Books, Writing, Moving

Being back home has been really great. I feel less stressed and I can see my goals clearly mapped out in front of me.

I’m still unpacking my stuff, since I just moved out of my apartment, but I’m ready to get writing again. I have so many ideas bouncing around in my head. I really just want to get them down on paper.

I have a few used/new books that I need to sell…because my shelf is overflowing with them and I need space for my new books. Plus some of these books I didn’t want, but was forced to buy for school. My school doesn’t buy back novels. It’s pretty annoying. They took my textbook back though.

Yep…so I’m just trying to find somewhere to sell my books at the moment. Hopefully I can figure that out this afternoon. I’d like to get them listed or in a shop somewhere as soon as possible. Firstly, I need the extra cash and secondly I just really can’t stand all the clutter in the house right now. There’s just way too much stuff. I need to make room for new things not only in my house but in my life…and I feel like my personal spaces are a reflection of what’s going on in my life.

Anyway, since the weather is beautiful today I’d really like to get out of the house for a bit. It rained yesterday while I was out, and it was pretty gloomy.

I may not post a novel update for a little while, as I’m doing some review and editing stuff once I get my stuff unpacked and organized. I will try to post an update soon, but it will be when I’ve made a good amount of progress. As I know right now the people helping me edit and such fell a little behind due to personal circumstances, so I’m just trying my best to be patient and work on other things until I get their feedback.

Until next time,

–R.

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Fight or Flight

There are times when it feels like the whole world is against you. You fall, you get back up. You fall again, harder than before but somehow you manage to stand on your feet again. You doubt yourself, you contemplate, you become your own worst enemy and yet you continue to stand, and deal with what’s in front of you.

At times you try to run away but you realize that it only makes things more difficult. One obstacle becomes two. The more you run the more you have to face. You wonder if there’s even a point of turning around, of charging through the mess you’ve made. Anything seems better than what you’re going through now.

You can either face the monsters you’ve created or you can continue to run from them. It’s not easy brushing yourself off every time, standing up to fight. How many times can a person get back in the ring? How many mountains can someone climb? How far can we run? It’s difficult to tell.

–R.

Nanowrimo

Since, I already finished writing my novel, I think I’ll continue with my editing during Nanowrimo. I’ve also been debating working on my other writing projects that I’ve temporarily put on hold due to…well…business.

I’m tired. I don’t like to admit it, but I am. I have three practices a week for two different things. One practice runs 7 hours. My legs are sore from training. I have placement in between two of my practices, and my only real free day is Sunday. Now I have to begin preparing for another assignment and I have a test this week. Probably tomorrow. I didn’t check. I still need to study. I wouldn’t say I’m under as much stress as I was last year but I’m definitely still busy. I enjoy the things I’m doing…mostly. Part of me just wants to graduate already. Some days I want time to slow down and others, I wish it would zip by. I’d love it if I could fast forward to the end of April. However…I’d still be training and practicing but I’d be doing something I enjoy.

I have so many things that I need to get done. I’m running a school club, going to rehearsals, training, studying, writing, editing…I’m supposed to be exercising outside of my training too. I have a practicum starting today so there’s that too. I’m just praying I get a good group. I want to be as helpful as I can.

Now I have a stomach ache…for some weird reason. Was it the apple I ate or the brownies? I shouldn’t eat brownies for breakfast. I know better. I need to go grocery shopping. Can people get stomach aches from being stressed? I should think about what I want to have for lunch later so that I don’t end up eating a whole bunch of junk. I’m thinking I’ll make burgers for dinner tonight. I like burgers.

I feel like I’m trying to juggle all of the different areas of my life. Responsibilities, hobbies, school, work. I always think back to what my dad told me, which is that a person doesn’t have to do just one thing. However, I know that because of what I’m doing I need to separate these things. I can do them all, and enjoy myself but because of one of my career paths, I need to be careful of the choices I make.

If I didn’t have class today I’d just sleep. Yesterday I forced my sister to tag along with me while I looked for new track pants. I never ended up buying any. They were all over priced. I got a good chicken souvlaki pita though. I really just needed to get out of the house. I felt like I wasn’t able to do anything for myself all week. I also realized that I’d be busy two weekends in a row this month and figured I might as well do something while I have the chance.

I’ve been missing out on fun stuff, like open mics and school events. It isn’t that I’m not having fun in my classes or at my practices…it’s just that…I don’t know. Like, I can’t even go home to visit my folks on the weekend anymore because I have to train on Saturdays. When I go home, I feel like I can relax and I don’t need to worry about anything at all. I’m free to lounge around the house, or go for a run or hang out with my friends.

The last time I hung out with my friends was in May. May. May. May….

Wow….

I guess it’s because I don’t have classes with my school friends. The only person I have to hang out with is my sister. Not that it’s a bad thing…we get along. It’s just kind of lonely. I miss sitting in the pub with my buds, eating mac n cheese and talking about stupid, pointless things. Stupid pointless conversations may not be worth repeating but they sure are good memories. I occasionally try to visit one of my friends at work. My other friends already graduated because they were a year older…and one of my closest friends dropped out and due to all the stuff they’ve been through since then I don’t think they’ll be coming back anytime soon. Things are just…weird.

I’ve actually wished that I had enough money so that I could pay my way through school and not have to worry about grades. Right now some of my classes are making me feel…kind of…blue. I guess I feel blue a lot these days, even though I try hard to be optimistic. It’s not even that I’m sad or depressed…it’s more that I just feel like if I could fall asleep for two days straight it would be awesome. I’ve had days were I’ve showered and dressed and I’m ready to go out and then decided I’d rather stay home and do nothing. I just change back into my pjs and go to sleep. I’ll lie in bed for hours.

I’ve tried setting earlier alarms, and waking up at the same time everyday. I’ve tried organizing my tasks. Maybe I just need a vacation?

Vacations are nice.

Well, I hope that Nanowrimo is going well for everyone. I’ll be doing my best. Exams are coming up very soon so I’ll probably be getting ready for that. Joy. So fun. I actually like exams just…thinking about marks right now is stressful. I’d rather pretend I’m not even in school right now…but what good will that do? Running away from things that seem stressful has never helped anyone.

Next time I’ll try not to whine some much,

–R.

School and the Cost of Books

Taking a break is nice. I like to relax for a little while and let myself recharge. Especially when it comes to school, since early February can be a very busy time for assignments and such.

I hate to admit it but I spent more time goofing around and reading comic books, than getting ahead in my work. Honestly, I wish I had made the decision to get ahead in my readings but I didn’t like the books we were currently doing for school, and I wanted to take a break from reading novels. Being an English Major takes the fun out of books. A large majority of my classmates agree with me. There is a difference in being allowed to choose what you want to read versus being told what you have to read and not only do you have to read it, you have to tear it apart and find all the possible metaphors, and focus on the ideas behind the text…. Let’s make reading fun again? Can’t we do it where we study a book for a month, and really go into depth with it? Rather than cramming an entire novel in one week? I had books I was interested in reading, but couldn’t get to because I had to read a book I absolutely hated for an essay due the same week. The thing with English is that as long as you’re attending class, you can get a rough idea of what the book is about (depending on your professor).

Thinking about reading shouldn’t make me cringe. It should make me excited, like it used to when I was a kid. I still love to go to Chapters and browse, but now I find that I’m leaning more towards buying comics because it doesn’t drain me. Most of the time I finish them within a half hour. It doesn’t bother me that I finish them quickly, but I don’t feel the need to rush my reading, and I don’t feel as though I am obligated to continue with a book that I’m not enjoying.

I have several novels that I’ve either bought for pleasure or that have given to me as gifts, and I haven’t had then chance to read any of them.

Sometimes if a book for school doesn’t interest me, I don’t even bother purchasing it from our bookstore because it costs too much money. I can’t justify buying a novel that is $30. I have bills to pay, and I need to eat. I try to find some of the books at Chapters and for some reason they never have them in stock. I find this a bit strange…and of course, I have more own theories as to why this is, but it is possible that it is just that these books are unpopular.

At least when one is studying Shakespeare, it is easy to get access to his work online, as it is free to the public domain. It doesn’t cost a penny. If I don’t already own the play, I can pull it up and read it, or watch/listen to a performance on YouTube. I don’t have to worry about missing anything, and I don’t feel any sort of stress because I didn’t have the money to spend on the play.

I can’t understand how they can charge so much for books? The textbooks that my sister purchased are around $100 each. She needed about four of them for the entire year. With English and Language studies, they make you purchase several books between $20 and $30, weekly and or biweekly, in order to get the same amount of money out of you that they would with someone in Business, Psychology or Mathematics. It’s ridiculous the amount that they charge us for books on top of our classes, and for many first year students, on top of their residence fees.

As students, we shouldn’t have to worry about whether or not we should spend our $100 monthly budget on food or books.

The reason that myself, and many other students that I have spoken to about this, have stopped purchasing all of our books at the beginning of the year is because one cannot guarantee whether or not they will get their money’s worth out of the book. Why am I going to purchase a $60 Anthology on 20th Century British Literature, when I only need to read 3 pages of the entire textbook? Why would I spend $25 on a novel that I have will not have time to read, and may possible dread if there will be approximately 15 novels throughout the entirety of the course and I will have to option to write on at least 10 of them for the exam? Of course I’m going to choose buying food and paying my rent over spending a ridiculous amount of money on books that I may not read.

This is why it is easier to buy one or two books at a time for my courses, versus getting all of them at once. On top of that, you don’t get you $400 back. I attempted to return my books to our school bookstore last year, and got $42 for them. Many of the books they wouldn’t take back because they weren’t sure if they’d be used next year. For books that I had spent over $20, I may have only received 10 cents for them. Some I got a $1 or $2 for. It was ridiculous. From now on, I feel as though it would be better if I sold my books elsewhere or if I donated them. The majority of the books I’ve been forced to read for my courses, I really haven’t enjoyed. There are a few gems that I plan on keeping in my collection, but the remainder I’d rather get rid of. I don’t have a need for them, nor do I have the space. Still, it would be nice to earn back some of what I had spent on them, as they weren’t cheap.

I didn’t plan on writing this, but it has been bugging me all year.

I hope you’re all enjoying the weekend,

R.

Listed on the Syllabus

Essays, reports, labs, presentations…all of them piling up right before the final exams (or in some cases midterms…if you’re lucky). All of these things popping up outta no where!

“They’re listed right here on the syllabus.”

“Where?”

“Page two. Here, where it says, ‘November such-and-such, Assignment Due.'”

“Aw…yah…I see it now. Yah…it’s there. It didn’t just magically appear outta thin air. But I didn’t get the outline for the assignment till last week. I barely had any time.”

“You had time to go and grab poutine.”

“Yah but–”

“And you had time to see Doctor Strange.”

“Yah but–”

“And you had time to order a pizza and play video games until midnight.”

“Yah but I–”

“You have no excuse. You just procrastinated. You put it off too long. And now, you’re stressed out.”

“Wish we could turn back tiiiiiiime…to the good old daaaaays…”

“Shut up! No singing! Sit you butt down and do your work!”

“But I’m hungry.”

“Yah…me too. Let’s go get food.”

“But…I have to do my assignment.”

“Eh…you’ve got till Thursday. There’s plenty of time!”

“It’s Tuesday….”

“Just…pull an all-nighter.”

“Last time I did that…I didn’t do so well on my assignment.”

“Do you sit around and complain all day? Jeez, I’m leaving.”

“Okay bye….”


The line, “Wish we could turn back time to the good old days,” is from Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots.

Anyway, this dialogue just sort of happened all on its own. Hope it made you chuckle a little. I have a habit of inserting song lyrics into actual conversations I have with my siblings…and myself. Since this dialogue is me talking to myself. Happens a lot…yet, why question my sanity?

Been Away a While

Hello everyone,

I’ve been absent from my blog for a fairly long time, although I’ve tried to find something to post in the last couple of weeks and things just got a bit overwhelming with work and family, and all that. Again, I apologize for not updating as frequently as I should. I don’t want to make any promises at this moment about future postings right now…simply because I have a lot of stuff going on currently with my family and the situations are becoming quite stressful on all of us. I’m doing my best to make things easier for myself as well as the rest of my family by trying to stay positive and keep a level head. I hope that our current situations improve…I really, really do.

Until next time (hopefully sometime soon),

–R.

Lots of Homework….

I haven’t posted anything in a little while. Again, I’d like to apologize for this. I’ve been pretty swamped with homework. I need to know my priorities. I’m really beginning to think that I should have set days or times for blogging and writing so that I can stay on top of it.

I’ve done some work on my personal projects in between my homework. It’s probably the best thing for me to do in between school work because I’m still being productive. I find that if I stop and…watch a movie or something, then I don’t end up getting back to work.

I managed to get an assignment finished this morning. I hate doing things last minute but I’m still trying to get myself to stop procrastinating. I’ve mainly been doing this with my readings, which is why I’m got swamped last week. I was really behind in a book. This week my goal is to stay on top of everything.

No worries, I’m not working myself to the bone here. I’m going to get myself to the gym sometime this week (possibly after class if it’s not freezing outside) so that I can relieve some stress.

I wasn’t feeling well after school started so I fell behind in a project for class. Thankfully my professor is the greatest human on earth (you’re all great too…but he’s really awesome) and knows that I’m doing a 67 panel manga for my assignment. I love my project so much I could kiss it…but I won’t I’m just really happy with how its turning out. I’ve only got a few panels left to draw and then I’m going to outline everything, possibly add backgrounds (if I have the time) add the dialogue…all that fun stuff.

I hope to publish graphic novels as well. This is my practice run. Its fun. A lot of work but so much fun.

I’ll try and blog again this week. Probably won’t be until this weekend though. I’ve got two projects I’m working on for class…no three. Two classes, three projects.

Well that’s my update for now.

I hope that you’re all enjoying your Monday. You’ll get through it.

— Ryder.

This is why we don’t procrastinate…

So I finally typed up my essays and I’m still short words after all that editing. My time is limited… I thought about how much stuff I still had to do and my head began racing.

This is why we don’t procrastinate. This is why we start the essay the day we get it versus a month later.

We’ll never learn though.

At least I started them a week before they were due. Why I chose to finish editing them and typing them up the same week as the due date…beats me. This is basically my last week of school before exams. If I can get all my work done today and tomorrow then I’ll be free to relax for a day or two before I jump into exam mode.

Good luck to anyone else going through this…end of the year essay madness. Why not give these assignments to us in February? I’d rather hand them in, in March…or like have several small assignments versus one big one and an exam. Ugh…maybe I need to take a break. I feel burnt out right now.

Sorry to complain to you guys but I suddenly felt like I was gonna start screaming or something because I can’t seem to think of what else to add to my essays right now. This is why I hate having assignments all due on the same day. It forces me to go back and forth between them. It’s like trying to write two different novels at the same time. It shouldn’t be done…but in this case I’m being marked so it has to be done.

Oh well…I’ll keep doing my best. I’ll probably grab dinner, and take a nap. Then I’ll get to work again whenever I wake up. I’m really worn out right now…. I don’t think school work has made me exhausted before.