It seems like I’ve come down with something…the weathers been switching around so much my body hasn’t had a chance to adjust, and or recover from the bug I had two weeks ago. I also haven’t been sleeping properly.
This weekend I’m going to be involved in a Battle of the Bands competition. I’m working the event…cause of my role in our schools music society. My punk and metal loving friend will most likely attend. As for my other friends…I should probably push them to come. I really just want to see some familiar faces, outside of the staff and draw in as many folks as possible. I mean, the event is free you guys. You can win money. Why wouldn’t you go? It isn’t like you have anything better to do…except maybe that 2500 word essay that’s due Monday.
Yah I have some essays I need to get working on…hopefully I can get rolling today. We’ll see.
Till next time,
While I was away at school my parents rearranged my bedroom. It feels like I’ve got a lot more space now, which is nice. I mean, there’s more room to move around when my room is set up like this.
I actually have room for my keyboard and guitar, which is great. Plus my parents got my a new bookshelf…although it isn’t any use to me here at home, when it’s the one in my apartment that needs to be replaced (it’s been broken for years and keeps getting worse).
Yep…only weird thing is that my bed is right up against the wall. I keep thinking that I’m going to fall off or something.
Well, I’ve got a lot to do today so I’d better get going.
Until next time,
Singing lullabies in darkness,
To lure out our weakness.
We whisper lyrics gentle,
and warm like a candle.
Wanting to reach one another with words,
by singing like the birds.
Searching for a lyrical muse,
To string the sounds we don’t now how to use.
I finally finished the majority of my exams and assignments, so I thought that I’d take the time to chill. Write a little poetry.
Majoring in English can be a bit of a pain sometimes, since I love to read and write but I’m forced to read and write so much, to the point where it’s draining. Sad huh? Oh well, come Monday I’ll be free to do as I like for a little while. That’ll be nice.
Until next time,
Good morning, for some reason I’m up a lot earlier than expected…but I usually don’t sleep for very long. I should try harder to resist afternoon naps. They completely through off my schedule, and make me feel as though I’ve wasted my day…much like sleeping in.
I’m going to do a bit of light exercise this morning, since I’ve been slacking in that department lately. Then I’ll do some work on my novel and of course homework that I’ve put off far too long. I at least need to get some ideas down on paper. My schedule’s been pretty busy this weekend. I’ve had events since Friday evening, and after today it will be the end of that. I’m expecting it to go well today. Friday was…stressful.
I’m still trying to convince my younger sister to create a blog on wordpress.com for her art. She’s two won awards in the graphic narrative section of a yearly literary competition that is held for students in our hometown. She is her own worst critic however, so I believe this is what’s taking her so long.
I understand though. When it comes to my writing I am often reluctant to share it with my family and friends because I’m worried they’re judge me. Especially when it comes to my lyrics and poetry. A lot of the time my poems and songs are centered around characters I’ve created for stories I’m working on, so the themes behind them have a huge contrast. My creative writing professor last year was surprised when I shared a happy story that used warm imagery because all of my other work that I’d presented in class had a tendency to be very cold and depressing.
Speaking of cold, I think I’ll do my exercise in doors today. Burr…I’m shivering as it is. I like winter time but I don’t wanna be in the cold long if I don’t have too. I really love getting in a good work out early in the morning. Helps to lose all the stress from the day before. I always feel really pumped afterwards.
Until next time,
I never would have thought these two songs would go together. Next time I’m home with my keyboard, I’m doing this aha.
“It’s the final countdown, we’re leaving together!”
Yah…still not tired. Gonna keep working on my writing.
I’m grateful for the week I had off from classes, because without it I feel as though I’d be a complete mess right now. I just kept saying to myself, “It’s almost reading break. It’s coming. The end is near. Just three essays, two exams and you’re free!” and somehow I managed to survive.
I kept getting sick during that time. I think I was so stressed and overwhelmed that my body began to react. I had constant headaches, and nausea. Never happened to me before…but after all of the stuff I’ve been through since last April…boy. I’m lucky I didn’t just snap and tear my hair out.
I managed to do a lot of writing and artwork over the break. I even got to work on my music, which was a lot of fun. I enjoy goofing around with my piano and guitar when I think no one is home…my sister screamed, “Shut up!” after about fifteen minutes. I was jokingly singing Chandelier…but it turned into a screamo edition and I sang “I want to screeeeeeam!” instead of “I want to swing.”
Anyway, you probably didn’t need to know that but basically I’m doing a lot better. I don’t feel like I’m a zombie anymore, I haven’t had any nausea or headaches, and things have been a lot less stressful back home. Plus, now school is settling down a bit…it’ll be busy again in a week or two but at least right now I can pace myself and get my head in the right place.
I guess I’d never been so stressed out in my life. I let it all build up from April. I refused to let myself crack…and then finally I just broke down. Which sucks because here and there I was finding myself slowly crumbling after trying to build myself back up. That’s why I’m glad that I had a week where I didn’t have to worry so much about school, or friends or anything and I could just catch up on sleep, draw and write and relax. I needed that break. I know if I had kept trying to push myself I’d have completely shut down. I usually try to be a very optimistic person but that side of me just vanished. I feel a lot more like myself these days. I’m goofing around with my friends again, I’m reading in my spare time (even though all I do is read for class), and I’ve set some goals for myself that I’d like to meet by my last exam date in December.
So, November I welcome you with open arms. I’m in good spirits despite the cold weather and the rain. Although I tend to write a lot of very depressing poetry in the winter (according to my creative writing professor), I will try to write something…warm and fuzzy. Not corny. Warm and fuzzy. Like…a nice blanket or a fluffy animal or some sort.
This was longer than usual.
Till next time,
Sorry for not being very active lately. I’ve had a really busy and overwhelming couple of weeks. I’m currently finishing up some of my school work, which took me a long time to catch up on and studying for my exams.
I’m thinking of making copies of the work I’m doing at the moment because this is a really awesome project. We’ll see if my scanner likes me today. I just got new ink. I don’t know if I should share it until I’ve had it marked though, as I don’t want my teacher to think I’ve stolen someone else’s work, especially when the work is my own.
I thought I’d just share some of the music I’m listening to while I work today. Happy listening.
I just started watching a new show called Orange. It’s under the 2016 Summer Anime list, if anyone is wonder. It got me thinking about this project I did back when I was 16, where we had to write a letter addressed to our past selves. I can remember giving my 13 year old self a huge lecture on how I should have been more out going and less occupied with what others thought about me. At 16, I thought that I knew everything. My parents still say that I think I know everything, and that I enjoy correcting people (mostly my mother). My mom thinks I’m egotistical due to the fact that I’m a musician. I couldn’t deny it because there are days when I spend hours just looking at myself…and I do take a lot of selfies (I don’t share them anywhere).
To be honest I think what happened was, after being a moody 13 year old with a low self-esteem, I went to high school and decided I no longer cared if I wasn’t with the in-crowd. As you can see, I’m no longer ashamed to admit that I watch anime. One of my closest childhood friends from when I was 3 or 4 was from Japan, and so they used to buy me animes on VHS. No I don’t call myself an otaku. Yes I also read manga, but I enjoy comics in general (Archie anyone? Gotta love Jughead). So basically, to get back on topic, I realized that just because my hobbies have always consisted of writing, watching anime and music didn’t mean that I had to hide it from people. I figured, if people liked me for who I was then that was great. It was stupid trying to lie about what shows I watched and what sports I liked when I wasn’t really into any of that. While all my friends played football (American), I was more interested in pretending I was a Jedi knight…or petting the stray cat that liked to visit us at recess.
So I suppose my 16 year old self had a reason to be so harsh towards my 13 year old self. The thing is, looking back now, being 13 and 16 was equally stressful and I went through experiences that…well at the time made me feel like the sky was falling. Now that I’m considered an adult (who drinks mountain dew instead of beer and uses a starwars cup while using the worlds best Spiderman bookmark), I think I can say that I’ve realized that each part of my life is a new challenge. It seems hard at the time but once I get over it, it feels like it was a breeze.
From my first time being extremely jealous to my first date. My first experience with death to my first time holding a new baby. From bad grades to bulking down. From writing an entire novel without chapters or page numbers to becoming more organized and actually planning things out. The big and the small, all molded me into the somewhat adult I am today…although all the 16 year olds I work with think I’m the same age.
So, I’m not sure what I would say to myself at ages 13 or 16…or even to myself ten years from now when I’m 30. Wow…I’ll be 30 some day. Hopefully I have my life in order by then. To be honest I feel like I got myself where I need to be now. I try not to lie awake at night regretting the decisions I’ve made in the past. I try not to ponder the future too much either these days. Kind of makes me feel a little down…knowing that certain people won’t be with me anymore. All I can do is keep going forward. If YOLO taught me anything in high school it was that I should spend more time laughing and less time fighting. I should make time for friends and family. I should go into a career that I know I will love and will give me the most fulfilment. I shouldn’t jump the gun on decisions, and I shouldn’t put them off too long either. I shouldn’t think too much, and I should know when to take the time to think. I should step outside of my comfort zone, and I shouldn’t be afraid to stand my ground. If this were a letter to my past self or the person I’ll be when I’m 30…I’d probably say “You’re doing great. Just remember right now is a challenge but once you get over this hill, you’ll find the next will be a little easier to climb.”