It’s that time of year where I start living on ramen, KD and water because I’m too busy to buy groceries and I can’t afford to get bagels from Tims….
All I can say is that I’m glad I’ll be finished classes soon…I plan on doing some stuff online during the summer but summer in university starts in May. Luckily for me I’m going to have a couple weeks after my final exam before those start up…I’ll get to go home and write.
I’ve been wanting to work on my novels for what feels like ages now. At least I’ve had time to draw. If I didn’t have time to draw I’d probably lose it.
All my hobbies are fairly time consuming…writing and recording music, drawing, writing, reading. Actually, I’ve managed to get some reading in. I have so many books I want to catch up on but thankfully I’ve gotten through a handful of my comics this past month. I can’t get enough of my comic books. Studying English in university really makes you hate reading novels. It’s problematic. Even with writing novels…there are times when it feels stressful because all you do is read and write and discuss. There are days when all I want to do is sit on my butt, eat junk and binge watch mindless television series. Cartoons are great guys. They make you think…or they don’t make you think at all. I’ve slowly begun to enjoy reading again through my comic and manga collection. Graphic novels and the like don’t feel like novels. Sometimes theirs colour…and even when they aren’t in colour I still see colours in my head. I’m still enjoying a great book but I think the visual aspect makes it a much quicker read. I get lost in the story so easily…and then it’s over in a flash. Honestly I finish some of my comics in a half hour. Which suchs because I spend up to nineteen dollars on a book that takes me thirty minutes to plow through.
Anyway, once classes are out I’m writing as much as I want at any hour of the day whereever and whenever. When I was younger you would never see me without a binder or notebook of sorts. If I wasn’t writing I was drawing. Even the students I work know that I draw all the time…and my fellow classmates. It’s really hard to draw in public without people hovering over you, and asking a million questions. When I write in public I don’t draw as much attention to myself when I’m out in public.
I’d better eat. I haven’t had any food today. Time to enjoy that tasty ramen that totally has serious health benefits.
In our lives there will always be hopes and fears popping in and out of our heads. Some nights they dance about as I try to shut my eyes and scatter about the room as I toss and turn, trying to settle my mind. When I wake up I’m in a daze before they come rushing back.
I try to wake up feeling excited versus anxious, about the things to come. I try not to think of the ever-growing list of things I need to do for the day and take my time getting ready. Still by the time I realize I’m running behind schedule, these hopes and fears are there waiting by the door. I try to keep them locked up but they must have figured out how to climb through the window.
No matter. I can always stick my headphones in and ignore them. The music will drown them out…although I do like the hopes very much, so I let them dance while I walk to the rhythm of the morning. They’re warm like the sun and brush gently across my skin. They make my heart pound heavily, but the heaviness is nice…it lets me know that I’m still alive and as I get lost in my hopes I pull out my phone and suddenly fear sinks its teeth into me.
Being late, not having things done, forgetting something back at home…all of the little fears that poke and pick at me throughout the day. Sometimes it’s easy to ignore them and other times I can’t. I think about kicking them, or stomping on them…but at the same time being so carefree isn’t always a good thing. Things need to get done. I have places I need to go, people I need to meet, work I need to finish…and the ever-growing list of little fears pushes me to get them done. My heart races when the fears start to slither about. They slip between my ankles, wrap around my throat…they nearly suffocate me…and yet I’m still alive.
My hopes tug at me and my fears start to pull back. Both clawing at my arms and legs and face. I can’t seem to decide which way to go, so I sit in the grey…and I wait. I procrastinate. I pretend everything is nothing, and that nothing is everything. It’s a numb place to be, and very boring…there’s no music or colour. There are no hopes and no fears…so I let them back in and let the battle begin, until night-time comes again and I begin to dream.
The past week has been extremely busy, but it’s also been a lot of fun. I have some work that I need to catch up on this week, but other than that I’m feeling great.
There’s just something about performing that makes me feel joy. I like to make stories come to life for others. It’s spectacular. It’s been years since I’ve been in an actual staged production, and I was worried that I might be nervous but surprisingly I felt great. No nerves in sight. I was pumped. I was so full of energy. By the end of the night all I wanted to do was sleep…but that excitement is lingering inside of me. Only a few shows left…then back to my boring routine.
I’m definitely going to miss everything about this school, my friends, my professors…and this small little city. I love it here. I’m sad to leave but it’s time to start a new chapter in my life.
I was nervous about coming here, and now I’m nervous about leaving. I think deep down, I was starting to believe that I’d spend the rest of my life here. Silly that I’d go so far to imagine living here permanently.
I’m ready to graduate. I’m 100% ready. I really don’t want to bother doing the silly graduation photos and what not…but my parents want them so I guess I have to. I just want to take some nice pictures. I rarely smile in these kinds of photos.I really just wanna get my diploma and dip. I’m ready to move on.
I have to write some tests today, so I’d better stop blogging. I’m feeling pretty sleepy at the moment…so I wanna wake myself up with a warm drink before I have to catch the bus.
Once I’m done being busy, and I’ve caught up on my studies I’ll jump back into working on my novels and such.
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The support and sense of community that I’ve seen forming between creators and their fans has given me a lot of hope and excitement for the artistic community. People are beginning to see the importance of actually paying indie musicians, and artists for their work because they value the amount of effort that goes into it.
Anyway, I’d better eat my very late breakfast here…I guess it’s considered lunch now.
Till next time,
Occasionally I play this song when doing sketches of a character of mine, whom you’ll meet someday soon. I haven’t had the chance to write his story recently. Usually I write it when I’m having trouble sleeping. I promise you he isn’t crazy…at least…not yet.
Ha…I’m just teasing. I’m sure he doesn’t mind that I haven’t finished his story yet. It’s getting sad. I do think about him when I hear songs like this one. I feel as if I’ve doomed the boy…and he isn’t even real. Well, he’s real enough to me. I created him.
It’s a strange thing, being an author. You create these people…and with one swift movement their lives are altered in ways that they can’t even imagine. They have no control over what is going to happen next…and sometimes it feels as though the author has lost control as well. Sometimes the story’s end up writing themselves.
Part of me hopes that this young mans story won’t be tragic. I wonder if I’m avoiding it, because I know what is to come. He has some notion of what will happen next, that’s for sure. Still…it’s hard to say how it will end.
Hold true to your word.
Peace, love will be heard.
Make no sound.
The darkness will come ’round.
This is what happens when I write to music.
I’m still editing. I really thought that I’d get more done before the beginning of August but because I work two jobs I’ve fallen behind on all of my projects. Yesterday I finally had the opportunity to get out of the house for a couple of hours. I did so as well today. I bought a CD, hung out with my folks and used my Chapters gift card. Scored myself two books. I try to read before I fall asleep at night. Helps me to clear my head.
Anyway, despite falling behind in my editing I’m still pleased with the progress I’ve made. Ness is doing final touches on the illustrations for my book, which she has so kindly offered to do. Hopefully it’ll be ready before the end of the month. Depending on how my editing goes with my novel, I’m expecting that book to be on the market sooner.
I’ve decided to spend a portion of my afternoon editing. I want to do a couple of chapters at least. It’s not hard to type it up but I find that there are days when I don’t want to turn my computer on at all. I’ve had a fairly stressful year and thankfully my fulltime job is fantastic because the part-time one was really starting to add to the amount of stress I’d been feeling. Writing helps me deal with my stress. Occasionally my mood has an effect on the story. It was more common in my earlier works.
Well, I’d better get started. I’d really like to get as much done as I possibly can before dinners ready. I have to prepare some other things for my full-time job as well.
Till next time,
I love finding errors in my blog posts from months ago…they’re so small. Like putting “write” instead of “right” because I’m writing.
A new record store just opened up in the mall. They have a Star Wars record player. It would go so well with my DVD collection, mug, t-shirt and…anyway, too bad I already have one collecting dust in my basement. I considered buying my Dad one of the Beach Boys albums for Fathers Day…until a little voice in the back of my head said, “He probably has this one.” because I knew all the songs.
I asked, he has it. I guess it would’ve been a cheap gift anyway, I mean…it was $9.00. Or it may have actually been $19.00 and the one just didn’t print on the little sticker. I noticed that with a few of the other CDs.
I know that most people don’t bother buying music anymore (I just use a YouTube playlist) but there’s this…feeling of joy you get when you get a new CD, with songs you know and songs that you’ve never even heard of. The moment it starts to play, it’s like you’re inside of a movie. Every song tells a story, and you can get lost for hours just listening to them over and over. The little booklets that come along with it, with the lyrics and pictures, and all of the album art add to the feeling. It’s another world. Or…maybe it’s just me.
Well, it’s 7 am now. I’d better get myself registered for my courses. I don’t want them filling up on me now.
We gave our Nana a Samsung tablet as an early Mother’s Day gift. She’s 79, but she was able to figure out how to play her slot machine games without any trouble. I think she’s really enjoying herself. It was really nice to spend a couple of days with her.
Today all the kids are home, so the three musketeers have hatched a plan to take our Mom out to lunch tomorrow. Hopefully it goes well. We haven’t seen our older brother for a while since he’s we had exams and he got his promotion at work.
I really enjoy the time that I get to spend with my folks. My siblings and I just spent ten minutes wondering about whatever happened to Akon. He just disappeared…?
Well, until next time,