th, 2016.

The Fall

By O. Ryder

I realized that I didn’t own a hairdryer when my sister’s wet towel brushed against my skin last night. It was cold. It soothed the pain in my bear arms but I moved it away, onto her lap. Whenever someone wore a towel on their head I imagined the Virgin Mary.

“It’s cold.”

She looked at me, big eyes glaring. “I just washed my hair.” Always glaring.

In that moment I felt stupid. Glaring eyes often made me feel as though I’d done something stupid.

Always glaring. Always stupid.

I felt uneasy as she pressed her back into my pillow. The olive green towel reminded me of my sweater: how it hung on her and how her gold strands clung to it as she rested against me.

I wasn’t attracted to blondes, I told myself. She was pretty but plain. I liked dark hair. I liked dark hair and warm eyes. No glaring. Never glaring.

My sister elbowed me. Woke me from my trance. Told me Dad wanted to talk.

My eyes left the green and my hands found the phone. I wondered why I had been in such a daze. Wet hair was soft, I thought. I haven’t worn that sweater in a long time.

I talked. He talked. He hung up.

Whenever we spoke lately he felt as though he was keeping me away from something. I just had trouble finding things to talk about. I wanted to hear warmth in his voice.

Everything died in the Fall. The plants, the insects, Granddad. Even some of the Angels died in the Fall.

Love blossomed in the Fall, but made me feel dead.

I was not fond of the weather. It was deceiving. Deceiving Canadian Fall.

The weather was as schizophrenic as our identity. Some said they felt it was bipolar…perhaps…perhaps.

Always glaring. Always falling. Always stupid. Always dead.

I wondered how anyone could rest their head in such a messy room. It smelt of burnt popcorn, wet towels and cologne.

And those golden strands had smelt like summer.

She was the Summer. I the Fall.

For once I had fallen, she had fled. As the warmth does when death comes.

She was Life. I Death.

Despite wishing, I represented the end.

“I love this sweater.” she said.

I said nothing.

She wrapped her fingers in mine. It felt uncomfortable.

“Wanna cuddle?”

I remembered the wet green towel. My sister was asking for the phone back. I placed it in her hand. I watched the television. You could get lost in the television. No thoughts. Always glaring. Always stupid. Always wishing.

June 7th, 2016

I really hate that the majority of my posts lately are regarding my absence over the last month. There’s just been a lot going on right now with my family, and I’m also working so I’ve been feeling drained during my days off.

My uncle passed away on Sunday night, and has been in the hospital for some time. Other members of my family have also been having some issues with their health and the stress has been a lot on all of us. So…that’s why I’ve been away. It’s going to be a little bumpy for a while…but things will turn around eventually.

I thought that it would be better if I shared this rather than just apologize again and again for not posting very often. I will get back to blogging when I’m up to it but as of now I’m just doing by best to be the optimistic one in the family…and just keep everyone together. I know it isn’t necessarily my job but whenever things get rough, I just tend to suck it up and do my best to make life easier on those around me.

I hope that all is going well for you, and I will update soon hopefully in a better mood and with my usual high energy self.

Until next time,

— R.

Writing Update

The other day I added some more to my novel and also decided to just go through and read some chapters. I started somewhere around the middle and was sucked into the story. To me this is a good sign. It means that I’ve done my job. The next test would be to have someone else read it but that won’t happen until I’ve typed it up. I write everything by hand first. I find that I can truly get involved with my work when my pencil and I do our usual dance.

I’ve decided that my goal this year is to work on my novel once a week. I don’t want to fall back into the bad habit of only writing when I’m in the mood. Especially since last year I was never in a “writing mood”…which is something that has never happened before. Although I do know the cause of it and I won’t allow it to happen again. Now I’m going to discipline myself in order to keep my characters hearts beating. I know that if I don’t finish their story, they’ll die. If my characters are to die, it will be by my pen and not by being left to rot in the unfilled pages of my binder.

— R

 

 

 

I think I miss my family now…

Ugh…I never should’ve watched these clips from kids movies.

Oh well. Gonna see everyone for my mom’s 50th. I’d better get some sleep. I’ll finish my random video watching…colouring…thing later.

I was colouring some pictures I drew of character’s I forgot I made. I didn’t realize that I’d started a really good novel a few years back. I’m shocked at how well it was written. It’s a huge step up from my first few novels. I wish my sister didn’t talk me out of writing that one. She said the introduction was too dark.

She doesn’t like it whenever people die in my stories and I describe their like…deadness.

I should seriously share more drawing on here. I should also sleep now because…I don’t want my professor calling me out because I’m asleep in his class. I was late for the first one because I went to the wrong class and then I lost my keys and…it was a really bad day. So this week I’m going to show up on time and I’ll be all smart and actually try to contribute. I guess being in a class with upper years is a little intimidating at times. Wow…I’m really tired.

Who wants to clean the pencil crayons off my bed for me? I’ll give you peach flavoured juice….and a twizzler.

Alright…I’ll stop being lazy.

— R.

I had to fight the tears…

I recommend not watching this before you have to go out somewhere. I somehow managed to choke back my tears. I didn’t think I would make it to the end of that video but I did. I honestly want to cry my eyes out. That’s such a beautiful tribute to his late wife.

Bless this family.

I just had to share this.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/abagg/this-guy-recreated-photos-of-his-late-wife-with-his-young-da?bffbvid&utm_term=4ldqpj5#.xlMz0y02W

Cold Silence

It’s raining and cold today.

The weekend was so warm and full of life.

Everyone was out and about

And I was starting to think,

“The warmth’s gonna stay awhile.”

But just like you

life left

and warmth left

and we were left

in silence…

Tiny Angel

Today, I got the news that my cousins daughter passed away…this was his first child. I didn’t even get to find out her name, because a few days ago I just found out that she was born. The little girl was born premature at the beginning of August. This will be the second death in our family since Summer Vacation started. I didn’t know how to react to the news, so I just sat there silently, but later when I returned to my room, I started to write. I felt the need to share this with someone. Well…I wrote this for the baby:

Tiny Angel

Tiny angel wrapped in a blanket.

No more will her eyes shine.

Tiny baby covered in white roses,

To be laid into the ground.

And we’ll all cry around this sweet angel,

As they lay her down.

I’m sure that she’s smiling down from heaven.

Waiting for us to come.

Though she wishes you could be there with her,

She still has company.

Tiny angel being cradled by Jesus.

As they lay her down.

He says, “You were their first tiny angel,

And they’ll always love you.”

Tiny angel wrapped in a blanket.

No more will her eyes shine…

 

I’m so sorry…

 

Orion.