She Strikes Again

I knew that approximately thirty minutes after I settled into bed, she’d barge into my room whimpering. After a while, you just know these things.

She never wants to sleep all by herself. Even if you give her every known nightlight in the house, a mountain of stuffed animals and the world’s most comfortable pillows she’ll still insist. She could be out like a light, sleeping through the shouting fans, the blaring television and the gentle hum of the dryer. Still, she would wait until you’re settled into bed, just beginning to shut your eyes and then she would run to your room, begging for you to stay with her until she falls asleep.

Eventually one just gives in to the demands of the ever persistent four year old.

Hopefully I can actually get a decent amount of sleep tonight. We’ll see.

Goodnight/morning again,

— R and Princess Curly Top.

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I’m Ready to Wake Up Now

“It would be great to wake up in the perfect life…to wake, and be cherished and adored by everyone,” she whispered to him. “It would be as though I’d just had a bad dream, and when I woke, I’d be waking up to greet myself. It would be like a rebirth…only a rebirth into perfection and never ending happiness.”

He stared at her for a long time as she spoke, watching the corners of her lips twitch as she tried to force the smile on her face to stay in place. Then he noticed something slithering down her cheek, leaving a steam of glitter on her face. He met her glossed eyes. She was smiling at him.

“I’m ready to wake up now.”


 

February 24th, 2016.

O. Ryder.

Mouse Song

I want to sing you a song

To make your pain go away

But my lips are dry

And my throat is tight.

I want to hold you up

I want to keep you safe

But my arms are weak.

Little mouse so meek.

Wish I knew what to do

I wish I knew what to say

But when I try something

It feels like nothing.

Don’t want my heart to break

Don’t want to make a mistake

Before you go away.

Please, don’t go away.

Stay another day.

Stay another day.


For Nana and Granddad.

You’ve always filled my world with wonder.

Please give me the chance to return the favour.

Love, R.

I woke up at 2 am…

So because I’d been up really late all week I ended up going to bed around 8pm yesterday. I had this really intense, slightly sad little dream and woke up. Now I have an idea for a short story! Hooray!

It was sad though…and I’m not sure how two characters one from a show I watched when I was 7 and one from a show I just started watching, could at all be best friends? That’s bizarre.

It was so sad….

BUT I HAVE SOMETHING TO BRING TO CLASS TOMORROW.

I don’t have to be that awkward kid who’s like, “Hi…um…yah so…I couldn’t think of anything so I’m like…kind of…just hanging out…with my notebooks. Just trying to pick and sort through to see if I got something I can turn into a short story.”

THANK YOU RANDOM DREAM!…but why so sad? Why?

Like…I shouldn’t eat sugar before going to sleep. I also shouldn’t have chugged juice when I woke up because my stomach hurts now.

YES! YES! YES! I have something! I’m so happy!

Well…I guess I’ll try to get back to bed around 5 or 6.

Writing Tip: Drawing and Writing

I’m apologizing once again for not blogging as often. I haven’t been doing much other than work.

Novel wise, I decided to do some character sketches. Which I highly suggest. It helps you visualize your characters look and personality. Like they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. Pictures are capable of telling stories within themselves. It came help you form a characters background and it gives them more depth. The reason I suggest drawing them rather than searching up say…brown haired girl on Google, is because using an actual image from the internet takes away from your own creativity. What you visualize your character looking like won’t be found on Google (that is unless you chose a specific model and based your novel around them). It is better to draw your character. You don’t need to be artistic. What you might see and what someone else sees on that paper is going to be different. If we were not taught in school to over analyze the world of art and weren’t told that only ONE way of seeing things was the RIGHT way, then each and every person that saw your image would see something different.

It is just like when you finish watching a film or reading a book. You might have enjoyed it very much, but another person might not have gotten that same effect.

By drawing your characters you can remain in control. You won’t try to fit them into someone else’s image. They’ll remain apart of your world. You also wont feel the need to over describe them.

Orion Dreams: Attack on Titan…

Have you ever heard of Attack on Titan?

I watched the show once last year with a friend, and had a dream last night that I was that guy Eren as a kid. In this dream, I was packing things to take from our house for my mother and sister, before the titans broke through the walls. Then I laid down on the couch in my house (where I live when I’m not at school) and shut my eyes, holding my old teddy bear that I’ve had since I was a baby.

When I woke up and saw a blue wall instead of a green one, and my heart started racing. I was lying as though I was holding my bear and I started feeling around for it. Then I realized it wasn’t there and began panicking even more, kind of like how I used to as a kid when I took it everywhere with me. Finally when I realized my bed sheets were the wrong colour, I sat up and looked around. That was when I came to the realization, “Oh yah…I’m not at home….titans aren’t real.”

It was scary…

Train of Thought(s)

So it’s 1 am, and I’m so tired that my minds running like a get away train.

You know when you’re about to fall asleep and all those thoughts come rushing in, so you start thinking all these really deep things.

For example, last night before falling asleep I questioned why I was wearing black all week. I sure wasn’t grieving. I mean, nobody died… then I thought, “Maybe I’m just reflecting what I’m feeling on the inside? I’m feeling pretty down in the dumps…let’s face it I’m depressed.”

When you actually admit it to yourself, there’s this feeling you get. It’s not this feeling that you’re depressed, it’s this feeling like your choking from the inside. Like you wanna scream but you can’t.

I try not to admit those kind of things to myself. I’m scared of being crazy. I don’t think I’m crazy, but if I were crazy I don’t think anyone would ever talk to me. I’m lonely enough thanks. Just thinking things like that bugs me. Then again, a lot of things bug me lately. It rains too much, it’s too cold, people are too damn loud or too damn quiet. There’s not enough lighting, or it’s too bright. I’m thinking so much about everything that I can’t think at all. Its driving me up the wall. Up. The. Bloody. Wall.

You ever feel like you just wanna hit somebody? You know you won’t actually hit anyone, but you want to. You just wanna clench your fist and swing your arm real fast till smack, there she goes…and you can just stare at yourself in disbelief because you really hit that guy. Poor fella…didn’t really deserve it. You were just having a bad day.

I’ve felt like hitting someone lately and that someone is myself. Talk about beating yourself up. I literally would love to. If I could, I’d clone myself and beat myself to a pulp…I call myself an idiot in my head. I do it all the time. I’d never say it aloud. That’d be admitting to it. When words are said out loud they come true. They don’t come true when you think and un-think them. All this thinking and un-thinking…exhausting. I wish I could sleep but I can’t. I’m too tired to sleep. My minds racing. Worst part of it is, I can function on little sleep without coffee. I’ve had coffee twice in my life. It’s awful stuff. Bitter. I’ve got a sweet tooth. I’d rather drink pop or a cup of tea with three large spoons of sugar. That’s why I’ve had so many cavities in the past…it’s all this dang sugar. I can’t wait till I can go home. Don’t get me wrong, living on my own is fun and all, I can leave my room messy without my mom nagging me about it, and I don’t have anyone complaining to me about anything, but I need to get home. I feel like if I don’t get home I’ll break.

One can pretend they’re okay for so long until they just break.

I’m so tired my eyes sting. They’re watering. I’d sleep if I could…I sure would…but these dang thoughts just keep on coming. I’ve gotta get up for class at 8 am. It’s 2 now. I’m feeling hungry, light headed…feeling awful. Just awful. Why can’t I just push a button and say, “Racing thoughts let me sleep. Do not make another peep!” These thoughts make me sad…real sad. Like there’s something wrong with me. Guess there is something wrong with me. I still haven’t changed outta these dirty clothes and I’m talking to a brick wall. Yah a bloody, cold brick wall. Nothing’s getting through that thing. If I were a brick wall I’d be better off. No more of this feeling like beating myself up and curling up at night staring at the ceiling. No more being a big suck. No sir, I’d be unmovable…unless you took something and smashed me in. You’d need a wrecking ball for that. Sadly, I’m no brick wall….not emotionally anyways.

Some people must think I’m unapproachable but I just don’t approach people. There’s a difference. I like people. I like to watch them, talk to them….but I over think before I say anything. So instead of worrying myself about what I should say, I don’t say anything at all. Makes things much easier on me…being shy and all.

These are the kind of things that run through my head constantly. It’s like a runaway train. There’s no stopping it. It just keeps speeding down this track. I never know where it’ll end up…I think that’s the depressing part. Not knowing.