“Cough, Cough, Cough, HICCUP! Ow….”

I’ve lost a ton of sleep recently due to this stupid cough. To make matters worse, I had the hiccups the over night…and one doesn’t know pain until they’ve hiccuped and coughed at the same time. I feel like I’ve been doing some serious ab workouts for the last 24 hours.

I tried to take a nap earlier today to catch up on some sleep but I kept coughing…so instead I had left over turkey and stuffing and have been watching cartoons. I made some tea…it’s kind of helping to sooth my throat. I’ve also been sucking on those Fisherman’s Friend lozenges. My Dad had a ton at home so my Mom gave me them to take back to my place.

I can’t wait to move out of here. Only a few things left to pack. I can’t believe it’s over…four years went by pretty quick. I guess it was the same with high school. It all kind of zips by and the next thing you know you’ve gotta find a real job so that you can pay your bills.

I wish this stupid cough would go away. I really wanna be able to get a good nights rest. I didn’t fall asleep until 1 am last night…and even then I kept waking up coughing. Not to mention I have a group project that involves me talking to do and my voice keeps coming and going as it pleases.

As for my writing and stuff, as soon as my exams are finished I’m back to work. I’ve taken too long of a break from my projects. There’s a lot I want to do. I feel like I can write some stuff out a lot better now that I’ve experienced more…I mean at least the stuff I’ve experienced in my 22 years of life. I’ve only really been an “adult” for a little while. I’ve still got my training wheels on…I probably will until after I have kids. Honestly I don’t think being an adult gets any easier, parents probably just get really good at faking that they’ve got everything under control. That’s my theory.

Yep…until exams are done I’ll probably do more drawing. It’s relaxing…and honestly it’s just a nice way to unwind after a long day. To draw…ink and colour while listening to some of my favourite tunes…it always puts me in the best mood.

Anyway I can’t stop coughing so I’m gonna end this post here…and pray that I feel better soon. This really hurts….

–R.

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Then Silence

From within the shrill scream there was silence.

Silence pulled the trigger—

Bam!

Shot dead, straight into the head—

And was there in the end.

Still shrieking in darkness,

Blood bubbling but never reaching,

The thoughts ceased and the body released,

And the legs trembled,

And there were violent gasps for breath.

“Air! I need air!”

In a whirl of emotion,

Where there is no place to grasp.

No safety.

Only screaming,

Then silence.


O. Ryder.

Nov. 27th, 2016.

Welcome to November!

I’m grateful for the week I had off from classes, because without it I feel as though I’d be a complete mess right now. I just kept saying to myself, “It’s almost reading break. It’s coming. The end is near. Just three essays, two exams and you’re free!” and somehow I managed to survive.

I kept getting sick during that time. I think I was so stressed and overwhelmed that my body began to react. I had constant headaches, and nausea. Never happened to me before…but after all of the stuff I’ve been through since last April…boy. I’m lucky I didn’t just snap and tear my hair out.

I managed to do a lot of writing and artwork over the break. I even got to work on my music, which was a lot of fun. I enjoy goofing around with my piano and guitar when I think no one is home…my sister screamed, “Shut up!” after about fifteen minutes. I was jokingly singing Chandelier…but it turned into a screamo edition and I sang “I want to screeeeeeam!” instead of “I want to swing.”

Anyway, you probably didn’t need to know that but basically I’m doing a lot better. I don’t feel like I’m a zombie anymore, I haven’t had any nausea or headaches, and things have been a lot less stressful back home. Plus, now school is settling down a bit…it’ll be busy again in a week or two but at least right now I can pace myself and get my head in the right place.

I guess I’d never been so stressed out in my life. I let it all build up from April. I refused to let myself crack…and then finally I just broke down. Which sucks because here and there I was finding myself slowly crumbling after trying to build myself back up. That’s why I’m glad that I had a week where I didn’t have to worry so much about school, or friends or anything and I could just catch up on sleep, draw and write and relax. I needed that break. I know if I had kept trying to push myself I’d have completely shut down. I usually try to be a very optimistic person but that side of me just vanished. I feel a lot more like myself these days. I’m goofing around with my friends again, I’m reading in my spare time (even though all I do is read for class), and I’ve set some goals for myself that I’d like to meet by my last exam date in December.

So, November I welcome you with open arms. I’m in good spirits despite the cold weather and the rain. Although I tend to write a lot of very depressing poetry in the winter (according to my creative writing professor), I will try to write something…warm and fuzzy. Not corny. Warm and fuzzy. Like…a nice blanket or a fluffy animal or some sort.

This was longer than usual.

Till next time,

— R.

 

“What’s it mean when somebodies heart is broken?” – Curly.T

Trying to explain what it means to have a broken heart to a child is extremely difficult. They think of it like a broken bone, something that you can see and mend…however in reality broken hearts are hidden within us, beneath our outer shells.

Sure, some of us have hearts that aren’t very strong, or don’t work they way they should…but we don’t say our hearts our broken when they’re off beat or they burst out of control. We say they’re under attack.

Until today, I never realized how we view our hearts. When I think of my heart, I think of a vessel pumping in my chest but I also think of the vast emotions that I feel and the memories associated with them. I wonder why our hearts feel as though they clench whenever we’re in pain? Or why they race rapidly when we’re nervous, or why our hearts flutter whenever we’re in love?

I don’t think a broken heart can be properly explained. It is one of those things that you have to feel to actually understand…and for the little girl who asked, I hope she doesn’t feel that sort of pain for a very, very long time…even though it is a necessary feeling that we all need in order to grow.

–R.

Busy Day

It was pretty busy at work today. I finally got the smell of grease off me…my feet hurt.

Hope everyone is having a great week! I promise that will post something more interesting updates about my day at work!

I can’t exactly talk about my day…but it was busy. We had a few technical difficulties. Our customers were so amazing. I met some pretty cool people today.

I’d better get to bed soon. I have to work almost a full day tomorrow.

Bye!

O. Ryder/

My lip has been…

My lip has been bleeding for two days now. No one needed to know this but I thought I’d share. Sharing is caring after all….

Orion is sleepy and will be lying in bed watching cartoons until dinnertime because that’s how we do it here in…what am I saying?

😝 This face reminds me of Annoying Orange. Is that actually a show now, on…err…Teletoon (Cartoon Network)?

 

As I Sit Amongst My Peers: 9/11

As I sit amongst my peers, I remain silent. My eyes wander aimlessly. I find myself staring at the neatly written words at the top of the board: that was when I was reminded. Today is 9/11.

                When the events happened 12 years ago I was too young to understand. Still I do my best to be respectful of those who lost their lives in that tragedy.

                I then find myself, thinking about life itself, and how fragile it can be. My thoughts bounce back and forth: do I fear death? No. Am I afraid of anything…? I used to be. As time passes, I simply wonder about many things. Why did they put up new buildings at ground zero? Are those buildings being used? Does anyone despise them? How did it feel knowing you’d never see your loved ones again…I knew how it felt, losing many loved ones recently that summer, but I wasn’t close with them. What would I do if I lost someone so dear to me? Honestly, I don’t know.

                I’m not an American, nor was I old enough to remember the events of 9/11…but for all of those who suffered from this tragic event, I wish you peace and I am very sorry for what happened.

                Personally, I believe these new buildings represent bravery, from overcoming a large obstacle, as well as closure for those who had lost someone, and most of all these buildings represent a new beginning.

                Well…that’s all. I just thought I’d share that today.

Till next time,

Orion.