Letters to Myself

I just started watching a new show called Orange. It’s under the 2016 Summer Anime list, if anyone is wonder. It got me thinking about this project I did back when I was 16, where we had to write a letter addressed to our past selves. I can remember giving my 13 year old self a huge lecture on how I should have been more out going and less occupied with what others thought about me. At 16, I thought that I knew everything. My parents still say that I think I know everything, and that I enjoy correcting people (mostly my mother). My mom thinks I’m egotistical due to the fact that I’m a musician. I couldn’t deny it because there are days when I spend hours just looking at myself…and I do take a lot of selfies (I don’t share them anywhere).

To be honest I think what happened was, after being a moody 13 year old with a low self-esteem, I went to high school and decided I no longer cared if I wasn’t with the in-crowd. As you can see, I’m no longer ashamed to admit that I watch anime. One of my closest childhood friends from when I was 3 or 4 was from Japan, and so they used to buy me animes on VHS. No I don’t call myself an otaku. Yes I also read manga, but I enjoy comics in general (Archie anyone? Gotta love Jughead). So basically, to get back on topic, I realized that just because my hobbies have always consisted of writing, watching anime and music didn’t mean that I had to hide it from people. I figured, if people liked me for who I was then that was great. It was stupid trying to lie about what shows I watched and what sports I liked when I wasn’t really into any of that. While all my friends played football (American), I was more interested in pretending I was a Jedi knight…or petting the stray cat that liked to visit us at recess.

So I suppose my 16 year old self had a reason to be so harsh towards my 13 year old self. The thing is, looking back now, being 13 and 16 was equally stressful and I went through experiences that…well at the time made me feel like the sky was falling. Now that I’m considered an adult (who drinks mountain dew instead of beer and uses a starwars cup while using the worlds best Spiderman bookmark), I think I can say that I’ve realized that each part of my life is a new challenge. It seems hard at the time but once I get over it, it feels like it was a breeze.

From my first time being extremely jealous to my first date. My first experience with death to my first time holding a new baby. From bad grades to bulking down. From writing an entire novel without chapters or page numbers to becoming more organized and actually planning things out. The big and the small, all molded me into the somewhat adult I am today…although all the 16 year olds I work with think I’m the same age.

So, I’m not sure what I would say to myself at ages 13 or 16…or even to myself ten years from now when I’m 30. Wow…I’ll be 30 some day. Hopefully I have my life in order by then. To be honest I feel like I got myself where I need to be now. I try not to lie awake at night regretting the decisions I’ve made in the past. I try not to ponder the future too much either these days. Kind of makes me feel a little down…knowing that certain people won’t be with me anymore. All I can do is keep going forward. If YOLO taught me anything in high school it was that I should spend more time laughing and less time fighting. I should make time for friends and family. I should go into a career that I know I will love and will give me the most fulfilment. I shouldn’t jump the gun on decisions, and I shouldn’t put them off too long either. I shouldn’t think too much, and I should know when to take the time to think. I should step outside of my comfort zone, and I shouldn’t be afraid to stand my ground. If this were a letter to my past self or the person I’ll be when I’m 30…I’d probably say “You’re doing great. Just remember right now is a challenge but once you get over this hill, you’ll find the next will be a little easier to climb.”

— R

First Day Back: My Parents Don’t Understand and Advice

So today was my first day back at school. It went by a lot faster than I originally thought it would. It was almost as if I’d never left. This year so far my courses seem great…however my parents do not seem to understand that the courses that I am taking are in order for me to get a Bachelor of the Arts and then later move on into the field of teaching.  I’ve tried constantly to explain this to them, and they don’t seem to be getting my point. They think that I should be applying for the concurrent program, not spending possibly seven years in university. Personally, I feel that doing this the old fashioned way, is more beneficial for me. I don’t need to stress out over what courses I am taking, and all I have to do is focus on having my work completed and handed in on time (done properly as well). This constant debate over what I am doing with my future education is actually starting to get to the point where I don’t even want to try and argue with them anymore. I understand that my parents probably wont like their child being a writer on the side while in school, but I feel like they should just deal with it and let me do my own thing now that I’m older. Yes I am still living at home, but its my future right? What I decide to do from this point on really shouldn’t be up to them.

Other than that my first day back as a senior breezed by pretty quick. I can’t believe I’m so old. I mean, I’ve changed so much from when I started high school, to now. When I look back, I wonder why I was ever that insecure? Why did I care about what other people thought of me? Five years ago I finally spoke out and stood up for myself. Today I’m expressing myself through my writing mainly, but I’m strong enough to stand up and tell people what I think rather than just sitting there in the corner afraid that I might do something stupid.

Here’s a little word of advice for those of you who are starting high school. Don’t bother trying to fit in. Be yourself, because that’s the only time you’ll ever be happy.

Trust me… I’ve been there.

 

Signed wise, old but not so old,

Orion.

P.S My parents are actually pretty understanding people when it comes to certain things, and honestly I can talk to them about almost anything…as long as its not school related. In my family most of the kids are naturally smart and don’t have to study…then there’s me, the creative wiz kid who has to study unless its a course where I get to be creative. Yes I did just call myself a creative wiz kid…Don’t hug me I’m scared. Ha…yah. Don’t judge me.