The Ramblings of an Over Tired Writer

I’ve been really tired lately…and I know that it’s probably my own fault. I don’t sleep. I crawl into bed at night, and I read. I don’t know when I end up going to bed most of the time. It’s pretty bad. I hate feeling tired.

I can’t keep my eyes open and I’m bleeding for some odd reason. Who knew such a small cut would gush out so much blood? It stings too. I felt like a baby trying to clean it out.

I want to go back to bed. I want to be a responsible adult. Decisions, decisions. If I go back to sleep who knows if I’ll be up and ready to go by twelve or eleven o’clock? Besides, I’m already dressed.

I honestly can’t fall asleep without reading these days. Even if I’m tired, I stay up and I read for an hour or two. If I don’t I just lie there and stare at walls, or memorize the patterns on my pillow case.

Writing about not sleeping is making me feel sleepy.

I really just want to stay home but I know if I do I’ll regret it. I’m that person who will think on a decision for hours upon hours. That’s probably why I’m always lying in bed thinking. Sometimes I just end up in a mood where I don’t really feel like doing anything at all. Then I’ll sleep for half the day and later beat myself up for wasting time.

Last night before falling asleep I was thinking about how great it would be if I never got tired, and I could just be awake all the time. I’d get so many things done. I seem to always want to do everything around 8pm. You’d think I’d learn that it’s easier to work during the day time.

Maybe I will go back to bed for an hour? At this rate I really don’t feel like running around trying to get stuff done before my lab. Not to mention I can’t really keep my eyes open. I need to fix my sleep schedule. I really need  set bedtime. I have morning classes. I’ll need to be in class at 9am for the rest of the week. Thank goodness I don’t have many classes this semester.

I think I’m just burnt out after working two jobs all summer and from last school years mess of events…. I was beyond stressed. I don’t know how I got through all of that. I guess being stupidly optimistic about things is a good trait…always trying to see the bright side of every situation. Still…I can’t help but feel that all traits have binaries. There’s a good and bad side to everything. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately when creating characters. I realize that the their strengths are  also their flaws. For example, say there’s a character named Alfonse…just because I wanna give them a name…anyway Alfonse is a very passionate and dedicated person. Although those sound like good traits, they can also be bad. Sometimes passion drives us to do things that we later regret…and sometimes we dedicate ourselves to things that in reality weren’t worth all of the blood, sweat and tears we put into it. Optimistic people are always trying to keep things bright and full of energy but when it isn’t good to always turn a blind eye to your current situation. Sometimes we are given certain challenges so that we can grow. If you keep avoiding everything, or sugar-coating your situation, you won’t grow and it will slowly become something that you’re unable to control. People who are empathetic, tend to carry too much on their shoulders. They’re constantly trying to fix things while they fall apart themselves.

I don’t really know how I went from talking about sleep to my strange thought process…but these are the types of things that pop into my head whenever I try to fall asleep. Even now, before I close my laptop and throw a blanket over my head, I’ll probably end up thinking “Why did I go back to sleep? I could’ve finished all of this stuff by now. Why did I waste all this time? I hate when I do this….” I’m glad I don’t take any medication to help me sleep. I’m a light sleeper…but I love to dream…that is when I do sleep. Dreams are interesting. I guess if I’m dreaming then I am awake even when I’m asleep. I see things. I go places. I get a lot done. Sometimes I’m sad when I wake up from a good dream. It’s like you live this different life and then BAM, you’re back in reality.

 

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Falling Asleep

Although I enjoy my new job, balancing my fulltime and part-time jobs is tiring. I find myself falling asleep at the end of the day, and wishing that I had more energy. I haven’t had much time for editing either. It doesn’t help that I’m driving into the city for work everyday. It’s three hours of my life in the car. I don’t know if I’ve ever spent over three hours sleeping before. I’m one of those people that wakes up a few times in the night. Strangely, I’m able to nap during the day no problem.

The good thing about my job is that my students are wonderful. They’ve been having a lot of fun, and they make every single day worth it.

Hopefully now that I’ve finished up some of my lesson plans I can get some rest.

Work? Sleep?

I can’t believe that after having two days straight of work, work, work…all I’ve done today is make French Toast and watch videos.

I actually have plans. I have things to do. Where did the time go? It’s 3 o’clock already! I need to get to work!

I just wanna sleep. My throats still bugging me…I really hope I don’t have a cold. Yesterday my headache was so bad, I don’t know how I went from 6 am to 10 pm. Welcome to the world of, working two jobs. I actually got offered a third today. I had to turn it down. It was good money too…like…more than I’m making at my new job and my new job pays me a couple of cents more than my old one. Like…they were gonna give me a whole $2 more! Oh well…there’s always next summer. I can’t afford to quit my old job because of school fees.

I like it…I do…but the stress last year nearly pushed me over the edge. I’m so glad 2016 is gone. 2017 has been really good to me.

Hopefully this year I’ll be able to achieve some of my goals. There are things that I really want to do, and I’m seriously putting in the work. Soon, my parents won’t be able say, “You’ve been talking about this book for the last 10 years! Publish something!” because I’ll have published. Yep. Then I can go, “IN YOUR FACE!” like I used to when I beat my sister in Mario Kart.

Yah…I stopped saying it because after that she beat the game backwards. Betcha didn’t know that you could play the levels backwards. She got all gold too. Never mess with Ness.

Ha…that should be on a t-shirt.

–R.

Good News

So yesterday I received  news that I got the job I’d applied for…but not only did I get the job, they gave me a position higher than the one I’d applied for because of the references I gave them.

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I’m really excited for the training and the experience. I know that this is going to be a great opportunity for me, and will benefit me in the near future.

I also managed to add in a scene to my novel that I’d been trying to work out in my head for a couple of weeks now. It took a while but I got it to fit. I also managed to get some really good feedback on it, and edited it accordingly. I really enjoyed the scene honestly. I think it’s pretty intense, and adds more perspective to the situation at hand. Before, the situation didn’t seem as urgent but now it’s like “Oh no! We gotta do something!”

OMG

Yah, I’m feeling pretty blessed right now. Things were pretty rough a while back and in merely a couple of hours all that stress just disappeared. Soon, I’ll be going on a trip to the city, where I’ll be…doing a lot of nerdy stuff, but hey it’s my thing. Some people collect wine, some people are sports fanatics…I like cartoons and anime.

If you like anime or you just like more action thriller type shows I recommend 91 Days. It’s seriously underrated and I’m definitely going to watch it again.

Anyway, I’m supposed to be editing write now but I’ve had a pretty bad headache since yesterday so I think I’m gonna go back to bed for a little bit. Maybe a half hour or so…cause right now despite being in a great mood my body is telling me I need to take it easy. Maybe I can convince my sister to go for a walk later. A bit of fresh air might help. I have a ton of stuff to get done today though…regarding my new job that is. I’ll have it done this afternoon…just have to set up my scanner and what not. I know it’s out of ink though. My printer/scanner is stupid. If it runs out of ink…say it runs out of the yellow one? I can’t print in black and white. I can’t print at all. I can’t scan either. Scanning an image onto my computer has NOTHING to do with printing and using ink. I never said, “Scan and photocopy.” It’s seriously getting on my nerves. I really don’t want to spend anymore money. It was hard enough trying to save up for this trip…never lend people money. It’s nice to help people and all…but I really don’t think I’m going to lend money to anyone again…especially not family. For some reason family members like to take advantage of your kindness…and abuse it more than friends do. Most of the friends I’ve had who tried to abuse my kindness…we aren’t friends anymore. The moment I stopped being nice, they got upset. Oh well. Anyway, don’t lend people money, and don’t get mad if they don’t in a months time because they obviously never had any intention of giving you your money back. Just…trust me.

Yah…I need to curl up into a ball and sleep for a bit. I considered having a light breakfast but I don’t even want to get off my butt. I hate sleeping in. I feel like I’ve wasted so much of the day when I do…but I really need to lay down.

Till next time,

–R.

School…Stuff…Woo…

There are many nights where I’m sitting around trying to finish and assignment…and then the blasted word count gets me. Honestly, there is only so much a person can say about the symbolism of a particular object within a text. I just want to slam my face down into the mattress and let this bed swallow me whole.

More Nanowrimo Updates

Last night I was up until 3 am writing. I honestly couldn’t stop. I must’ve spent the entire evening working. I guess not working on anything other than essays for a month let all my creativity and imagination build up. I haven’t been able to keep my hands away from a blank page all week. Its incredible.

So its 10 am now. I don’t really know how much sleep I got, nor do I really care. I’m a night owl and a rooster. Up all hours of the day if required. I enjoy sleeping, but whenever I sleep in I feel as though I’ve wasted my day.

The plan right now is to do some character designs, as I’ve finally fleshed out another group of characters.

I’ve got homework to get done today as well, so I’ll probably alternate between the two. Hopefully I don’t get absorbed into my writing and forget about the important work I need to do.

 

Break

I just finished my midterm exams, and I’m now on my long-awaited break. I’ve seriously needed this…I’ve been under so much stress lately, it’s been effecting my health. Now I have this time at home to catch up on sleep, do my homework and get myself back into my usual schedule. I’m just glad that I was able to write my exams without completely losing it. I haven’t slept well in about four weeks….these last two nights I’ve slept like a baby.

So, I’ve been doing character designs recently for one of the novels I’ve been working away at. I’ve found it really relaxing lately, as I was so focused on writing essays I didn’t really get the chance to do any of my own work.

Anyway, I’ll try to post some more while I’m home. Hopefully I start to feel better. My stomachs been bugging me all week…not sure why. I did have a fever a while back and some people said that it hits you, and then the bug comes back once you think its gone…so I’m just praying that it isn’t coming back because I’d really like to do something this week other than lie in bed.

Till next time,

— R.

My Favourite Insomniac

I’m currently feeling exhausted…which makes me want to write about my favourite insomniac, who has so far received 30 pages of sleepless nights, pizza and Lacrimosa on repeat. However this is a rewrite/expansion of a short story I began back in high school. Actually I entered it into a local competition. Obviously I didn’t win, or else I would have shared that story here on my blog. I hadn’t mastered the short story then to be honest. I’ve managed to get the hang of it though, thanks to years and years of practice.

Maybe I’ll sleep. Maybe I won’t. I mean…I just got back to my place, but I’ve been tired since yesterday. It is weird how every time I feel sleepy I feel like working on this novel. Its sort of something I’ve been writing on the side, so I don’t necessarily know when it will be complete, but I actually really like the characters. Ha…I end up loving all my characters, even the jerks. Eh…I think I will take a nap. I don’t have anything else to do right now. Not going out anywhere.

— R.

She Strikes Again

I knew that approximately thirty minutes after I settled into bed, she’d barge into my room whimpering. After a while, you just know these things.

She never wants to sleep all by herself. Even if you give her every known nightlight in the house, a mountain of stuffed animals and the world’s most comfortable pillows she’ll still insist. She could be out like a light, sleeping through the shouting fans, the blaring television and the gentle hum of the dryer. Still, she would wait until you’re settled into bed, just beginning to shut your eyes and then she would run to your room, begging for you to stay with her until she falls asleep.

Eventually one just gives in to the demands of the ever persistent four year old.

Hopefully I can actually get a decent amount of sleep tonight. We’ll see.

Goodnight/morning again,

— R and Princess Curly Top.