“Maybe writing children’s books is in your future?”

I got back an assignment the other day…which basically I read the required course material and then wrote a response to it. I think I had to do about 10. I still have this stupid cold so yah….Anyway, so I’m flipping through reading the comments and then I get to the last one:

“You have a very engaging writing style! Maybe writing children’s books is in your future?”

Well…if my professor wants to read my children’s book she’s more than welcome to.

I’m still waiting on the last few illustrations. The original goal was to have everything finished by December but life happens. We’re students. People get stressed and busy and all that. I am willing to wait till these exams are over to get some great art for my book. I don’t think anyone else could’ve captured the character so…perfectly.

In the meantime while I’ve been waiting on that, I’ve also been waiting for my beta readers to give me more updates. So far they like the novel and the feedback has been really helpful and constructive.

I sent all my hand written writing stuff to my parents on the weekend…I have no journals or notebooks or binders. I have my laptop. I can work on the novel I was writing on my laptop I guess. I just really wanna write. What sucks more is that I wanna write some songs but I don’t have my piano or guitar here…and I can barely talk still. My voice is starting to come back a little.

At least I can draw…but my fingers really wanna write.

It’s frustrating.

I still have some homework to get done later this evening so I’ll do some writing tomorrow afternoon instead…hopefully I’m feeling better by then. For now I’m gonna work on getting my energy back up so I can fight this stupid cold.

–R.

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Cutting it Close

It’s that time of year where I start living on ramen, KD and water because I’m too busy to buy groceries and I can’t afford to get bagels from Tims….

All I can say is that I’m glad I’ll be finished classes soon…I plan on doing some stuff online during the summer but summer in university starts in May. Luckily for me I’m going to have a couple weeks after my final exam before those start up…I’ll get to go home and write.

I’ve been wanting to work on my novels for what feels like ages now. At least I’ve had time to draw. If I didn’t have time to draw I’d probably lose it.

All my hobbies are fairly time consuming…writing and recording music, drawing, writing, reading. Actually, I’ve managed to get some reading in. I have so many books I want to catch up on but thankfully I’ve gotten through a handful of my comics this past month. I can’t get enough of my comic books. Studying English in university really makes you hate reading novels. It’s problematic. Even with writing novels…there are times when it feels stressful because all you do is read and write and discuss. There are days when all I want to do is sit on my butt, eat junk and binge watch mindless television series. Cartoons are great guys. They make you think…or they don’t make you think at all. I’ve slowly begun to enjoy reading again through my comic and manga collection. Graphic novels and the like don’t feel like novels. Sometimes theirs colour…and even when they aren’t in colour I still see colours in my head. I’m still enjoying a great book but I think the visual aspect makes it a much quicker read. I get lost in the story so easily…and then it’s over in a flash. Honestly I finish some of my comics in a half hour. Which suchs because I spend up to nineteen dollars on a book that takes me thirty minutes to plow through.

Anyway, once classes are out I’m writing as much as I want at any hour of the day whereever and whenever. When I was younger you would never see me without a binder or notebook of sorts. If I wasn’t writing I was drawing. Even the students I work know that I draw all the time…and my fellow classmates. It’s really hard to draw in public without people hovering over you, and asking a million questions. When I write in public I don’t draw as much attention to myself when I’m out in public.

I’d better eat. I haven’t had any food today. Time to enjoy that tasty ramen that totally has serious health benefits.

 

Hopes and Fears

In our lives there will always be hopes and fears popping in and out of our heads. Some nights they dance about as I try to shut my eyes and scatter about the room as I toss and turn, trying to settle my mind. When I wake up I’m in a daze before they come rushing back.

I try to wake up feeling excited versus anxious, about the things to come. I try not to think of the ever-growing list of things I need to do for the day and take my time getting ready. Still by the time I realize I’m running behind schedule, these hopes and fears are there waiting by the door. I try to keep them locked up but they must have figured out how to climb through the window.

No matter. I can always stick my headphones in and ignore them. The music will drown them out…although I do like the hopes very much, so I let them dance while I walk to the rhythm of the morning. They’re warm like the sun and brush gently across my skin. They make my heart pound heavily, but the heaviness is nice…it lets me know that I’m still alive and as I get lost in my hopes I pull out my phone and suddenly fear sinks its teeth into me.

Being late, not having things done, forgetting something back at home…all of the little fears that poke and pick at me throughout the day. Sometimes it’s easy to ignore them and other times I can’t. I think about kicking them, or stomping on them…but at the same time being so carefree isn’t always a good thing. Things need to get done. I have places I need to go, people I need to meet, work I need to finish…and the ever-growing list of little fears pushes me to get them done. My heart races when the fears start to slither about. They slip between my ankles, wrap around my throat…they nearly suffocate me…and yet I’m still alive.

My hopes  tug at me and my fears start to pull back. Both clawing at my arms and legs and face. I can’t seem to decide which way to go, so I sit in the grey…and I wait. I procrastinate. I pretend everything is nothing, and that nothing is everything. It’s a numb place to be, and very boring…there’s no music or colour. There are no hopes and no fears…so I let them back in and let the battle begin, until night-time comes again and I begin to dream.

Itching to Write

Despite how late it is I’m currently itching to write. I haven’t had a chance to work on my own projects for such a long time (or a least it feels that way). Perhaps I can do a bit of writing now…or at least read over where I last stopped off.

I don’t want to be up too late. I have stuff that I need to get done tomorrow…homework, laundry…dishes…and whatever else.

Honestly I wish I could just take a day off…but once I’m done being busy I’ll probably complain that there’s nothing to do.

 

Show Time!

The past week has been extremely busy, but it’s also been a lot of fun. I have some work that I need to catch up on this week, but other than that I’m feeling great.

There’s just something about performing that makes me feel joy. I like to make stories come to life for others. It’s spectacular. It’s been years since I’ve been in an actual staged production, and I was worried that I might be nervous but surprisingly I felt great. No nerves in sight. I was pumped. I was so full of energy. By the end of the night all I wanted to do was sleep…but that excitement is lingering inside of me. Only a few shows left…then back to my boring routine.

I’m definitely going to miss everything about this school, my friends, my professors…and this small little city. I love it here. I’m sad to leave but it’s time to start a new chapter in my life.

I was nervous about coming here, and now I’m nervous about leaving. I think deep down, I was starting to believe that I’d spend the rest of my life here. Silly that I’d go so far to imagine living here permanently.

I’m ready to graduate. I’m 100% ready. I really don’t want to bother doing the silly graduation photos and what not…but my parents want them so I guess I have to. I just want to take some nice pictures. I rarely smile in these kinds of photos.I really just wanna get my diploma and dip. I’m ready to move on.

I have to write some tests today, so I’d better stop blogging. I’m feeling pretty sleepy at the moment…so I wanna wake myself up with a warm drink before I have to catch the bus.

Once I’m done being busy, and I’ve caught up on my studies I’ll jump back into working on my novels and such.

–R.

Late Nights, Early Mornings

Recently my sleep schedule has been all over the place. It’s definitely added to the stress I’ve been under lately. As I mentioned in my last post, I haven’t had a chance to work on my own personal projects lately, which is seriously bumming me out. Unfortunately balancing school and my personal life has become more and more difficult over these last two years.

There are days when I feel as though I’m missing out on stuff…and then again there are things that I’d rather not take part in. University is just another chapter in my life that is quickly coming to an end…and I’m ready for what lies ahead. I may not have everything figured out but honestly who does? I just wish I could get my sleep under control. I’m either sleeping ton or not at all. I hate feeling tired in the middle of the day.

Tonight I’m up late because I’m not feeling well…however yesterday I went to bed around 8pm. I was pretty exhausted. Both days were busy but…I guess it’s harder to fall asleep when your stomach feels like it’s going to explode.Actually, if it did explode it might relieve some of the pain. I hate this. I honestly do. I’d better be 100% healthy when I get out of bed tomorrow or I’m going to be ticked. I’m too busy to be sick. I won’t allow it. I have exams to prepare for, homework to catch up on, placements to do, and performances and presentations and….I find myself getting lost in thought trying to squeeze all of these individual tasks into my brain.

My wall is currently plastered in sticky notes. I managed to remove some a couple of days ago…but the ones that remain are a constant reminder of how much stuff I need to do. Yet, here I am blogging, drinking hot water and lemon to sooth my stomach and watching television…to top it off I’m also alternating between three games on my phone. It’s not very productive, but if you spent two days doing nothing but work, you’d want to at least spend a little time in the evening relaxing right? I could seriously go for a nice hot shower right now…despite it being 1 am…but my roommate didn’t rinse out the tub and I literally just cleaned it out….I scrubbed that entire bathroom. I even washed the floors. I don’t like living with people. I broke a glass yesterday, and a piece of it cut my ankle. No one even bothered to come into the kitchen to find out what that shattering sound was. I didn’t even notice the blood until I was finished sweeping. Why did I put shorts on when I got home? Why did I think it was a good idea to wear shorts? All I wanted to do was eat my damn pizza pocket. That’s all I wanted…but these people leave their dirty dishes all over the place. So sorry I broke your glass. I’m left-handed. Not like you’d know that but…don’t leave your stuff so close to the microwave and I won’t accidentally smash it to bits.

I hope this lemon water thing works. I just googled it. Apparently it helps. I figure if my Mom would drink it, it’s probably good for me.

Well…I hope I have something more interesting to update on, other than the things that happen during my day.

Till next time,

–R.

Long Time No Update

Lately school has been so busy, that I haven’t had time to work on any of my own projects. It’s a bummer but at least the year is wrapping up. I’d like to say that I have a book update but I don’t have anything new to report right now. I would like to start looking at cover artists and such, but for now I need to focus on finishing up the school year.

Hopefully my next post will have something interesting to report.

–R.

 

Review Anxiety

I don’t know what else to call it. I’m just a student, but I’d say this feels a lot like leaving your new baby in the care of someone else for the first time.

It’s not the first time I’ve let other read my work and give me feedback, but it is the first time in a very, very long time. I’m anxiously waiting to know what they think…and praying that they like it.

It’s hard to share your writing with people, and it doesn’t get easier over time. Some times you become more comfortable with the person you’re sharing your work with, but even then it can be terrifying.

When I handed over my manuscript I wanted to vomit. I suppose the timing is a bit weird since I’m also pretty stressed out because of school still but whatever. Life is full of transitions and trials. It’s one thing after another.

While you’re waiting for your feedback it can be helpful to occupy yourself with another project. Keep writing!

–R.

Exams, Illustrations, Teaching and Reading

My exams and my placement are almost finished. I’m definitely going to miss my students over the winter break. I’m trying to think of something nice I can do for them on Friday but because I’m still studying for my final exam I haven’t had much time to do that.

My students discovered that I draw, and so I’ve got a bunch of commissions to finish by Friday. Right now I’m drawing a cat. Maybe I’ll post it when I’m done.

My favourite thing about my placement is that the moment I arrive they’re all excited to see me. That honestly makes my day. I hope in the future when I’m teaching on my own I’ll get that same reaction from my students.

I’ve also been getting a lot of great advice from the teacher I’m working with. The age group I’m with is actually a little older than what I applied to teach but it’s great because I’m learning a lot about myself, and certain things that I need to work on.

As for my exams…well I’m still studying. I’ve gotten a bit of help on some of the stuff I don’t know. I’m not nervous or anything so that’s good. My plan is to just review as much as I can today and tomorrow morning, and just do the best that I can. As long as I do my best, then I have no reason to be nervous. I’ve studied the material, and I tried my best. That’s what matters.

Now, book updates: due to having also having exams, my illustrator for the children’s book is currently on break. We were hoping all the illustrations would be officially finished before December but then got swamped with assignments. So, as of the 18th of December we will get back to work on the illustrations. I’ll also have the rest of my beta readers go through my novel, since I’ll have more hard copies printed off by then. Some people don’t mind it when you send a PDF but eh…there are people like me who like to make notes on the page when reading over people’s work. I’m hoping for some really helpful feedback. I’m hoping to decide on what I’m doing with the cover this week…I think I found a designer who can do what I want. If all goes well the book will be released during the winter time, which would be awesome.

Anyway I’d better get back to reading my textbook here.

Stay golden,

–R.

Novel Update: 4th Anniversary

Today the 4th Anniversary of my novel. It’s hard to believe that I began writing this book back when I was still a high school student.

I’ve come along way since I started the first page of my draft back in 2013. I’ve had experiences which helped me add more to the story that I couldn’t back when I was in high school. I completed the hardcopy version, and edited it. I’ve begun looking more into my publishing options. I’ve also been apply to Graduate school…which is weird. On top of that I’ve started the draft of the second book in the series (yep there’s more than one book).

I’m honestly can’t wait to have lots of people read it.

Not only that but my children’s book is finally becoming a reality. The illustrations are fantastic.

Despite all of the ups and downs I’ve had recently and all that occurred during these past four years, I’m glad to say that my book will definitely be published. I defeated my writers block, and jumped over the hurdles thrown in my path.

Seeing my words printed on paper is a wonderful feeling. I’ll have to print off another draft soon, and send copies to my other beta readers…who I am seriously thankful for.

I’m excited for this. I’m really excited. I haven’t had a lot to look forward to recently…well that’s not true, I’ve just been extremely busy and haven’t had any time to myself.

I’m also very…very short on money right now.  I only make a little money and apparently it costs around $100 every time you apply to a schools graduate program. So if I apply to four schools that’s $400…$400 that come out of my groceries, and bill payments. I have to pay my bills this week. I’m pretty sure it was a set fee back when I was in high school. You paid $100 for a total of three university applications. Why do they think that suddenly these same students are making millions of dollars four years later? I think I had more money when I was in high school. I didn’t spend money on anything but books. I didn’t have to pay rent, and pay for my heat and hydro. I didn’t buy my own groceries either. It wasn’t like I had to budget $100 every month for food and such. I also didn’t have to clean up after my roommates…who continue to do things that they agreed they wouldn’t do before I selected them as roommates.

I’m definitely considering living on my own next year. I don’t have to worry about anyone else’s mess. I can shower without pulling back the curtain and finding God knows what. My kitchen won’t smell like rotting meat, and since I’m the only person who lives here who knows how to take out the trash…and to use a trash can…then I won’t need to worry about people not pulling their weight. Too bad rent is expensive and it’s easier to divide it up between four people. Seriously…this is a pain in the butt.

Anyway, I have class soon so I’d better finish up my breakfast.

I hope everyone is surviving this weird weather.

Till next time,

–R.