My Extraordinary Professor

My professor has asked that we write about a phrase that entered our hearts and resonated with us. He wants us to be honest and personal with our choice…and yet I can’t seem to pick out a single phrase. The phrases I’ve been reciting aloud I don’t know if they have any particular meaning to me…although I understand the context behind them.  I’m sure something will come to me by the end of the night.

I love the freedom my professor has given us to explore the text for ourselves, and find our own meaning. I love that he wants us to succeed, and that he cares about each individual student. I’ve never had a teacher this extraordinary before. One that is both passionate about what they’re teaching, and also passionate about what and how the students are learning.

I’m very grateful to have had the opportunity to have him as my professor two years in a row (going for a third). He makes me enjoy coming to school, fall in love with the texts we’re reading, and he’s taught me a lot about what it means to be a great teacher and a great story teller. I wish that everyone was as lucky as I am to have a teacher like this.

I’ll write something that he’ll be proud of. I want to do my best work, not only because he expects it from me but because he believes in my ability to do so.

Thank you for all of your encouragement sir.

— R.

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Work, Work, Work…

Lately it feels like all I do is go to work and sleep the moment I get home. I enjoy working (most days) and I don’t want to complain but it’s a lot. Some days are really good and other days I can’t wait to go home and relax. It depends on the mood of my managers that day.

If they’re not snapping at us we’re all feeling good by the end of our shifts. I don’t want to go home complaining to my family about a bad day at work. I’d rather talk about how much fun it was, the people I got to interact with and the stuff I got to do.

Obviously this isn’t my dream job but I have to do this kind of stuff until I get to that point. I work so that I don’t have to settle. Sometimes life forces you to do things that you may not like until you can do something that you love.

I figure, it’s a summer job I might as well make the best of it and take a deep breath on those odd days where my managers are snapping at me. Personally, I work much better when you use a kind and constructive tone. I’m not one to talk back to someone of authority (unless they’re out of line) because they snapped at me for something but seriously? I’d appreciate it if they could learn to relax. If you’re going around stressing out over everything and stomping your feet, not only do your employees notice but so do you customers. If you put your employees into that same bad mood, you’ll put your customers in a bad mood.

Also, it looks really bad on your company when you snap at your employees in front of a customer.

I was going to go into more detail about the managers at my work but…I realized that it probably isn’t the best idea. I mean yah I use a pen name and it’s not like any of you guys know where I work but still. It just doesn’t feel right. I don’t talk about work on facebook so I’m not going to rant about it on here. Besides I don’t want to disrespect anyone, even if they did get on my nerves a couple of times. I have no right to do that.

Anyway, works been busy…and occasionally it’s a bit stressful. Honestly, I’m still trying to get my editing done. I’m just tired all the time. I don’t know why. I’m going to bed after I post this. I just hate not updating you guys every few days.

Okay I need to get to bed…I keep yawning. I’ve been tired since 7 o’clock this morning.

I seriously need to work on my novel though.

Oh yah!

Happy Birthday to my cousin!

We’re exactly 9 months and 1 day apart…he’s older. Anyways happy birthday man! Hope you’ve been having a blast in Europe…you lucky duck.

Wish I was in Europe right now…. or at least Nova Scotia. I really want to travel around Canada. I’ve been as far as Quebec. One of my favourite books take place in Nova Scotia. It’s a sad story but…I don’t know, something about it was heart warming…touchy feely stuff. I don’t know how to describe it. I just enjoyed reading it. I’ve read it like three times. I even redrew the cover. There are a few novels that are based in Canada that I really enjoy. Yes, I’ve read Anne of Green Gables. Watch the shows too. I think I watch more Canadian shows versus the books.

Murdoch is my show, don’tcha know.

God, why am I such a nerd?

Okay bye! I start rambling when I’m tired or hyper…never eat pork chops before bed. Oh no…oh no…she didn’t. I think my mom gave away my stuffed piglet from when I was like a baby and like my nana and I fixed it up because it’s belly button came off and….and I love that piglet…I named it Pinky because I’m so original…and also because I had this bear, rattle that was actually my sisters but I kind of jacked it…I named that Pinky and then that disappeared…and oh no…oh God please no….

…I have an attachment to certain old toys. I want to share them with my kids that’s all…except I don’t know how to explain this to my future spouse. I guess I’ll figure it out when the time comes…or they could just open up my bedroom closet and find a bunch of novels that I’ve written, stuffed animals and a mess of clothes.

I need to clean my room…seriously. Like I was going to clean it in April. Then my parents kept giving me all these clothes that I washed…and most of them are winter clothes and…like…now I have no room for anything. I should’ve just moved into my brother room two years ago like my dad said but I got attached to my room because it has green walls and messed up heating and a broken window and…smells like weird. My room has this smell…it smells like someone squirted lemon juice in here actually.

I hate the smell of dry shampoo…

Okay operation find my piglet…never mind. I have a feeling that I’m not going to find him. He’s lost… there goes another piece of my childhood. Actually maybe he’s with my nieces toys in the play pen….brb….no sign.  Maybe my mom hasn’t given away that bag of toys yet. Or my piglet is seriously gone. My mom just throws stuff out without even asking people. She doesn’t consider peoples feelings or anything she’s just like “Oh junk. Better get rid of it.” however some of that junk has significance to the rest of us mom! She’s not a very sentimental person. She could improve on that… I wouldn’t throw out her purse because I thought it was junk. Bad example but she doesn’t hold onto anything but her wedding accessory thingys. Like the gloves and what not.

Oh yah it’s wedding season…. Wedding season.

Man, someone in my family needs to get married. I have all these older cousins and they’re all like “Oh…maybe not right now.” I want to go to a wedding. If they don’t get married before I do, they’ll lose it. I know this for a fact. I want to get married young though, so…it’s totally possible. Kind of need to find someone first. I’ve been looking but not making any real progress. I’m not really sure how this flirting thing works. I’ve never dated…. the closest thing I’ve had to a romantic relationship was 10th grade when my friend and I had a thing but they kind got taken by someone else…and we didn’t talk for 2 years for no reason at all. They just cut me off…and it hurt. Only heart break I’ve had. Woo! Favourite year of high school though. I grew a lot.

Ugh…I gotta pay rent soon.

This is so long…I’m not even really talking about anything except my life. Here guys, here’s my life story. Enjoy!

If you get to the end of this, leave a comment because like…wow. That is some serious dedication. When you read something, you finish it.

Well it’s late. My stomachs settled. My heads full of thoughts and yep…I have to work this weekend…like I do every weekend.

I’m going to go curl into a ball and drool on my pillow while I sleep….never used to drool. Before I smiled in my sleep, now I drool and dream about…a lot of things. During my nap I dreamt about work, and how I got a discount on everything. And my donut became an oreo ice cream sandwich…and my pizza was cold.

My work doesn’t sell donuts or pizza…so when I woke up I was like “Wait a second!”

I hate dreaming about work. It’s like…I wanna dream about happiness and sunshine not being late for work or ordering food! I don’t want to dream about being at school… honestly I sometimes enjoy those dreams where I’m on a date with someone. I know how to flirt in my dreams. I’m such a player when I’m in dreamland…in reality I just try not to say something stupid and try not to blush.

The other day this really good looking person came into my work and I had to take their order…and I got flustered.

I also noticed that I read numbers backwards a lot. I don’t know why…I’m not going to say anything to my parents about it though. It’s not really a big deal. I used to write my name backwards all the time. I’m left handed so…I guess maybe that’s why. It’s why I find it easy to go back and forth between reading a manga and a novel. It’s also why I smudge most of my drawings… I wonder if this could be the reason why I struggled with math in elementary school? Honestly, I just…did things differently and the way I did it was “wrong.” I used to point out patterns and I’d find really weird things in the question and point it out versus giving the actual answer…. either I honestly didn’t know what I was doing or I was like a super genius.

I also never showed my work. So in high school I started to draw and write my work. Then I got like 80’s in math….and then I got really bad teachers.

Dear Grade 9 math teacher, you were the most amazing math teacher I have ever had. You taught me that everyone learns things differently, and that when we walk people through our answers, it helps them to understand our thinking better. Also, you let me and my friends eat in your class because you were pregnant. Plus you were super funny and the only math teacher I ever understood.

Thank you for existing.

–R.

Lol…she really was a great teacher. High school was full of great teachers. Universities got them too.

Okay night….sorry for such a long post. I just think a lot.

I totally wrote an epic postery today. I’m sorry…I’m a nerd. I’ll stop now.

Novel Update: And Off Topic Ramblings

Hello everyone! I hope that you’ve all been having an excellent week so far.

I got a lot of writing down the other day. The story is moving along quite nicely. I feel as though the transitions have been smooth so far…but of course I’ll know for sure once I begin editing.

…Okay this is off topic but I just gotta warn people…don’t do sit ups after you eat. I now have a really bad stomach ache.

Back on topic (ouch!), I find that writing about things such as love and romance in my novels is tough for me. I mean…I’m more of a fiction, sci-fi, historical, adventure kinda writer… I just have romance as a subplot because…well I like my characters to be as close to human as possible, you know? Thing is, I’ve never dated. I’ve never kissed anyone. I’m 19 years old okay? I don’t need to be rushing into anything. That whole high school dating thing never really got to me… my only “kiss” was on the cheek and the only time I was close to dating someone I was to chicken to make a move so I lost a good friend and a potential date. Woo! Way to go R!

As my sister would say, “You darn messed up!”

So…I had to write some romantic scenes and boy did I blush. I don’t know why, but I get really emotionally attached to my characters. I literally had to remember how I felt at age 14 when I got kissed on the cheek by my best friend…and crush at the time. It was awkward. I elbowed them in the face…. Yah…. That’s probably why I haven’t been kissed by anyone since. Maybe they all have a secret club or something where they’re like “R elbows people in the face! Don’t kiss them!”

Maybe if you didn’t sneak up on me, I wouldn’t have elbowed you? Ever think about that?

Anyways I spend enough time watching chick-flicks and Say Yes to the Dress and all that other junk. I really don’t mind it but it bothers me how all of these people are so focused on this ONE DAY. It’s not the wedding that’s important it is the life that you and your significant other will have together. I don’t understand why people can’t grasp that? It’s probably one of the big reasons why people are having issues in their marriages. They wanna go back to that “special day” when really every day should be special because you’re together, working as a team.

Well…that was off topic. It’s wedding season, and I’m planning a fictional wedding between two characters. I guess it’s not that off topic.

So, I got some writing done. Survived the two little romance scenes. I don’t know how well I’m going to create a fictional romance when I haven’t had a real romantic relationship. I’m doing my best.

Happy writing to you all! Enjoy the weather this weekend

I’ll be working…every day. Gotta pay for school somehow right? Man…education shouldn’t be this expensive. I should be able to pay for every year of school easily after working 3-4 months in the summer. It’s ridiculous.

Rough…

These last few days have been pretty rough. Today I had an exam and there have been a lot of personal family issues going on….

It’s just been rough. I usually bottle everything up inside. I’m a person who keeps to themselves when it comes to stuff like this. Especially with family situations, I feel like I suddenly need to act tough and compose my emotions around others. I realized this after my grandmother passed away. I never knew that I had this strong side to me. I’ve always been the cry baby out of my siblings…I mean I got teary eyed while watching How to Train Your Dragon (haven’t watched it since due to being laughed at). I’m surprised at my own ability to suddenly take on a different role. At times where I myself might be feeling upset and scared, I automatically smile, laugh and go on like everything is perfectly fine so that when those around me need someone strong to hold them up, I can be there for them. I’m not sure if this is exactly healthy…but I do it. I do it all of the time despite how I’m feeling.

Sometimes stuff happens in life that just kicks you in the gut and all you can do is ignore the pain and keep on pushing because the world keeps spinning. Time won’t stop because you’re faced with something that seems impossible…and heart wrenching…and completely out of your control. Life goes on and on and on and that’s it.

I hope I can make it through the rest of this week without completely breaking down. If I’m going to punch my pillow and blast music into my ears then I’d rather do that at home than while I’m here at school.

I hope the sun’s out tomorrow morning…just for a little while. I look forward to seeing the sunshine pouring into my windows.

I can’t stand being in the dark right now…all this grey and black and gloominess isn’t doing me any good. I really don’t want to be away from my family right now. Honestly I want to go home. I know I’m only here for a few days and then I get to be with my folks till September but I’m one of those people who needs to be around their family when stuff is bothering me.

Sorry for making another emo-ish post. I’ve been writing some pretty gloomy stuff lately. I seem to write happier things when I’m collaborating with my sister. She’s a funny kid.

How do you push through rough times?

I Got This: From Teen to Adult

Every teenager between 16 and 18: I got this. I know everything. I’m smart. I’m an adult now…sort of.

18 – 19: I don’t got this…mom? Mom? Hey mom what am I doing with my life?

When you finally figure things out: Okay…this time I got this for real. I am invincible!

When you have your kids: I went through this! I know everything!

Your teens ages 13 – 16: No you don’t understand me at all! No one understands me!

You: Yep…I went through this.

Your kids after they learn their lesson on their own: I should have listened to you…you were right about everything!

You: I know. Everything is gonna be okay.

Catching Kayla

I just watched this video titled, Catching Kayla and it was just awesome.

A woman who worked at a music school I attended a while back was also suffering from MS, like this girl, and a boy I knew from 4th grade, his father ended up getting the disease as well. I just…thought I’d share this because well it was…I don’t even know what to say. Just click the link alright? You’ll understand when you watch it.

Train of Thought(s)

So it’s 1 am, and I’m so tired that my minds running like a get away train.

You know when you’re about to fall asleep and all those thoughts come rushing in, so you start thinking all these really deep things.

For example, last night before falling asleep I questioned why I was wearing black all week. I sure wasn’t grieving. I mean, nobody died… then I thought, “Maybe I’m just reflecting what I’m feeling on the inside? I’m feeling pretty down in the dumps…let’s face it I’m depressed.”

When you actually admit it to yourself, there’s this feeling you get. It’s not this feeling that you’re depressed, it’s this feeling like your choking from the inside. Like you wanna scream but you can’t.

I try not to admit those kind of things to myself. I’m scared of being crazy. I don’t think I’m crazy, but if I were crazy I don’t think anyone would ever talk to me. I’m lonely enough thanks. Just thinking things like that bugs me. Then again, a lot of things bug me lately. It rains too much, it’s too cold, people are too damn loud or too damn quiet. There’s not enough lighting, or it’s too bright. I’m thinking so much about everything that I can’t think at all. Its driving me up the wall. Up. The. Bloody. Wall.

You ever feel like you just wanna hit somebody? You know you won’t actually hit anyone, but you want to. You just wanna clench your fist and swing your arm real fast till smack, there she goes…and you can just stare at yourself in disbelief because you really hit that guy. Poor fella…didn’t really deserve it. You were just having a bad day.

I’ve felt like hitting someone lately and that someone is myself. Talk about beating yourself up. I literally would love to. If I could, I’d clone myself and beat myself to a pulp…I call myself an idiot in my head. I do it all the time. I’d never say it aloud. That’d be admitting to it. When words are said out loud they come true. They don’t come true when you think and un-think them. All this thinking and un-thinking…exhausting. I wish I could sleep but I can’t. I’m too tired to sleep. My minds racing. Worst part of it is, I can function on little sleep without coffee. I’ve had coffee twice in my life. It’s awful stuff. Bitter. I’ve got a sweet tooth. I’d rather drink pop or a cup of tea with three large spoons of sugar. That’s why I’ve had so many cavities in the past…it’s all this dang sugar. I can’t wait till I can go home. Don’t get me wrong, living on my own is fun and all, I can leave my room messy without my mom nagging me about it, and I don’t have anyone complaining to me about anything, but I need to get home. I feel like if I don’t get home I’ll break.

One can pretend they’re okay for so long until they just break.

I’m so tired my eyes sting. They’re watering. I’d sleep if I could…I sure would…but these dang thoughts just keep on coming. I’ve gotta get up for class at 8 am. It’s 2 now. I’m feeling hungry, light headed…feeling awful. Just awful. Why can’t I just push a button and say, “Racing thoughts let me sleep. Do not make another peep!” These thoughts make me sad…real sad. Like there’s something wrong with me. Guess there is something wrong with me. I still haven’t changed outta these dirty clothes and I’m talking to a brick wall. Yah a bloody, cold brick wall. Nothing’s getting through that thing. If I were a brick wall I’d be better off. No more of this feeling like beating myself up and curling up at night staring at the ceiling. No more being a big suck. No sir, I’d be unmovable…unless you took something and smashed me in. You’d need a wrecking ball for that. Sadly, I’m no brick wall….not emotionally anyways.

Some people must think I’m unapproachable but I just don’t approach people. There’s a difference. I like people. I like to watch them, talk to them….but I over think before I say anything. So instead of worrying myself about what I should say, I don’t say anything at all. Makes things much easier on me…being shy and all.

These are the kind of things that run through my head constantly. It’s like a runaway train. There’s no stopping it. It just keeps speeding down this track. I never know where it’ll end up…I think that’s the depressing part. Not knowing.

Goodbye High School

Yesterday I finished my final exams and all I could think was, “Boy did time fly.” It feels as if moments ago I was sword fighting with my cousins by the lake, and then in a blink of an eye I’m an eighteen year old kid sitting on my bed reading all of the short stories I’ve written over the last two years.

I’ve said this many times in the last month that I am ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. I’m ready to try and do things on my own without my parents coaching me along the way (though their coaching does help me come to a decision faster…). I told my sister multiple times, “High school is done and I have no regrets.” I’ve forgiven the people that hurt me, left behind those that weren’t the right company, and successfully finally figured out which studying methods work best for me (insert props/daps here).

If there was anything that I could have changed, it would have been to get the nerve to ask an old friend of mine, “What did I do wrong?” Though I’ve told myself after not speaking to them for two years that I am over it. There is still this pesky little voice in the back of my head saying, “Ask! Just ask! It’s a simple question!” but I feel as though there is nothing to ask anymore. Two years is a long time…or so it seems.

They surprising spoke to me first…which I tried to be casual about. I didn’t say, “What the heck is your deal man? You ignore me for two years and then you come to tell me that your ‘boo’ wants me to wait for them? Yah…NO!”  I could never see myself saying that in reality, however if I did speak like this to people it would be very gutsy of me….I simply said, “Oh okay. No problem.” and that was the end of the conversation. Yes my friend hurt me, and yes we aren’t friends anymore but I let it go….

Okay why did I have to say that? Now that song is going to be in my head all day! Stupid…movie. Okay I actually like the movie. I’ve watched it three times with my niece. I think Hans is cool and I like Olaf because when I mimic his voice my niece gives me “warm hugs.”

Anyway! That was really off topic…so if I were to go back in time and change ONE thing it would be that I would straight up ask my friend if they were alright during that first week when they started avoiding me. And if they claimed that nothing was wrong and continued to ignore me then I would simply let it be. I wouldn’t fuss about it or let myself get hurt by it (and trust me it feels like getting stabbed in the chest when the kid you’ve known since the 5th grade suddenly starts to push you out of their life). I wouldn’t have dwelled on it for so long or spent the summer going, “Maybe I should go see if they want to get a slushie?” and never bothering to get off my butt out of fear that they might say no.

I’m just happy that the two years of silence were broken…and that I didn’t have break it.

Well that’s the end of this post because apparently my computer needs to restart in exactly 4 minutes!

Hope everyone has a great summer!