More Nanowrimo Updates

Last night I was up until 3 am writing. I honestly couldn’t stop. I must’ve spent the entire evening working. I guess not working on anything other than essays for a month let all my creativity and imagination build up. I haven’t been able to keep my hands away from a blank page all week. Its incredible.

So its 10 am now. I don’t really know how much sleep I got, nor do I really care. I’m a night owl and a rooster. Up all hours of the day if required. I enjoy sleeping, but whenever I sleep in I feel as though I’ve wasted my day.

The plan right now is to do some character designs, as I’ve finally fleshed out another group of characters.

I’ve got homework to get done today as well, so I’ll probably alternate between the two. Hopefully I don’t get absorbed into my writing and forget about the important work I need to do.

 

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She Strikes Again

I knew that approximately thirty minutes after I settled into bed, she’d barge into my room whimpering. After a while, you just know these things.

She never wants to sleep all by herself. Even if you give her every known nightlight in the house, a mountain of stuffed animals and the world’s most comfortable pillows she’ll still insist. She could be out like a light, sleeping through the shouting fans, the blaring television and the gentle hum of the dryer. Still, she would wait until you’re settled into bed, just beginning to shut your eyes and then she would run to your room, begging for you to stay with her until she falls asleep.

Eventually one just gives in to the demands of the ever persistent four year old.

Hopefully I can actually get a decent amount of sleep tonight. We’ll see.

Goodnight/morning again,

— R and Princess Curly Top.

I think I miss my family now…

Ugh…I never should’ve watched these clips from kids movies.

Oh well. Gonna see everyone for my mom’s 50th. I’d better get some sleep. I’ll finish my random video watching…colouring…thing later.

I was colouring some pictures I drew of character’s I forgot I made. I didn’t realize that I’d started a really good novel a few years back. I’m shocked at how well it was written. It’s a huge step up from my first few novels. I wish my sister didn’t talk me out of writing that one. She said the introduction was too dark.

She doesn’t like it whenever people die in my stories and I describe their like…deadness.

I should seriously share more drawing on here. I should also sleep now because…I don’t want my professor calling me out because I’m asleep in his class. I was late for the first one because I went to the wrong class and then I lost my keys and…it was a really bad day. So this week I’m going to show up on time and I’ll be all smart and actually try to contribute. I guess being in a class with upper years is a little intimidating at times. Wow…I’m really tired.

Who wants to clean the pencil crayons off my bed for me? I’ll give you peach flavoured juice….and a twizzler.

Alright…I’ll stop being lazy.

— R.

I Guess…I Wrote a Poem?

I wanted to draw…so I drew some pictures.

I listened to music that was a…well, hard core.

I kept sketching faces from inside my head.

Now my wrist is kind of sore….


This wasn’t supposed to be a poem…but I can’t control the writer so…okay we’ve got a poem. Awesome sauce! It’s late I should sleep. Yah…sleep sounds like a good idea.

Goodnight.

— R.

I’m Back!

Hey, I know I haven’t blogged in a while. I’ve been busy getting into my new job.

I managed to do a lot of writing the other day, and early this morning…just finished up typing an edited version of a story I wrote in high school. I can’t believe it’s 1 in the morning. I really need to stop staying up so late…but I also need to stop late night snacking.

Anyway, I’ll be posting that story at some point…probably in sections. I just want to get more written out before I do so.

As for my actual novel, it’s going great. We are moving along smoothly. It’s been such a fun ride so far. I’m really excited for what’s about to happen (Don’t worry I don’t give spoilers).

I apologize for not blogging in so long. It’s been a little weird balancing work and everything. I’ve only had 4 shifts so I’m still getting the hang of things. I hope to be a pro real soon. I don’t like bugging my co-workers with 20 questions every other minute. They’ve got their own stuff to do and they’re pretty busy as it is. I seem to be fitting in nicely though. It’s a great place to work. I have no complaints. Gotta make money to pay the bills.

Growing up is weird guys…but thankfully it doesn’t happen over night. I still enjoy having my folks buy me stuff.

Thanks for buying my shoes for work mom. That was really nice of you. Love you…and stuff.

Anyway I should sleep. I have another appointment tomorrow and I realized that I seriously need to go to a library and find some books. I have some research to do.

I’ll blog soon!

The Insomnia Blog?

I know it’s a little odd for me to post poetry at 2 in the morning. Thing is, I’ve been writing them off the top of my head every day, and I thought that it’d be alright to share them. It also helps to calm me down.

You see, I’m having trouble falling asleep lately. I don’t know if it’s because exams are coming up or because I’m not tired. It might also be because I keep staying up very late whenever I go home to see my family. I just feel like I’m not able to get to bed until around 3 – 4am. I know it isn’t healthy because I used to wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning all of the time, without any reason. It was simply I’d wake up from an intense dream. I’d go back to sleep and get up at 7 am when my alarm went off. Now I set my alarm for 8am since my classes are usually around 11am.

I’m not sure why I’m telling you all my sleeping patterns. I’m know that this isn’t the first time I’ve discussed my inability to sleep on my blog. Maybe I should call this the insomnia blog. What I find bizarre is that I enjoy sleeping. It is so nice. It’s stress relieving and I love that nice warm bed feeling.

I thought that if I talked about sleeping I’d start to yawn. Ha…I typed the word yawn and yawned. That’s hilarious. I love the human mind. I wish that was on tape because that was perfect. The yawn signalizes that I may be able to fall asleep around 4. Wish me luck…

Hope everyone has a Wonderful Wednesday.

I Ate a Cupcake at 12 pm.

I had a mini cupcake at 12 pm and now I can’t seem to stop my eyes from going all big and sunshiny like a kid who just had a huge pixy stick (my parents don’t let me have a lot of sugar).

Oh boy…I need to sleep. I gotta get up early tomorrow for class. All these cupcakes and gold fish. At least I drank water.

I don’t even know why I’m blogging about this anyways. I mean seriously? Does anyone actually care about what I eat? I’m not exactly a food blogger…

I had samosa’s for breakfast this morning…I love samosa’s.

I cant see what I’m trying ….typing anymore…because my screens not scrolling. So I’m gonna end the blog here and pray that there aren’t any insane spelling errors that’ll make me cring later…I can’t remember how to spell cring….I think I spelt it wrong twice…omg…I just used an abbreviation…someone emske it stop please just make it stop……I’m gonna click publish….and see what this looks like….

is anyone else having this issue?

HA…It’s working properly now. See! I can see! 😀 Okay bye folks…I’ll be back when the computer doesn’t confuzzle my cupcaked sleepy brain. It had blue icing by the way…and the sprinkles taste really gooooooood.

I KNEW CRINGE WAS SPELT WITH AN E!!!!!!!!!!!

…time for Ryder to go to bed now…yesh it is time…. I’m gonna probably look at this later and be like, “Bro…what is wrong with you?” but OH WELL! It’s something to laugh at.

Train of Thought(s)

So it’s 1 am, and I’m so tired that my minds running like a get away train.

You know when you’re about to fall asleep and all those thoughts come rushing in, so you start thinking all these really deep things.

For example, last night before falling asleep I questioned why I was wearing black all week. I sure wasn’t grieving. I mean, nobody died… then I thought, “Maybe I’m just reflecting what I’m feeling on the inside? I’m feeling pretty down in the dumps…let’s face it I’m depressed.”

When you actually admit it to yourself, there’s this feeling you get. It’s not this feeling that you’re depressed, it’s this feeling like your choking from the inside. Like you wanna scream but you can’t.

I try not to admit those kind of things to myself. I’m scared of being crazy. I don’t think I’m crazy, but if I were crazy I don’t think anyone would ever talk to me. I’m lonely enough thanks. Just thinking things like that bugs me. Then again, a lot of things bug me lately. It rains too much, it’s too cold, people are too damn loud or too damn quiet. There’s not enough lighting, or it’s too bright. I’m thinking so much about everything that I can’t think at all. Its driving me up the wall. Up. The. Bloody. Wall.

You ever feel like you just wanna hit somebody? You know you won’t actually hit anyone, but you want to. You just wanna clench your fist and swing your arm real fast till smack, there she goes…and you can just stare at yourself in disbelief because you really hit that guy. Poor fella…didn’t really deserve it. You were just having a bad day.

I’ve felt like hitting someone lately and that someone is myself. Talk about beating yourself up. I literally would love to. If I could, I’d clone myself and beat myself to a pulp…I call myself an idiot in my head. I do it all the time. I’d never say it aloud. That’d be admitting to it. When words are said out loud they come true. They don’t come true when you think and un-think them. All this thinking and un-thinking…exhausting. I wish I could sleep but I can’t. I’m too tired to sleep. My minds racing. Worst part of it is, I can function on little sleep without coffee. I’ve had coffee twice in my life. It’s awful stuff. Bitter. I’ve got a sweet tooth. I’d rather drink pop or a cup of tea with three large spoons of sugar. That’s why I’ve had so many cavities in the past…it’s all this dang sugar. I can’t wait till I can go home. Don’t get me wrong, living on my own is fun and all, I can leave my room messy without my mom nagging me about it, and I don’t have anyone complaining to me about anything, but I need to get home. I feel like if I don’t get home I’ll break.

One can pretend they’re okay for so long until they just break.

I’m so tired my eyes sting. They’re watering. I’d sleep if I could…I sure would…but these dang thoughts just keep on coming. I’ve gotta get up for class at 8 am. It’s 2 now. I’m feeling hungry, light headed…feeling awful. Just awful. Why can’t I just push a button and say, “Racing thoughts let me sleep. Do not make another peep!” These thoughts make me sad…real sad. Like there’s something wrong with me. Guess there is something wrong with me. I still haven’t changed outta these dirty clothes and I’m talking to a brick wall. Yah a bloody, cold brick wall. Nothing’s getting through that thing. If I were a brick wall I’d be better off. No more of this feeling like beating myself up and curling up at night staring at the ceiling. No more being a big suck. No sir, I’d be unmovable…unless you took something and smashed me in. You’d need a wrecking ball for that. Sadly, I’m no brick wall….not emotionally anyways.

Some people must think I’m unapproachable but I just don’t approach people. There’s a difference. I like people. I like to watch them, talk to them….but I over think before I say anything. So instead of worrying myself about what I should say, I don’t say anything at all. Makes things much easier on me…being shy and all.

These are the kind of things that run through my head constantly. It’s like a runaway train. There’s no stopping it. It just keeps speeding down this track. I never know where it’ll end up…I think that’s the depressing part. Not knowing.