Selling Your Soul to Pay off Student Loans

Student’s find money stressful. Why? Well, books cost arm and a leg and applications cost you an organ or two and then paying back all of those loans…you’ll have to sell your soul.

It’s sad honestly how many nights I lie awake thinking about money. How much do I have for food? Do I have enough for rent? What happened to that money my uncle sent me for my birthday?

I was brought up knowing how to manage my money to some extent. For starters, I know that I am better off being sure that I have enough money to cover my rent for three to four months versus worrying about money for food. Food is important yes, but it’s less expensive than rent and if necessary I can live off of mac n’ cheese and toast.

Even though I try my best to budget and move numbers around I constantly feel uneasy about how much money I have. I try to make sure I have actual cash on hand in case of an emergency and also because I think it’s stupid to use debit for a purchase under $10, however despite taking these precautions it only seems to add to this weird…financial anxiety.

I’m not a big spender…unless you count books, but recently I’ve been reading comic books on Line Webtoon, so I’m not tempted to go out and buy a new book every chance I get. I also make sure to use my student discount every chance I get, and collect points at certain stores that I shop at frequently…like Chapters and Curry’s. It isn’t like I’m spending money every chance I get. The money I got for Christmas I used to pay for school and part of my rent…I still have bills to pay this week so that’ll be…just…yah.

I don’t know. If I could get a part-time job right now I would but my schedules packed…so I’m looking for paid surveys and things that I can do when I have an hour to myself or when I can’t fall asleep at night. I know that they increased minimum wage and all, but honestly…it isn’t going to make much of a difference. I worked two jobs over the summer, and I only made enough money to cover a few months of rent, and books. I have friends who work multiple jobs year round and I don’t know how they manage. I get worn out from placements, shows, meetings, classes and assignments. I can’t imagine doing all of that while working two jobs. They sad thing about my summer jobs is my one job caused a lot of unnecessary stress and my parents told me to quit, however I stayed because I knew I couldn’t afford to quit. That job was only part time on weekends. My other job was full-time during the week. I loved my full time job. I’d do it again in a heart beat. It’s closely related to what I’m going to school for anyways and I felt fulfilled doing it. Not to mention that people actually cared about my well-being and wanted to hire me as a private tutor for their kids. I’d be rich if I lived in town. I had to carpool with my Dad two hours every morning to work so…that’s the downside to the job.

I don’t know…I just wish things weren’t so expensive and I could live my life without having to freak out every time I spend a dime. I obviously can’t afford to buy a car any time soon. I don’t know when I’ll be able to afford one.

When my uncle was in university he could work all summer and have enough money to last him both semesters. I don’t understand why that had to change.

What I’d really like, is if school was free. I’m sure if it was they’d just charge us more for the textbooks though. They’ll get you one way or another.

Welp…this was my little rant about money. I’m hungry…so I’m going to try to think of what to eat.

Till next time,

–R.

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Review Anxiety

I don’t know what else to call it. I’m just a student, but I’d say this feels a lot like leaving your new baby in the care of someone else for the first time.

It’s not the first time I’ve let other read my work and give me feedback, but it is the first time in a very, very long time. I’m anxiously waiting to know what they think…and praying that they like it.

It’s hard to share your writing with people, and it doesn’t get easier over time. Some times you become more comfortable with the person you’re sharing your work with, but even then it can be terrifying.

When I handed over my manuscript I wanted to vomit. I suppose the timing is a bit weird since I’m also pretty stressed out because of school still but whatever. Life is full of transitions and trials. It’s one thing after another.

While you’re waiting for your feedback it can be helpful to occupy yourself with another project. Keep writing!

–R.

Happy New Year!

It’s still New Years Eve, but I wanted to give a quick update as to my novel progress. My novel is currently going through the “reader” phase, which may possibly result in a 4th edit. I’m pretty nervous honestly, but I know I’m going to get some good, constructive feedback that will really help me with my writing.

Wishing everyone a safe and happy New Year this coming 2018!

I’ll do my best to post more. December was a busy month for me due to exams and just…school related everything. Then suddenly it was Christmas and once I finished my editing stuff I went straight to playing with all my new gifts (Thanks Santa).

–R.

Novel Update: 4th Anniversary

Today the 4th Anniversary of my novel. It’s hard to believe that I began writing this book back when I was still a high school student.

I’ve come along way since I started the first page of my draft back in 2013. I’ve had experiences which helped me add more to the story that I couldn’t back when I was in high school. I completed the hardcopy version, and edited it. I’ve begun looking more into my publishing options. I’ve also been apply to Graduate school…which is weird. On top of that I’ve started the draft of the second book in the series (yep there’s more than one book).

I’m honestly can’t wait to have lots of people read it.

Not only that but my children’s book is finally becoming a reality. The illustrations are fantastic.

Despite all of the ups and downs I’ve had recently and all that occurred during these past four years, I’m glad to say that my book will definitely be published. I defeated my writers block, and jumped over the hurdles thrown in my path.

Seeing my words printed on paper is a wonderful feeling. I’ll have to print off another draft soon, and send copies to my other beta readers…who I am seriously thankful for.

I’m excited for this. I’m really excited. I haven’t had a lot to look forward to recently…well that’s not true, I’ve just been extremely busy and haven’t had any time to myself.

I’m also very…very short on money right now.  I only make a little money and apparently it costs around $100 every time you apply to a schools graduate program. So if I apply to four schools that’s $400…$400 that come out of my groceries, and bill payments. I have to pay my bills this week. I’m pretty sure it was a set fee back when I was in high school. You paid $100 for a total of three university applications. Why do they think that suddenly these same students are making millions of dollars four years later? I think I had more money when I was in high school. I didn’t spend money on anything but books. I didn’t have to pay rent, and pay for my heat and hydro. I didn’t buy my own groceries either. It wasn’t like I had to budget $100 every month for food and such. I also didn’t have to clean up after my roommates…who continue to do things that they agreed they wouldn’t do before I selected them as roommates.

I’m definitely considering living on my own next year. I don’t have to worry about anyone else’s mess. I can shower without pulling back the curtain and finding God knows what. My kitchen won’t smell like rotting meat, and since I’m the only person who lives here who knows how to take out the trash…and to use a trash can…then I won’t need to worry about people not pulling their weight. Too bad rent is expensive and it’s easier to divide it up between four people. Seriously…this is a pain in the butt.

Anyway, I have class soon so I’d better finish up my breakfast.

I hope everyone is surviving this weird weather.

Till next time,

–R.

Fight or Flight

There are times when it feels like the whole world is against you. You fall, you get back up. You fall again, harder than before but somehow you manage to stand on your feet again. You doubt yourself, you contemplate, you become your own worst enemy and yet you continue to stand, and deal with what’s in front of you.

At times you try to run away but you realize that it only makes things more difficult. One obstacle becomes two. The more you run the more you have to face. You wonder if there’s even a point of turning around, of charging through the mess you’ve made. Anything seems better than what you’re going through now.

You can either face the monsters you’ve created or you can continue to run from them. It’s not easy brushing yourself off every time, standing up to fight. How many times can a person get back in the ring? How many mountains can someone climb? How far can we run? It’s difficult to tell.

–R.

Nanowrimo

Since, I already finished writing my novel, I think I’ll continue with my editing during Nanowrimo. I’ve also been debating working on my other writing projects that I’ve temporarily put on hold due to…well…business.

I’m tired. I don’t like to admit it, but I am. I have three practices a week for two different things. One practice runs 7 hours. My legs are sore from training. I have placement in between two of my practices, and my only real free day is Sunday. Now I have to begin preparing for another assignment and I have a test this week. Probably tomorrow. I didn’t check. I still need to study. I wouldn’t say I’m under as much stress as I was last year but I’m definitely still busy. I enjoy the things I’m doing…mostly. Part of me just wants to graduate already. Some days I want time to slow down and others, I wish it would zip by. I’d love it if I could fast forward to the end of April. However…I’d still be training and practicing but I’d be doing something I enjoy.

I have so many things that I need to get done. I’m running a school club, going to rehearsals, training, studying, writing, editing…I’m supposed to be exercising outside of my training too. I have a practicum starting today so there’s that too. I’m just praying I get a good group. I want to be as helpful as I can.

Now I have a stomach ache…for some weird reason. Was it the apple I ate or the brownies? I shouldn’t eat brownies for breakfast. I know better. I need to go grocery shopping. Can people get stomach aches from being stressed? I should think about what I want to have for lunch later so that I don’t end up eating a whole bunch of junk. I’m thinking I’ll make burgers for dinner tonight. I like burgers.

I feel like I’m trying to juggle all of the different areas of my life. Responsibilities, hobbies, school, work. I always think back to what my dad told me, which is that a person doesn’t have to do just one thing. However, I know that because of what I’m doing I need to separate these things. I can do them all, and enjoy myself but because of one of my career paths, I need to be careful of the choices I make.

If I didn’t have class today I’d just sleep. Yesterday I forced my sister to tag along with me while I looked for new track pants. I never ended up buying any. They were all over priced. I got a good chicken souvlaki pita though. I really just needed to get out of the house. I felt like I wasn’t able to do anything for myself all week. I also realized that I’d be busy two weekends in a row this month and figured I might as well do something while I have the chance.

I’ve been missing out on fun stuff, like open mics and school events. It isn’t that I’m not having fun in my classes or at my practices…it’s just that…I don’t know. Like, I can’t even go home to visit my folks on the weekend anymore because I have to train on Saturdays. When I go home, I feel like I can relax and I don’t need to worry about anything at all. I’m free to lounge around the house, or go for a run or hang out with my friends.

The last time I hung out with my friends was in May. May. May. May….

Wow….

I guess it’s because I don’t have classes with my school friends. The only person I have to hang out with is my sister. Not that it’s a bad thing…we get along. It’s just kind of lonely. I miss sitting in the pub with my buds, eating mac n cheese and talking about stupid, pointless things. Stupid pointless conversations may not be worth repeating but they sure are good memories. I occasionally try to visit one of my friends at work. My other friends already graduated because they were a year older…and one of my closest friends dropped out and due to all the stuff they’ve been through since then I don’t think they’ll be coming back anytime soon. Things are just…weird.

I’ve actually wished that I had enough money so that I could pay my way through school and not have to worry about grades. Right now some of my classes are making me feel…kind of…blue. I guess I feel blue a lot these days, even though I try hard to be optimistic. It’s not even that I’m sad or depressed…it’s more that I just feel like if I could fall asleep for two days straight it would be awesome. I’ve had days were I’ve showered and dressed and I’m ready to go out and then decided I’d rather stay home and do nothing. I just change back into my pjs and go to sleep. I’ll lie in bed for hours.

I’ve tried setting earlier alarms, and waking up at the same time everyday. I’ve tried organizing my tasks. Maybe I just need a vacation?

Vacations are nice.

Well, I hope that Nanowrimo is going well for everyone. I’ll be doing my best. Exams are coming up very soon so I’ll probably be getting ready for that. Joy. So fun. I actually like exams just…thinking about marks right now is stressful. I’d rather pretend I’m not even in school right now…but what good will that do? Running away from things that seem stressful has never helped anyone.

Next time I’ll try not to whine some much,

–R.

Working and working…and working

The break is officially over, and I’m back to work. Even though I worked during the break, I was spending my time doing the things I loved. Now, I do love certain aspects of the courses I’m taking, I’m just at a point where I feel as though I should be done. I know that’s not the case. I know that I need to do my best work, and push on through this semester and the next. My marks matter. This isn’t the time to be goofing around. Still, I do at times feel too relaxed. Perhaps it isn’t that I’m relaxed, but I’ve finally gotten the hang of things.

I’m already making plans for the end of the year. I see everything lining up. All of the hard work I’ve done is paying off.

My cousin recommended that I do all of my travelling and such now while I’m single, and not tied down to a fulltime job. There are a few places I’d like to go. It’d be cool to spend a month here or there. There’s so much to do and see. I doubt I’ll actually spend a month somewhere, but if I really enjoy my time there I might go back.

I really want to stay home today and sleep. Don’t worry I didn’t spend my weekend partying. I’ve been fighting off a stupid cold for about two weeks. I have a headache…again. One day I’m great and then next I just want to crawl under my covers and sleep for 12 hours. I hate when I sleep through the entire afternoon. I’m not going to let myself do that as often anymore. I finally fixed my sleep schedule. Class isn’t that long…I just…it’s cold outside and I don’t have a proper coat to wear at this time. That’s probably why I haven’t been feeling so great. Also…I’d just rather work on my novel. I know that sounds pretty bad but I have so many things I’m doing here at home that I don’t feel the need to go anywhere else. Except I do need to go pick up a book I ordered. I leave my house when it’s cold and travel across the city for books. Other things…nah.

I think I’m going to do some reading before I head to class. Maybe I’ll feel more awake when I’m finished.

What am I going to eat for lunch…?

noway

Yugi-Oh

its-not-u-its-me

 

“It’s okay friend. You have pizza pockets.”

Thank God…but I don’t think I have time to go home in between my classes.

“Then you will starve. This is why we don’t eat apples for breakfast.”

…You suck.

“Ha…what you say is what you are.”

Grr…

What just happened to my blog post?

–R.

Inktober

Snapchat-935619892

I don’t usually share my drawings on here, but this is a really quick sketch I did of my niece sitting by the river. I know…that river looks great.

Last year I did themed character drawings for different months and holidays. I have one where I did a costume party, and what outfits my characters might where. It was really fun. Two of them dressed up as Mario and Luigi. I like to draw my character’s wearing shirts with aliens, or Nintendo characters. Depends on their personality. I like giving them wild hair colours too, like blue or fire truck red or green. I’ve just been doodling on my notes recently, so I don’t have many new drawings to show off haha…but I’ll work on some here and there.

Anyway, enjoy the rest of your day.

–R.

Novel Update

I finished. I finished the first round of editing, and transferred my novel from paper and pencil, to the lovely Times New Roman font on my laptop. It took a long time to type that up…from December 23rd, 2016 until October 13th, 2017.

My goal now is to do a complete read through of the hardcopy, which I printed off and stuffed into a binder I hijacked from my sister. I want to finish reading it all today. If I can do that, then that’s awesome. If not, that sucks but I’ll get it done. I’m in the last leg of the race here, I don’t want to start slacking off.

I was motivated to finish it, and I did. It felt so good watching it come out of the printer. Fresh ink. I ran out of paper twice. I didn’t care. I’m really pleased with myself. It’s been such a long time since I’ve actually completed one of my projects. I feel like I’ll have finally broken the pattern that began back in high school, with this novel. I’m going to finish the things I start from now on. There’s no reason for me to put things off.

Well…I’d better start reading. I haven’t eaten anything yet today and I barely slept last night but I don’t care. I’m so pumped. I did jumping jacks while this baby was printing. I’d kiss it but I don’t wanna be creepy.

My folks already find it weird that I carried the rough draft around with me and clutched onto it…and yelled at people for tossing my bag around whenever it was in there…and all the barking and hissing I did whenever anyone went into my room and moved my stuff….

Anyway, I’m going to get to work…and I’ll have a snack or something too. Ha…that’s probably a good idea.

Till next time,

–R.

(The following didn’t post for some reason…I apologize).


I’ve now edited several chapters…I believe 11. So I’m getting there. Since schools gotten really busy for me, I’ve set my goal to have the entire thing edited by the end of next week. I have no classes next week, so I’ll have lots of time to read and edit.

–R.

Power Outage

So the power was out for a couple of hours. Thought it’d be out all night. My plans to order in a pizza failed since it seems like all the pizza places have closed down for the night. Bummer. Guess I’m cooking…I think I may have a flu bug. I was starting to feel better yesterday, and then today…yuck.

I still have a bit of homework to finish…cutting and pasting and what not. Plus the written portion. Yep. A bit of work but I estimate that it won’t take me any longer than 30 minutes. I’ll be glad when I’m finally finished though. All I want to do right now is wrap myself up in my blankets with a warm drink, and read till I fall asleep. I don’t even know how I have energy right now…I feel awful. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I should’ve just listened to my Dad and went to the clinic. This is why we listen to our parents kids. They know what’s, what.

…This is also why we don’t leave our assignments until the night before. I’m really having a rough time here. I hope this week goes well. Things just seem seriously out of whack lately.

–R.