Exercise and Meal Planning

Since moving into my apartment, I’ve been trying to plan my meals ahead of time. In September I made a menu where I wrote out different dinner ideas for the week. I chose to do meals that could easily be alternated with one another because I know that there are days when I just don’t feel like eating certain things. I’ve only been doing this with my dinners so far because honestly I tend to do whatever during lunch. Usually I just make a sandwich or something simple.

So far I’ve made chicken stir fry, homemade pizzas, roast, turkey…just things like that. Unfortunately beef has been really expensive recently…and I’m on a tight budget. Today I’m going to have hamburgers. They’re kind of my back up foods…stuff that I can cook right away or heat up are for my busier days. That way when I get home after a long day I’m not tempted to order in.

Since Canadian Thanksgiving is this weekend I didn’t bother picking up a ton of groceries. If I’m lucky there will be some leftovers for me to take back on Sunday. Before I go back to school my parents usually prepare a bunch of chilli, curried chicken and stuff like that and then I freeze it. It usually lasts me a little more than a semester. Unfortunately they forgot…and I forgot. So I don’t get to eat any of my Mom’s awesome chilli or curry until I go home for reading break. It’s a bummer. It picks up my spirits whenever I eat a nice home cooked meal prepared by my folks. My Dad’s the best cook though. He used to run a restaurant when I was really young but had to give it up cause he was working there, the hospital, going to night school and had three kids, two of which were between ages 0-2. I don’t know how he managed to do all of that. He’s a hardworking guy. I’m honestly really proud of him and my mom. They go way out of their way to help me out sometimes. I’d be lost without them. Sometimes when I’m cooking and I forget how to prepare something or I’m having oven anxiety…it’s a long story…then I call them up and annoy them. I feel like I’m probably the neediest kid. My siblings call me a suck up. It’s true, I’ll admit it. I kiss butt big time, but everything I say is genuine. I just feel like a good way to show people you care about them and appreciate them is by complimenting them and saying thank you. Everyone wants to hear something nice once in a while. Or at least I do….

Anyway, my original goal when creating this menu was to try to improve my diet and stop eating out as much. So far it is working. Yes, I have ordered the odd pizza here and there but not every single week. Now I just need to implement the exercise half.

See, over the summer I tried to work out three to five times a week, even if I could only do like 10-30 minutes. I managed to gain a lot of upper body strength, and was able to take off some weight. I was also taking lunches into work. I want to be in good shape again. My last three years of university I was stressed out over several different things, and last year…was a mess. I want my final year of my undergraduate to go smoothly, and I feel like the best way to get myself started is by getting my body back into shape. Whenever I talk about exercising with my friends they give me weird looks. I’m a normal weight for my height and age so they just assume because I look a certain way that I don’t need to work out. For me it isn’t just about losing weight. It’s about being strong and healthy both physically and mentally. Back when I was playing soccer my head was clear, I was fit and strong and felt like I could do anything. I was never afraid I might, “hurt” myself when climbing trees or goofing off with my buds (you can laugh at the Canadian now). In April I never would’ve attempted to lift heavy stones or carry anything that looked like it could crush me. Since I’ve been doing my own little training, strengthening my arms and what not, I just pick stuff up. It doesn’t even bother me. I’m not longer afraid to give piggy backs to the kids I work with because I’m afraid I’ll drop them after a minute. I was back to having piggy back races, lugging around sleepy kindergarteners after recess and helping my Dad lay down stone in the yard. I’m feeling stronger and stronger every day. I want to continue to grow stronger, in every area of my life.

Anyway, I’m going to go start making my hamburgers. I think I’m going to cook an extra one because then I’ll have something for tomorrow or Wednesday’s lunch. I’m pretty hungry. I skipped out on lunch today because I…I just had a rough start today. Cut my entire leg up…went to the wrong location for my lab…found a dead bird…. Then my sister’s friend got me Starbucks. That was awesome of her. She barely even knows me. So now my days getting a little less…bleh and more woo! I describe…things weird sometimes. I promise, I don’t write “The sky was bleh but she felt woo!” in my novels. If I did that make for a pretty interesting read.

Well, until next time,

–R.

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Glass

What do we do, when the ones we care about are broken?

Do we punish the ones who have hurt them? Make them pay for their crimes. Show them what broken really looks like.

Do we try to fix them or do we leave them shattered like broken glass. Millions of a whole sparkling in the dirt.

It is hard to love a broken thing. When things break we replace them…it’s easier than taking the time to mend them. Easier to forget about what is broken. Who is broken. No one wants to be reminded of the things that are broken…the people they have broken.

I saw her broken. She laid there, like glass. Silent…though silence was never something she longed for. I couldn’t touch her. She was sharp. Her shards laid at my feet. I didn’t break her, but I cannot fix her. I don’t know how. I want to. I want what once was. This bond between us, shatter by those who hurt her. Beat her down into the dirt. Shoved their words into her like daggers. Tore apart what was left of her. Somehow she rose. A million pieces. She rose up, still shattered and she glistened in the sun. I couldn’t fix her. I don’t know if she even wanted to be fixed. Perhaps she likes being broken? Perhaps the glass makes her enemies tremble with fear. She is strong, even though she is shattered. Her strength is the greatest sword ever built.


For my dearest and oldest friend.

Stay strong.

–R.

Moving Day

Well I finished packing sometime around 3am…and woke up at 6. I couldn’t seem to sleep. I’m full of all this energy right now. I’m just waiting for 10 o’clock to hit so that I can start moving into my new apartment.

My roommates parents just had the luxury of seeing me in my pajamas. Messy hair, baggy sweat pants and all. I didn’t know they were here. When I heard someone come in this morning I assumed it was my roommate by themselves. Ha…oh well. Isn’t the first time I’ve stumbled upon guests while still in my pajamas. Although wearing one of my Dad’s company shirts is a little awkward. I mean I did some temp work there before…but I don’t have any intention of working in the medical field.

My bedroom walls are bare. No colour in sight. I had drawings and posters all over the place, and now it’s just blank grey space. Oh well, it can be someone else’s canvas now. I’ve always wanted to paint and draw all over a wall in my house. Perhaps when I have my own place and won’t have to pay damages because I drew a random dinosaur on the wall.

I’m sooo hungry right now. I mean, lately I’ve been only having one meal a day. Yesterday I managed to get two meals in. Lucky me. I decided to go for one last poutine before heading home for the summer. Definitely a wise decision. Unfortunately all I have left to eat is apple sauce…but I packed away all my spoons. All I have is this cup of water…and an entire bag of candy. Sadly, my stomach can’t handle eating candy first thing in the morning.

I’m praying it doesn’t rain while we’re moving all this stuff, and loading up the car. I wanted to try to organize what was going home and what was staying here but I decided not to crowd the hallway with all of my stuff.

I honestly cannot wait to go home. All I want to do is sit down and write. I don’t know what day I’m gonna head back to work…I mean, technically I don’t want to go back but I need the money. Somehow I ended up blowing $100 the other day. Yah…apparently splitting the bill when I’m with my younger sister means that she pays $30 and I pay $100. Bye, bye birthday money. Least I still have $275 for my trip. Depending on how many shifts I get at work, I can probably earn that money back pretty quickly.

Seriously though…if they pull any of the stunts they have in the past I’m going to resign. I’m not putting up with the nonsense anymore. I can only bite my tongue for so long. I don’t want any unnecessary stress. I need this time off from school to finally come to terms with a lot of the stuff that’s happened over the past year. There’s a lot of stuff that I didn’t have time to properly deal with, that I need to take care of.

Well, it’s finally 9 am, so I think I’ll start getting dressed. I want to get my keys as soon as possible so that I can start moving the smaller stuff before my folks come to help. I don’t think they need to help me carry pillows and dishes around. Man…it’d be nice to have a car though. That’d make life easier. Who knows maybe I’ll end up with one by the end of the summer. I highly doubt it…with my bank account….maybe once I make some serious money.

Kind of sad that at my age most people don’t have cars, but by the time my Dad was my age, he had gone through 3.

I really wish I was editing right now but I don’t have time. I knew if I rummaged through my backpack and pulled out my rough draft that I’d be going at it, and the morning would zip by. I didn’t want to end up sitting on my mattress trying to type up three or four chapters and then have my Dad banging on the front door wondering where the heck I am.

Well…I guess I’ll start getting ready.

Till next time,

–R.

Buds, Music and 2 am Pizza

Saturday night was awesome. Although we didn’t have as many people turn up to the event as planned, the music was great and everyone had a fun time.

I know that I will definitely be checking out some of the bands after last night. There was a good variety of music. Punk, Alt’, Indie, Country. A little something for everyone, which was great. I’ve got to say checking people’s I.D. was a fun, but very cold. Glad I wasn’t the actual bouncer though. There were some characters who has a little too much to drink…and had to leave.

It was great how the bands got the audience dancing and jumping around.

After it all, my sister and I were really hungry so we order pizza around 1:30 before they closed. I made sure to apologize and tip the guy, cause I’ve worked in the food industry. I understand. I still feel pretty bad…but we were hungry and well…pizza and wings were calling my name.

Now, I have to turn my attention to the many assignments I have due…oh this is gonna be a fun week.

Till next time,

R.

Rock n’ Rollin’

It seems like I’ve come down with something…the weathers been switching around so much my body hasn’t had a chance to adjust, and or recover from the bug I had two weeks ago. I also haven’t been sleeping properly.

This weekend I’m going to be involved in a Battle of the Bands competition. I’m working the event…cause of my role in our schools music society. My punk and metal loving friend will most likely attend. As for my other friends…I should probably push them to come. I really just want to see some familiar faces, outside of the staff and draw in as many folks as possible. I mean, the event is free you guys. You can win money. Why wouldn’t you go? It isn’t like you have anything better to do…except maybe that 2500 word essay that’s due Monday.

Yah I have some essays I need to get working on…hopefully I can get rolling today. We’ll see.

Till next time,

–R.

School…bleh

I’ve had exams all week. Soon though, I’ll be able to go home and relax. Hooray!

I’m ready for this semester to be over.

I don’t have any writing updates right now, just because I’ve been pretty busy but I did manage to write an entire response question on my exam as a poem. That was fun. No worries, my professor will like it. He’s a really cool guy. I’ve had him for about three years now. If you write your exam upside down he’ll give you bonus marks. He’s honestly a really great teacher, and a super nice person.

Also shout out to my friend and neighbour for returning my student card! I’m so grateful. I left it behind after my exam the other day and she grabbed it for me. Squad has my back.

I’ll have some updates when I’m done my final exam. So stay tuned!

Welcome to November!

I’m grateful for the week I had off from classes, because without it I feel as though I’d be a complete mess right now. I just kept saying to myself, “It’s almost reading break. It’s coming. The end is near. Just three essays, two exams and you’re free!” and somehow I managed to survive.

I kept getting sick during that time. I think I was so stressed and overwhelmed that my body began to react. I had constant headaches, and nausea. Never happened to me before…but after all of the stuff I’ve been through since last April…boy. I’m lucky I didn’t just snap and tear my hair out.

I managed to do a lot of writing and artwork over the break. I even got to work on my music, which was a lot of fun. I enjoy goofing around with my piano and guitar when I think no one is home…my sister screamed, “Shut up!” after about fifteen minutes. I was jokingly singing Chandelier…but it turned into a screamo edition and I sang “I want to screeeeeeam!” instead of “I want to swing.”

Anyway, you probably didn’t need to know that but basically I’m doing a lot better. I don’t feel like I’m a zombie anymore, I haven’t had any nausea or headaches, and things have been a lot less stressful back home. Plus, now school is settling down a bit…it’ll be busy again in a week or two but at least right now I can pace myself and get my head in the right place.

I guess I’d never been so stressed out in my life. I let it all build up from April. I refused to let myself crack…and then finally I just broke down. Which sucks because here and there I was finding myself slowly crumbling after trying to build myself back up. That’s why I’m glad that I had a week where I didn’t have to worry so much about school, or friends or anything and I could just catch up on sleep, draw and write and relax. I needed that break. I know if I had kept trying to push myself I’d have completely shut down. I usually try to be a very optimistic person but that side of me just vanished. I feel a lot more like myself these days. I’m goofing around with my friends again, I’m reading in my spare time (even though all I do is read for class), and I’ve set some goals for myself that I’d like to meet by my last exam date in December.

So, November I welcome you with open arms. I’m in good spirits despite the cold weather and the rain. Although I tend to write a lot of very depressing poetry in the winter (according to my creative writing professor), I will try to write something…warm and fuzzy. Not corny. Warm and fuzzy. Like…a nice blanket or a fluffy animal or some sort.

This was longer than usual.

Till next time,

— R.

 

Journel 11 – 2014

Speak to me with softness for your throat is tight. Look at me with kindness though you hate me inside. Pretend for me that this tension between us doesn’t exist. Smile with me, even if you are bitter.

For I don’t know that you are offended. I don’t see that I’ve done something wrong.

So for yourself please move along and act with glee. Your happiness is most important to yourself as well as to me.

 

End of the School Year

The school year is coming to an end. It feels like September was last week, and I was this slightly nervous kid worried about making friends.

This year I have been blessed with many great new friendships, amazing professors and an endless amount of laughter. I’m looking forward to next year and all the excitement and adventure it will bring.

Although school ending is a little bitter-sweet, I am looking forward to going home to see my family and friends.

I’ll be working on a pretty big project this summer, and when its done I’ll let you all know what that is. I’m extremely pumped about this…still slightly shocked but I’m definitely excited. So updates on that will be happening once I’m finished exams and have all the details ironed out.

I’m still plowing through two more assignments, but after Wednesday I’ll be finished, and will have more time to be creative, read my books and blog, and do all that fun stuff that I’ve had to put aside for a couple of weeks. Of course I have exams I need to study for but personally, I already feel well prepared for those. I love writing exams. Other people think they’re stressful and I see them as a chance to show myself (and my teachers) everything I’ve learned throughout the year and to put that knowledge to the test. Perhaps its because I’m working towards becoming a teacher myself? I don’t really think about grades when I work on an assignment, I mainly think about how much effort I’m putting into my work and if I’m producing something of good quality. Yah, weird I know…but I just don’t let grades define how I think about myself. A number does not define my self-worth and it does not define my intelligence. Sure, I get bummed out when I do a poor job on an assignment but I usually know if I haven’t done my best work and therefore take it as a learning opportunity. For example if I write an essay the night before its due, I don’t expect a 90%. If I procrastinated and put it off until the last possible minute, then it is my own fault and I need to learn not to do that again.

Well, that’s enough teacher-talk…or student-speak. I like alliteration.

Anyway, I just wanted to share how I’m feeling right now with school ending and with this absolutely fantastic project that I’m doing the last week of April.

All the best!

— R.