Selling Your Soul to Pay off Student Loans

Student’s find money stressful. Why? Well, books cost arm and a leg and applications cost you an organ or two and then paying back all of those loans…you’ll have to sell your soul.

It’s sad honestly how many nights I lie awake thinking about money. How much do I have for food? Do I have enough for rent? What happened to that money my uncle sent me for my birthday?

I was brought up knowing how to manage my money to some extent. For starters, I know that I am better off being sure that I have enough money to cover my rent for three to four months versus worrying about money for food. Food is important yes, but it’s less expensive than rent and if necessary I can live off of mac n’ cheese and toast.

Even though I try my best to budget and move numbers around I constantly feel uneasy about how much money I have. I try to make sure I have actual cash on hand in case of an emergency and also because I think it’s stupid to use debit for a purchase under $10, however despite taking these precautions it only seems to add to this weird…financial anxiety.

I’m not a big spender…unless you count books, but recently I’ve been reading comic books on Line Webtoon, so I’m not tempted to go out and buy a new book every chance I get. I also make sure to use my student discount every chance I get, and collect points at certain stores that I shop at frequently…like Chapters and Curry’s. It isn’t like I’m spending money every chance I get. The money I got for Christmas I used to pay for school and part of my rent…I still have bills to pay this week so that’ll be…just…yah.

I don’t know. If I could get a part-time job right now I would but my schedules packed…so I’m looking for paid surveys and things that I can do when I have an hour to myself or when I can’t fall asleep at night. I know that they increased minimum wage and all, but honestly…it isn’t going to make much of a difference. I worked two jobs over the summer, and I only made enough money to cover a few months of rent, and books. I have friends who work multiple jobs year round and I don’t know how they manage. I get worn out from placements, shows, meetings, classes and assignments. I can’t imagine doing all of that while working two jobs. They sad thing about my summer jobs is my one job caused a lot of unnecessary stress and my parents told me to quit, however I stayed because I knew I couldn’t afford to quit. That job was only part time on weekends. My other job was full-time during the week. I loved my full time job. I’d do it again in a heart beat. It’s closely related to what I’m going to school for anyways and I felt fulfilled doing it. Not to mention that people actually cared about my well-being and wanted to hire me as a private tutor for their kids. I’d be rich if I lived in town. I had to carpool with my Dad two hours every morning to work so…that’s the downside to the job.

I don’t know…I just wish things weren’t so expensive and I could live my life without having to freak out every time I spend a dime. I obviously can’t afford to buy a car any time soon. I don’t know when I’ll be able to afford one.

When my uncle was in university he could work all summer and have enough money to last him both semesters. I don’t understand why that had to change.

What I’d really like, is if school was free. I’m sure if it was they’d just charge us more for the textbooks though. They’ll get you one way or another.

Welp…this was my little rant about money. I’m hungry…so I’m going to try to think of what to eat.

Till next time,

–R.

Advertisements

Working and working…and working

The break is officially over, and I’m back to work. Even though I worked during the break, I was spending my time doing the things I loved. Now, I do love certain aspects of the courses I’m taking, I’m just at a point where I feel as though I should be done. I know that’s not the case. I know that I need to do my best work, and push on through this semester and the next. My marks matter. This isn’t the time to be goofing around. Still, I do at times feel too relaxed. Perhaps it isn’t that I’m relaxed, but I’ve finally gotten the hang of things.

I’m already making plans for the end of the year. I see everything lining up. All of the hard work I’ve done is paying off.

My cousin recommended that I do all of my travelling and such now while I’m single, and not tied down to a fulltime job. There are a few places I’d like to go. It’d be cool to spend a month here or there. There’s so much to do and see. I doubt I’ll actually spend a month somewhere, but if I really enjoy my time there I might go back.

I really want to stay home today and sleep. Don’t worry I didn’t spend my weekend partying. I’ve been fighting off a stupid cold for about two weeks. I have a headache…again. One day I’m great and then next I just want to crawl under my covers and sleep for 12 hours. I hate when I sleep through the entire afternoon. I’m not going to let myself do that as often anymore. I finally fixed my sleep schedule. Class isn’t that long…I just…it’s cold outside and I don’t have a proper coat to wear at this time. That’s probably why I haven’t been feeling so great. Also…I’d just rather work on my novel. I know that sounds pretty bad but I have so many things I’m doing here at home that I don’t feel the need to go anywhere else. Except I do need to go pick up a book I ordered. I leave my house when it’s cold and travel across the city for books. Other things…nah.

I think I’m going to do some reading before I head to class. Maybe I’ll feel more awake when I’m finished.

What am I going to eat for lunch…?

noway

Yugi-Oh

its-not-u-its-me

 

“It’s okay friend. You have pizza pockets.”

Thank God…but I don’t think I have time to go home in between my classes.

“Then you will starve. This is why we don’t eat apples for breakfast.”

…You suck.

“Ha…what you say is what you are.”

Grr…

What just happened to my blog post?

–R.

Power Outage

So the power was out for a couple of hours. Thought it’d be out all night. My plans to order in a pizza failed since it seems like all the pizza places have closed down for the night. Bummer. Guess I’m cooking…I think I may have a flu bug. I was starting to feel better yesterday, and then today…yuck.

I still have a bit of homework to finish…cutting and pasting and what not. Plus the written portion. Yep. A bit of work but I estimate that it won’t take me any longer than 30 minutes. I’ll be glad when I’m finally finished though. All I want to do right now is wrap myself up in my blankets with a warm drink, and read till I fall asleep. I don’t even know how I have energy right now…I feel awful. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I should’ve just listened to my Dad and went to the clinic. This is why we listen to our parents kids. They know what’s, what.

…This is also why we don’t leave our assignments until the night before. I’m really having a rough time here. I hope this week goes well. Things just seem seriously out of whack lately.

–R.

Updates

It’s been awhile since my last post. I just finished my first week at my new job. I’m enjoying it so far. I’m doing what I’m going to school for, so it’s perfect for me.

I’ve made a lot of friends at work already.

Book wise, the children’s book is coming along very well. I’m hoping to reach the deadline. As for my novel the editing process is still going as smoothly as it possibly can, now that I’m working fulltime. I actually have two jobs…so trying to balance my week job, my weekend job and my non-work related life is going to be a bit of a challenge. I’m not used to waking up at 6 am for work everyday. Right now I’m pretty tired. I know that by next week my body will have adjusted to the new schedule.

On top of all the work I’m doing I’m trying to tone my muscles up. I’ve managed to take off all that stress weight I gained during that train wreck of a year I had back in 2016. I’m feeling energized again and my confidence is finally coming back. I feel mentally and physically stronger. I’ve been trying to build on my upper body strength as well. I’m lacking in that department. I’ve never really been into any sports that require a tone of upper body strength, so I suppose I never really thought that I needed to work those areas. Now I’m doing my best to try to get some exercise in at least once a day, no matter how tired I am. Even if the exercise is simplistic, I want to keep moving so that I can be at my very best. When I physically feel good, all of my creative work is reflective of that.

Anyway, although it is late, I need to get something into my belly. I didn’t have dinner earlier…wasn’t hungry. I really need to stop doing that.

Till next time,

–R.

Buds, Music and 2 am Pizza

Saturday night was awesome. Although we didn’t have as many people turn up to the event as planned, the music was great and everyone had a fun time.

I know that I will definitely be checking out some of the bands after last night. There was a good variety of music. Punk, Alt’, Indie, Country. A little something for everyone, which was great. I’ve got to say checking people’s I.D. was a fun, but very cold. Glad I wasn’t the actual bouncer though. There were some characters who has a little too much to drink…and had to leave.

It was great how the bands got the audience dancing and jumping around.

After it all, my sister and I were really hungry so we order pizza around 1:30 before they closed. I made sure to apologize and tip the guy, cause I’ve worked in the food industry. I understand. I still feel pretty bad…but we were hungry and well…pizza and wings were calling my name.

Now, I have to turn my attention to the many assignments I have due…oh this is gonna be a fun week.

Till next time,

R.

Editing Update

I managed to get in a little editing the other night. Was up past midnight typing. It was fun. I wish I’d done some more today, but instead I decided to be lazy and lay about. I did do some reading, but it wasn’t exactly productive, as it wasn’t for school. At least I enjoyed myself. I cooked up a steak for dinner tonight. Had a nice salad with it. I’m trying to eat better. More preparing meals at home, and less ordering pizza. Hopefully I’ll hit the gym more often as well. I think my laziness is linked to some other things…and not being as active as I used to be is probably contributing to it.

Well, the editing is really coming along. I’m pleased with it so far, though I wish I would do larger chunks of it…increase my one or two chapters a day to four or five. I type and read quite fast, so if I really wanted I could finish transferring it all in a couple of days. Thing is I’ve been feeling a big sluggish so I’m taking my precious time. I don’t know, maybe this is just a temporary thing? I feel a bit lazy now but I’ll be energetic and ready to work in a couple of days.

Anyway, I’m going to start settling down for the night. Seems, my sleep schedule is slightly back on track. No more staying up till three in the morning. I’ll try to get some more editing in tomorrow evening. I’ve got to get strict with myself again before more school assignments pop up.

Till next time,

–R.

The Fall

the-fall

The Fall, O. Ryder. Sept 26th, 2016.

The Fall

By O. Ryder

I realized that I didn’t own a hairdryer when my sister’s wet towel brushed against my skin last night. It was cold. It soothed the pain in my bear arms but I moved it away, onto her lap. Whenever someone wore a towel on their head I imagined the Virgin Mary.

“It’s cold.”

She looked at me, big eyes glaring. “I just washed my hair.” Always glaring.

In that moment I felt stupid. Glaring eyes often made me feel as though I’d done something stupid.

Always glaring. Always stupid.

I felt uneasy as she pressed her back into my pillow. The olive green towel reminded me of my sweater: how it hung on her and how her gold strands clung to it as she rested against me.

I wasn’t attracted to blondes, I told myself. She was pretty but plain. I liked dark hair. I liked dark hair and warm eyes. No glaring. Never glaring.

My sister elbowed me. Woke me from my trance. Told me Dad wanted to talk.

My eyes left the green and my hands found the phone. I wondered why I had been in such a daze. Wet hair was soft, I thought. I haven’t worn that sweater in a long time.

I talked. He talked. He hung up.

Whenever we spoke lately he felt as though he was keeping me away from something. I just had trouble finding things to talk about. I wanted to hear warmth in his voice.

Everything died in the Fall. The plants, the insects, Granddad. Even some of the Angels died in the Fall.

Love blossomed in the Fall, but made me feel dead.

I was not fond of the weather. It was deceiving. Deceiving Canadian Fall.

The weather was as schizophrenic as our identity. Some said they felt it was bipolar…perhaps…perhaps.

Always glaring. Always falling. Always stupid. Always dead.

I wondered how anyone could rest their head in such a messy room. It smelt of burnt popcorn, wet towels and cologne.

And those golden strands had smelt like summer.

She was the Summer. I the Fall.

For once I had fallen, she had fled. As the warmth does when death comes.

She was Life. I Death.

Despite wishing, I represented the end.

“I love this sweater.” she said.

I said nothing.

She wrapped her fingers in mine. It felt uncomfortable.

“Wanna cuddle?”

I remembered the wet green towel. My sister was asking for the phone back. I placed it in her hand. I watched the television. You could get lost in the television. No thoughts. Always glaring. Always stupid. Always wishing.

Letters to Myself

I just started watching a new show called Orange. It’s under the 2016 Summer Anime list, if anyone is wonder. It got me thinking about this project I did back when I was 16, where we had to write a letter addressed to our past selves. I can remember giving my 13 year old self a huge lecture on how I should have been more out going and less occupied with what others thought about me. At 16, I thought that I knew everything. My parents still say that I think I know everything, and that I enjoy correcting people (mostly my mother). My mom thinks I’m egotistical due to the fact that I’m a musician. I couldn’t deny it because there are days when I spend hours just looking at myself…and I do take a lot of selfies (I don’t share them anywhere).

To be honest I think what happened was, after being a moody 13 year old with a low self-esteem, I went to high school and decided I no longer cared if I wasn’t with the in-crowd. As you can see, I’m no longer ashamed to admit that I watch anime. One of my closest childhood friends from when I was 3 or 4 was from Japan, and so they used to buy me animes on VHS. No I don’t call myself an otaku. Yes I also read manga, but I enjoy comics in general (Archie anyone? Gotta love Jughead). So basically, to get back on topic, I realized that just because my hobbies have always consisted of writing, watching anime and music didn’t mean that I had to hide it from people. I figured, if people liked me for who I was then that was great. It was stupid trying to lie about what shows I watched and what sports I liked when I wasn’t really into any of that. While all my friends played football (American), I was more interested in pretending I was a Jedi knight…or petting the stray cat that liked to visit us at recess.

So I suppose my 16 year old self had a reason to be so harsh towards my 13 year old self. The thing is, looking back now, being 13 and 16 was equally stressful and I went through experiences that…well at the time made me feel like the sky was falling. Now that I’m considered an adult (who drinks mountain dew instead of beer and uses a starwars cup while using the worlds best Spiderman bookmark), I think I can say that I’ve realized that each part of my life is a new challenge. It seems hard at the time but once I get over it, it feels like it was a breeze.

From my first time being extremely jealous to my first date. My first experience with death to my first time holding a new baby. From bad grades to bulking down. From writing an entire novel without chapters or page numbers to becoming more organized and actually planning things out. The big and the small, all molded me into the somewhat adult I am today…although all the 16 year olds I work with think I’m the same age.

So, I’m not sure what I would say to myself at ages 13 or 16…or even to myself ten years from now when I’m 30. Wow…I’ll be 30 some day. Hopefully I have my life in order by then. To be honest I feel like I got myself where I need to be now. I try not to lie awake at night regretting the decisions I’ve made in the past. I try not to ponder the future too much either these days. Kind of makes me feel a little down…knowing that certain people won’t be with me anymore. All I can do is keep going forward. If YOLO taught me anything in high school it was that I should spend more time laughing and less time fighting. I should make time for friends and family. I should go into a career that I know I will love and will give me the most fulfilment. I shouldn’t jump the gun on decisions, and I shouldn’t put them off too long either. I shouldn’t think too much, and I should know when to take the time to think. I should step outside of my comfort zone, and I shouldn’t be afraid to stand my ground. If this were a letter to my past self or the person I’ll be when I’m 30…I’d probably say “You’re doing great. Just remember right now is a challenge but once you get over this hill, you’ll find the next will be a little easier to climb.”

— R