Cutting it Close

It’s that time of year where I start living on ramen, KD and water because I’m too busy to buy groceries and I can’t afford to get bagels from Tims….

All I can say is that I’m glad I’ll be finished classes soon…I plan on doing some stuff online during the summer but summer in university starts in May. Luckily for me I’m going to have a couple weeks after my final exam before those start up…I’ll get to go home and write.

I’ve been wanting to work on my novels for what feels like ages now. At least I’ve had time to draw. If I didn’t have time to draw I’d probably lose it.

All my hobbies are fairly time consuming…writing and recording music, drawing, writing, reading. Actually, I’ve managed to get some reading in. I have so many books I want to catch up on but thankfully I’ve gotten through a handful of my comics this past month. I can’t get enough of my comic books. Studying English in university really makes you hate reading novels. It’s problematic. Even with writing novels…there are times when it feels stressful because all you do is read and write and discuss. There are days when all I want to do is sit on my butt, eat junk and binge watch mindless television series. Cartoons are great guys. They make you think…or they don’t make you think at all. I’ve slowly begun to enjoy reading again through my comic and manga collection. Graphic novels and the like don’t feel like novels. Sometimes theirs colour…and even when they aren’t in colour I still see colours in my head. I’m still enjoying a great book but I think the visual aspect makes it a much quicker read. I get lost in the story so easily…and then it’s over in a flash. Honestly I finish some of my comics in a half hour. Which suchs because I spend up to nineteen dollars on a book that takes me thirty minutes to plow through.

Anyway, once classes are out I’m writing as much as I want at any hour of the day whereever and whenever. When I was younger you would never see me without a binder or notebook of sorts. If I wasn’t writing I was drawing. Even the students I work know that I draw all the time…and my fellow classmates. It’s really hard to draw in public without people hovering over you, and asking a million questions. When I write in public I don’t draw as much attention to myself when I’m out in public.

I’d better eat. I haven’t had any food today. Time to enjoy that tasty ramen that totally has serious health benefits.

 

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Writing and Life Update

Wow this weeks just been flying by. I can’t believe it’s almost Friday!

I’ve gotten a couple of projects on the go, which is fantastic. I started getting into serious script writing. I’m really enjoying it. It’s different from writing novels and poetry but it’s just as fun.

As for my novel I’m working on it still. Planning out some minor details. It’s been fun. It really has. I mean, it’s almost like doing homework for school but this is the kind of homework that I enjoy.

I might start posting a short story that I wrote a while back just…I don’t know. I found it the other day and thought, “With a little editing here and there this could be a good story.” So I’ll be working on making it more presentable. The version I found was a draft. I haven’t received any feedback on it…so I’ll probably end up showing it to my sister first. She’s an honest kid.

I’m not sure how much work I’ll get done with my niece over though. She’s currently taking her nap so I have time to relax until she wakes up.

She’s a funny little girl. We spent all morning playing outside with my brother and my mom.

It’s great being back home with my folks. They really give me the drive I need to work.

Speaking of work, I’m starting that soon. I’m excited…very, very, very excited.

Actually my dad is more excited than I am.

Our family needs to do a lot of…nice happy things right now. We’ve got a lot going on…. but I’m just going to stay strong and be positive. I’m happy that I finally got hired by someone, that just takes some weight off my dad. Plus having my niece over should keep everyone in good spirits.

I find that if you’re feeling down, its best to go outside and get some fresh air. Exercise is amazing…it does a lot for your mind and body. I like to run. Since I’ve gotten back into running I’ve been feeling like my usual self. I’m writing music and poetry, working on my novels and joking around with my sister.

Happy Thursday!

P.S. do not drive your Barbie’s off a steep cliff (the porch) or they might flip upside down and lose their tiara’s.


That featured image was drawn by moi. Isn’t it awesome? I was like, “Mom look at my beautiful picture of an alien with a gun!” and my mom gave me that “Are you for real?” look and then I just walked away…

I bet my niece would like it…the alien is a villain in my story. Yah….okay bye!

Rough…

These last few days have been pretty rough. Today I had an exam and there have been a lot of personal family issues going on….

It’s just been rough. I usually bottle everything up inside. I’m a person who keeps to themselves when it comes to stuff like this. Especially with family situations, I feel like I suddenly need to act tough and compose my emotions around others. I realized this after my grandmother passed away. I never knew that I had this strong side to me. I’ve always been the cry baby out of my siblings…I mean I got teary eyed while watching How to Train Your Dragon (haven’t watched it since due to being laughed at). I’m surprised at my own ability to suddenly take on a different role. At times where I myself might be feeling upset and scared, I automatically smile, laugh and go on like everything is perfectly fine so that when those around me need someone strong to hold them up, I can be there for them. I’m not sure if this is exactly healthy…but I do it. I do it all of the time despite how I’m feeling.

Sometimes stuff happens in life that just kicks you in the gut and all you can do is ignore the pain and keep on pushing because the world keeps spinning. Time won’t stop because you’re faced with something that seems impossible…and heart wrenching…and completely out of your control. Life goes on and on and on and that’s it.

I hope I can make it through the rest of this week without completely breaking down. If I’m going to punch my pillow and blast music into my ears then I’d rather do that at home than while I’m here at school.

I hope the sun’s out tomorrow morning…just for a little while. I look forward to seeing the sunshine pouring into my windows.

I can’t stand being in the dark right now…all this grey and black and gloominess isn’t doing me any good. I really don’t want to be away from my family right now. Honestly I want to go home. I know I’m only here for a few days and then I get to be with my folks till September but I’m one of those people who needs to be around their family when stuff is bothering me.

Sorry for making another emo-ish post. I’ve been writing some pretty gloomy stuff lately. I seem to write happier things when I’m collaborating with my sister. She’s a funny kid.

How do you push through rough times?

Orion Dreams: Attack on Titan…

Have you ever heard of Attack on Titan?

I watched the show once last year with a friend, and had a dream last night that I was that guy Eren as a kid. In this dream, I was packing things to take from our house for my mother and sister, before the titans broke through the walls. Then I laid down on the couch in my house (where I live when I’m not at school) and shut my eyes, holding my old teddy bear that I’ve had since I was a baby.

When I woke up and saw a blue wall instead of a green one, and my heart started racing. I was lying as though I was holding my bear and I started feeling around for it. Then I realized it wasn’t there and began panicking even more, kind of like how I used to as a kid when I took it everywhere with me. Finally when I realized my bed sheets were the wrong colour, I sat up and looked around. That was when I came to the realization, “Oh yah…I’m not at home….titans aren’t real.”

It was scary…

Transitions and Travel

It seems that the transition to university has put a bit of a pause on my work. It’s irritating but my father believes that it is understandable. He explained to me that I’m still just trying to get the hang of everything, and that once I’m adjusted to this new lifestyle I will get back into writing. Nevertheless he found it extremely surprising that I hadn’t done any creative writing period. “There is a lake outside your window! There are gardens that you could sit and write in if you wanted to. With all this nature around, you should be able to write about something!”

Now I know that there are many writers out there who purposely move to areas like this, a tranquil environment surrounded by nature, however I learned many years ago that if you want, you can write anywhere. A good example of this is my cousin, he said that when he moved to British Columbia, that he would begin to write there. At the time I thought, “You live in an area surrounded by nature? What is so different about here and there?” but after watching a show recently where one of the characters was suffering from writers block I realized that many of us writers believe that we need to travel to places like France, Nova Scotia, or Japan in order to write.

I knew that university may take away the amount of time that I had for my novels, however in silence I made a promise to myself that I would work on it every chance I had. I feel as though I have already broken that promise; three weeks I’m here, watching life pass me by and not once did I open up my binder, grab a pencil and “bleed” across the pages to my hearts content.

It makes me wonder if location does have an impact us as writers. To be out of my favourite spot to write, my bedroom at home, it just doesn’t feel right. Sure this is a bedroom but as I told my father, this isn’t my bedroom. Maybe after my trip home this weekend, my bedroom will no longer feel like it belongs to me as well…however I fear that when I return to school I will not feel like it is home either.

Where is your favourite place to write?

If you could write in any province, state or country, where would that be? Why?

What makes you feel at home?

 

I made this...how artistic of me.

I made this…how artistic of me.

Ever since I entered into my late teens, many things have happened in my life where I’ve needed help but was too afraid to ask. This week, for instance, two events occurred that I didn’t know how to handle on my own. So what did I do? Well, I tried to keep my struggling from those who love and care for me the most. With the first event, I practically let everything crumble before me, and in the end, after all the anger, my dad came up to my room to have a “chat” with me.
“If you can’t even come to us for help, then who are you supposed to turn to?” He asked.
I never gave him an answer. I didn’t have one. I usually locked away my frustration, pushed my hardships aside, and at all costs avoided stressful situations. Though it made me feel like a coward at times, I was afraid that if I ever asked for help, someone would judge me. However, the other day I forced myself to knock down my walls and ask my friends and family for some advice. Still, I never asked my parents, but I did turn to a trusted adult, who understood me well enough, and who I felt wouldn’t judge or criticize me about the thoughts that were racing through my mind.
As time has flown by, these last four years, I’ve learned that high school is full of its ups and downs. I found that even though you learn a lot about others, you learn the a lot more about yourself. One of the most important things that I’ve learned is that it is better to seek help when you need it, rather than keeping everything locked inside, especially while in school. If something is bothering you there is no shame in telling someone, whether it’s a parent, a friend, or a trusted adult. I know it’s hard to admit that you still need guidance when you’re around my age. Sometimes us teens feel that it is better try to appear older, and stronger than we actually are, but we’re still kids, and honestly everyone, no matter how big or small needs a lending hand once in a while.
After asking for help from my friends and family, this was the advice I was given:
1. If you don’t have a peace about it, walk away.
2. Do whatever you think is right. In the end it’s up to you.
3. Be honest.

Anyways, I just thought I’d share something a little more personal.
Till next time,

Orion.