For Your Convenience

You might think that it’s cool to ignore me for  several weeks at a time, until its convenient for you but its not. You’re just so busy all the time, getting your hands into everything that you miss out on things that are way more important than the twenty things you have to do before eleven o’clock at night. Plus, while you’re out there keeping your calendar filled, you neglect the people and instead complete the tasks.

I feel a little bad, because I have a feeling that you assume I’ll be around when you’ve got time in your busy schedule. I won’t be. Sure, I’m a patient person but I’m not waiting around for someone who doesn’t give me the time of day.

Perhaps you think I didn’t “support” you as much as I should’ve. Well, I supported. Not once did you give any support back. I doubt you even took much interest in learning about what I like to do, since you seem to forget entire conversations in which I told you about myself, however I’m still able to recall what it is you’ve got to do on that busy schedule of yours. Luckily I didn’t get attached to you, or else this would be a huge mess.

Anyway, I’d kindly like to get on with my life, like I’ve been doing since January, without you popping up every couple of weeks asking me for favours. I’m not here for your convenience. If I do something nice for you its because I don’t want to seem like a huge jerk and not because I have feelings for you. Actually, we didn’t even spend enough time together for me to actually figure out how I felt about you. I don’t even know if we’re supposed to break up since you’re the only person I’ve dated, but since we weren’t “going steady” I’m assuming that I’m free to do as I please without breaking the news to you. It’s not like you had time for me anyway, because hanging out for an hour apparently takes up too much time. It should be pretty obvious that there is basically no relationship here what-so-ever.

I’d really like it if you could just stop. Its cool that you like to work and what not, but when you’re too busy for your friends and ultimately too busy for your education and other obligations then something is wrong. I wish you the best, and hope that you’ll learn to leave some blank spaces on your calendar. I’m don’t hate you and I’m not angry either, I just don’t want to be someone’s convenience anymore. I shouldn’t have, had to of been putting in all of the effort to make this work.

Well, have a good life and all. I’ll probably see you around in classes and stuff…hopefully you have time to show up.

Seriously…I don’t hate you and I wish you’d stop acting like I did you wrong. We weren’t even close to being in an actual steady relationship and we’ve barely interacted since December. It’s March now. I don’t know what I should feel guilty about?

Anyway, peace out. I have things to do like eat yogurt, drink lemon-lime Gatorade and go meet some cool kids at the library.


Hey everyone,

I don’t really like to rant on here, but I didn’t want to go ranting to my friends and family about this for a second time this week. This whole situation has just been bugging me, and I needed to get it off my chest before I started cracking down on my essays and prepping for exams. Better to clear the mind than to keep it cluttered, and this is coming from the kid who got called “Pack-rat” in grade one for having the messiest desk.

Have a great week. Enjoy the sunshine.

— R.

 

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Cleaning My Room

The other day I decided to start cleaning out my room. As a kid (well I still am a kid but that’s besides the point), I would hoard old school work, random notes I wrote to myself as reminders, torn socks that my parents constantly told me to throw out, and several short stories that I never want another soul to read (really bad fan-fictions). After tossing the things I’d hoarded from grades four to eleven off of my book shelf, I almost felt…free. It was as if those memories of bad report cards, and rants about fights I had with my friends were gone. I’d let go of all the things that seemed to occasionally pop back into my life and cause me to remember those somewhat depressing childhood memories (I was bullied in early elementary school).
The reason I had to clean off my bookshelf in the first place, was because one of the shelves had fallen due to all the weight it was under.
I guess you could the bookshelf was a metaphor, it was representing all things I was holding on to that were putting some sort of pressure on me.
Now that those things are gone, I’m no longer under that pressure. I am light as a feather, and I’m ready to begin a new stage in my life.
Today, I started emptying out my dresser. I got the same feeling again but yet, somehow it was a little different. I was almost excited to toss the old clothes from my drawers and onto my bed. I was practically flinging them around, and I started building a mountain out of them. I even quoted Jay Gatsby, from the novel by F. Scott Fitzgerald, “I have a man who sends me shirts from Europe.” I was actually enjoying the release.
When I was younger, I used to dread having to clean my room but now it seems as though it is another sign that I’m growing up. Growing up means, letting go, and as I’ve also learned recently sometimes means saying goodbye. However, though goodbye is a sad thing, it’s never forever. Letting go, and moving on are all apart of life. If you never move on, you’ll never mature, and you’ll never grow.
I sound so old…I guess life does that to you. I still can’t believe I learned this just by cleaning my room.