Just finished my exam…gah. This cold is really starting to get on my nerves. I could barely think straight and unfortunately I had to be that jerk who sniffles and coughs every other minute. Yikes…I’m just glad it’s over.
That’s it for this semester. I can work on MY stuff again. No more teachers, no more books…oh right I’m pretty much a teacher now huh. Guess I can’t say that. I can barely remember how that saying goes.
There are these really awesome mugs at Chapters right now that are for teachers and I really want one, but like I’m just starting teachers college. I mean…I’m a teacher in training right? I can totally have a mug. I taught singing lessons before…and I do tutoring and stuff. I’m basically a teacher already. I think I should get a mug for my graduation present. This is a hint. You know who you are. Graduation. Mug. Chapters. The one I held up and shoved in your face and was like “YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR PARENTS TO BUY ME THIS” even though we have the same parents. I mean YOU kid. It is your duty to make sure I get that mug okay? Don’t fail me friend…or you will be demoted back to normal sibling status.
Everyone else reading can ignore that…ha…ha…ha….I haven’t slept properly in like two weeks and had to wake up early this morning for my exam even though I couldn’t sleep all night. I think I’ll have lunch and go to bed now. This post is just getting sloppy eh?
Oh no my inner Canadian has been unleashed! EHHHHHHH!
I have problems….I think this stupid cold thingy is messing with my brain or something. I’m laughing waaaaay too much. This is how I type when I’m talking to my buddies. I don’t have many friends actually. My best friends consist of my siblings and my six year old niece. I’m very popular…with elementary schoolers. I’m the teacher that draws stuff. Cats, people, cars, pizza…I’m that teacher. They think I’m lying that I’m not a famous artist. I’ve never won an art competition. My sister did. Twice. She writes comics. She’s a cool kid. She might be 10% cooler than me which is hard to admit…but I’m really nerdy and spend my time eating cereal and watching cartoons…while she watches people livestream stuff. Livestreaming is cool I guess…but people always stream when I’m in class for some reason. Least the people I care to watch. I’m totally almost a full fledged adult cause I can cook for myself…like real food…like I can make steak and potatoes and stuff….and I know how to clean stuff both properly and the cheat way that you clean when your parents are suddenly dropping by…and I do laundry good and I can like buy groceries and stuff. I’m like almost an adult. I just don’t want to be that adult like yet. Like being an adult is so much work. Like I’m not supposed to start every sentence with like. And I can start sentences with and because that’s bad grammar but you know what I have a degree thingy now that says I know how to read and write good so HA! I can start sentences with and and but and all the three letter words of disapproval that would’ve gotten me really bad marks if someone was marking them and stuff. And I can say STUFF! WOO! School is over. SCHOOL IS DONE…and…and guess what? GUESS WHAT!
I have pizza.
Um…so the author of this blog has totally lost their marbles…and will be needing a mental break for like the next 24 hours before…as in they should eat, sleep and get their sanity back for the rest of the day. This is what happens when you’re over stressed and then the stressful stuff is finally over.
–R (the still sane portion…the other half of me…my alter ego…yah they left the moment they remembered that they made pizza last night and have leftovers)
Why is everything so colourful…?
I just started watching a new show called Orange. It’s under the 2016 Summer Anime list, if anyone is wonder. It got me thinking about this project I did back when I was 16, where we had to write a letter addressed to our past selves. I can remember giving my 13 year old self a huge lecture on how I should have been more out going and less occupied with what others thought about me. At 16, I thought that I knew everything. My parents still say that I think I know everything, and that I enjoy correcting people (mostly my mother). My mom thinks I’m egotistical due to the fact that I’m a musician. I couldn’t deny it because there are days when I spend hours just looking at myself…and I do take a lot of selfies (I don’t share them anywhere).
To be honest I think what happened was, after being a moody 13 year old with a low self-esteem, I went to high school and decided I no longer cared if I wasn’t with the in-crowd. As you can see, I’m no longer ashamed to admit that I watch anime. One of my closest childhood friends from when I was 3 or 4 was from Japan, and so they used to buy me animes on VHS. No I don’t call myself an otaku. Yes I also read manga, but I enjoy comics in general (Archie anyone? Gotta love Jughead). So basically, to get back on topic, I realized that just because my hobbies have always consisted of writing, watching anime and music didn’t mean that I had to hide it from people. I figured, if people liked me for who I was then that was great. It was stupid trying to lie about what shows I watched and what sports I liked when I wasn’t really into any of that. While all my friends played football (American), I was more interested in pretending I was a Jedi knight…or petting the stray cat that liked to visit us at recess.
So I suppose my 16 year old self had a reason to be so harsh towards my 13 year old self. The thing is, looking back now, being 13 and 16 was equally stressful and I went through experiences that…well at the time made me feel like the sky was falling. Now that I’m considered an adult (who drinks mountain dew instead of beer and uses a starwars cup while using the worlds best Spiderman bookmark), I think I can say that I’ve realized that each part of my life is a new challenge. It seems hard at the time but once I get over it, it feels like it was a breeze.
From my first time being extremely jealous to my first date. My first experience with death to my first time holding a new baby. From bad grades to bulking down. From writing an entire novel without chapters or page numbers to becoming more organized and actually planning things out. The big and the small, all molded me into the somewhat adult I am today…although all the 16 year olds I work with think I’m the same age.
So, I’m not sure what I would say to myself at ages 13 or 16…or even to myself ten years from now when I’m 30. Wow…I’ll be 30 some day. Hopefully I have my life in order by then. To be honest I feel like I got myself where I need to be now. I try not to lie awake at night regretting the decisions I’ve made in the past. I try not to ponder the future too much either these days. Kind of makes me feel a little down…knowing that certain people won’t be with me anymore. All I can do is keep going forward. If YOLO taught me anything in high school it was that I should spend more time laughing and less time fighting. I should make time for friends and family. I should go into a career that I know I will love and will give me the most fulfilment. I shouldn’t jump the gun on decisions, and I shouldn’t put them off too long either. I shouldn’t think too much, and I should know when to take the time to think. I should step outside of my comfort zone, and I shouldn’t be afraid to stand my ground. If this were a letter to my past self or the person I’ll be when I’m 30…I’d probably say “You’re doing great. Just remember right now is a challenge but once you get over this hill, you’ll find the next will be a little easier to climb.”
We reflect on our past in order to create a better future.
Remembering the #MontrealMassacre